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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486 |
I wanted to ask a question I've been thinking about. <p>Technically, I'm in plan B. When we do speak, I use "plan A behaviours".<p>OK, so now she's filed, I'm about to counter file...does plan B even apply?<p>My WS never admitted an affair. She did not work on the marriage at all. Typical blaming, very secretive, etc ( e.g. last Feb; let's buy a house. Put ours up for sale, sold it, then she says " I can't live w you"..Bait and switch, baby.<p>She seems to be truly enjoying the "party" lifestyle.<p> . I counseled w Steve from April '01 through November '01. He recommended plan B in Sept. She rec'd the letter in early Sept, but I caved quickly.<p>I went back into plan B on Thanksgiving.I have been there since. She shows no sign of wanting us. I would not be surprised if her and om were discussing marriage. ( My 8 yo daughter asked if girls can be ring bearers? I said I guess, why do you ask? Oh, I don't know....)<p>Sorry, turning into a general rant. Plan B through divorce, or ??? <p>Thank you in advance.<p>Dan<p>[ March 19, 2002: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,043
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,043 |
I'm struggling with this myself.<p>THe bottome line is - what can you take. Remember that in Plan A, you will eventually lose all love for WS if they continue in their erroneous behavior. This can only help us if divorce and a life without them is truly in our future. Then we will be healing too.<p>However, it's hard to be around someone who is constantly hurting you by their actions.<p>And then, possibly by forming a friendship with WS they may eventually come around once affair is over - if affair ever dies. That's why we went to Plan B - because affair didn't die.<p>Do you think that reality has set in for your WS? Do you think continuing in Plan B that WS will ever had reality set in?<p>Normally Plan B has a time limit - and then you divorce. Is your time limit up?<p>Just some questions to hopefully help you make up your mind.<p>K
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 517
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 517 |
One other point to consider, can you look back and say that you did everything you could to save the marriage? Can you live with the fact that you did everything you could and have no regrets? The timelimit you set is yours, no one elses.
Dave
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486 |
Thank you both. Plan B while divorcing may add to the difficulty of necessary conversation. <p>I think plan B helps me define borders, what I think is acceptable behaviour in others and what I feel deserve from others. <p>Thank you for your thoughts.<p>Dan
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