I didn't think it was possible to feel so much pain and still live. How does anyone survive divorce???
I was married for 23 years...my soon to be ex had an affair that I just couldn't deal with and we did the revolving door thing for about 3 years. Too much pain brought him to the point where he asked me for a divorce this summer. I miss him terribly and really wanted it to work. But perhaps not that much because I kept bringing up past issues whenever I was hurting.
He is now seeing someone else.
Ironically I have become involved with a boyfriend from decades ago. He is married, but says he wants a divorce and is not happy. But he feels the stress of trying to leave what he is used to, plus has two teens.
So now I have been on both sides of this scenario.<p>I know what it's like to have another woman invade my marriage and now I feel like the other woman. I love this man. It's hard to see him in pain and going through so much stress.<p>As a result of this I am starting to understand what went wrong in my marriage and what I want in a relationship.<p>I am making a big move to be near this person, maybe it will work out, maybe not. It's scary to
move away from what is familiar to me, but also full of painful memories. I've been married longer than I was single, so I am very scared.<p>How do people survive divorce? Divorce is like a death - so many of the same emotions. I don't want to be divorced, but my soon to be ex won't consider any other option.<p>[ March 18, 2002: Message edited by: Deblynn ]</p>

THATS WHAT I AM WONDERING? HOW DO WE SURVIVE WHEN WE HAVE TO LEAVE THE PERSON WE LOVE OR IT GETS WORSE? HOW DO YOU DIVORCE A MEN YOU LOVE?

I think that divorce is a larger pain than death. In death you only say goodbye once. During divorce and separation, it can be a daily, weekly, or monthly thing, depending on your situation. I have not found anything more painful than separation, divorce is not in the picture yet. Friends and MB are the best therapy that you can have.<p>Good luck.<p>If you would like to chat, rooj@juno.com or rooj1 on aol IM.

My counselor agrees with the death scenario. I'm dealing with the death of the marriage. I worked harder than I ever imagined to keep our family together, but it's hard when there's only one person in the marriage. My H was more like a 17 yr. child. I'm sad for it to end, and unhappy that he'll be involved with the kids, but I need to find some sanity.
The man who couldnt spend time with his kids before now wants them 50% of the time, so I'm finally ready to go to the lawyer's office to start the D. I deserve better than this relationship has provided. No betrayal, just withdrawal.