Just wondering how long should plan A last? I see Kevan's wife has had this affair for two years... f*** if I'm waiting two years. I love my wife and have stood by her... I started plan A a week ago.... but I will not last two years... maybe not even two more months. I can't take the emotional roller-ride. I love my wife more than anything in the world. I have lasted longer than I would have ever dreamed. If you told me this would have happened a year ago I would've told you I would be gone that night. Love....

As long as you can but for atleast 6 months. Trust me, it will be 6 months of hell.... it is alot of work and emotionaly draining but stick with it as long as you can. Hopefully you get her back with Plan A, if not then go to Plan B, but Plan B is more effective after a good Plan A.
Dave

You'll surprise yourself. I thought I'd be done after 2 weeks, now I'm at nearly 2 months, and feeling SOOO MUCH better with myself. In counseling every week, talked to 3 or 4 different lawyers(gotta use those free consultations!), so I feel like I have my head on straight. After you get past the point of constantly trying to do the things that you think might influence them to come back to you, you start realizing the things YOU NEED to do to get back to YOU. Sometime you also need to slip in a little plan b when you're stressed. go take some time off. I took a full afternoon of doing nothing but staring at the lake, sitting in my car, with a can of soda and pack of cigs. and the next two days took a break from the phone & visitors, didn't answer the phone, didn't return calls for 2 days, worried a few people, but it helped me to figure out me.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mr. Hurt:
<strong>I see Kevan's wife has had this affair for two years... f*** if I'm waiting two years</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yes, and what an idiot I have been - you said it all. I kept on thinking of every reaosn to give her a chance - give her the benefit of the doubt - where did it get me? NOWHERE.<p>After all this time - then in March I got copies of her Cell Fone Bills for November/December/January/February - HIS NUMBER was all over them EVEN ON NEW YEARS DAY - her excuse - "What is a few fone calls"<p>
So now - one step FURTHER than Plan B - I am very possibly moving RIGHT ACROSS THE COUNTRY. YES, eventually I am doing something about it - she doesnt know yet - but I am going.<p>PLEASE - DONT LET HER walk all over you - it really is NOT worth it - I should have done this a year ago.<p>I say - give her a MAXIMUM of 4 months - if you have seen very little change after that PLAN B immediately. Let her SEE you mean business.<p>If you try and hang in there too long - the end result is bitterness and hatred, whereas something COULD be saved - unless of course you find out the she is mentally ill.<p>I too thought - no - this is different to anyone else - we can do it somehow - dont fool yourself.<p>I am speaking to myself here too - build some BORDERS and stick to them - you have rights too as a person.<p>I now have NO LOVE LEFT for my wife - just anger - its not worth it on yourself, dont submit yourself to it. Whatever you do DONT lose your self-respect - it really isnt worth it.<p>Only through a very good friend - originally met on MB - have I been able to see this through and cme out of it feeling like a person instead of a useless failure who cannot hold his marriage together.<p>Please think of yourself first.

I agree with Kevan!! Sometimes we need to realize when to cut our losses and move on...I wish I would have done it at least a year ago.<p>Good luck.<p>T

Basically, you just have to take it week by week and see at the end of each week if you starting to loose too much love for your spouse. You want to go to Plan B before you lose all love and begin to love bust because then you can't make a good transition to Plan B.<p>Remember too that hindsight it 20/20 and even though people have gone through what seems years of agony in Plan A - they had to learn that lesson for themselves, just as you too will have to judge where you are at any particular time. <p>Read back over the purpose of Plan A, the suggested duration and just take it day by day. Every person and every situation is different and you have to do what is comfortable for you, so that even if the marriage ends, you can say that you gave it your all and feel good about yourself. K

Plan A & B are not used SOLELY to save the marriage. That is the hope. However, in using these Plans, you learn what you bring to a relationship & also how to identify & correct behaviors which are detrimental to that relationship.<p>I started plan A a week ago.... but I will not last two years... maybe not even two more months. I can't take the emotional roller-ride.
One step at a time.<p>but Plan B is more effective after a good Plan A.
Exactly. Some people think they can pick & choose which they want to do and have good results.<p>Remember, even if you do all MB principles & plans perfectly, your spouse may never return to the marriage. If you do them correctly, then you will have a MUCH better time of "just getting over it."<p>kevan,
Yes, and what an idiot I have been - you said it all. I kept on thinking of every reaosn to give her a chance - give her the benefit of the doubt - where did it get me? NOWHERE.
So you were stupid for trying to save your marriage and because you love(d) your wife?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Chris (CA123):
<strong>So you were stupid for trying to save your marriage and because you love(d) your wife?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yes, foolish to think that this woman had any respect for me at all - yes, I tried, she resisted and still did as she pleased - NOW she wants me to just forget it all and move forward.
"Whats a few fone calls to him - he has been a very good friend?"