Sorry this is going to be long.<p>I don’t really know where to start but I do know that I need the help of all of my friends here on MB. As most of you know, my husband and I have been separated for 7 months now and just within the last several weeks he has been going to counseling because he realized he needed help to get our marriage back on track. When I initially started the MB principles in my pursuit to better myself and get my marriage on track, I had deadlines in my head, the major one being that after 6 months of Plan A’ing, I would move to Plan B.<p>Well here we are at 7 months now and I was still Plan A’ing until I had taken seriously ill and spent 5 days in the hospital. The 5 days in the hospital and the seriousness of my illness got me to thinking that I can no longer live in limbo like this. Yes, my H has been improving a lot and starting to meet a lot of my needs but I realized in the hospital that some of it may just be too little to late. It even got to the point that I didn’t even care if he would come to visit me. After I got out of the hospital last Monday, I became very distant towards him and was beginning to really wonder if I really wanted to save my marriage anymore and I was also beginning to question myself if I was still “IN-LOVE” with my H. I mean, I have heard every month since he left that he would be moving home and yet, it still has not happened but he still wants me to remain hopeful. I talked to a dear friend of mine about it during the week and she said that I at least owe it to my H to let him know how I was feeling.<p>So with that little bit of background, that brings me to this past Saturday when I finally told my H exactly how I have been feeling and that I am beginning to really question my love for him. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my husband very much but it is really hard to remain “IN LOVE” with someone if they aren’t around to let you make LOVE BANK deposits. Keep in mind that our separation has consisted of him coming over the house everyday but just basically sleeping somewhere else. I explained to him that it scared me that I was now questioning if I was still in love with him but I also explained why I felt this way. I told him that it has been hard to keep my love for him since we haven’t made love since he has been gone, he has not taken me out on a date since he has been gone, he has told me every month since he has moved out that he would be moving back this month and that has not happened, and he doesn’t seem to want to include me in his life but wants me to include him in everything me and the kids are doing. I told him that he knows what needs to happen to make our marriage work because we have been over it several times. It is not just a matter of him moving home but there are a lot of other things that need to happen. Like him spending time alone, just me and him. Him spending more family time with me and the kids. Him including me back into his extracurricular activities (This has actually started happening to a minor extent. We are playing softball together again one night a week but he still plays the other two nights a week and WILL not let me go. The two nights a week he plays without me are men’s leagues but all the other wives go except for me.)<p>I basically told him during our talk on Saturday that I am done with this separation and that I need to know exactly what he planned on doing in regards to our marriage. I told him I did not need an answer that day but I would like an answer by Tuesday of this week. I know, I can hear you all already that an ultimatum IS NOT what I should be doing but I am so tired of hearing the words and not getting the actions that this was my last try because I was feeling like I was done anyway.<p>Well, after our talk on Saturday, I could tell that my H knew how serious I was this time that I needed an answer. On Sunday, he made so many love bank deposits that I do know that I am still very much “IN LOVE” with my husband. Anyway, no to the real point of all of this post. My husband just called me to tell me he has been doing a lot of thinking about everything I said and that he wants me to give him until after his next counseling session to move back home. He said he is 99% sure that this is what he wants but he wants to talk to his counselor before he makes the move back. He does not see his counselor again until next Monday and then he said he would move back in Tuesday morning after he gets off of work. Thus, giving him one more week than I had originally told him in our talk on Saturday.<p>So, I guess these are my questions:<p>Do I give him one more week before he comes back home and to get in another counseling session?<p>Why did it take me giving him an ultimatum and telling him that I am done with this whole separation to realize that it was time for him to make a decision to come home or not?<p>Is this his way of exerting his control of the relationship to move home next Tuesday instead of this Tuesday?<p>I am so sorry that this is so long but I really need so input here.<p>Thanks.<p>Michele
