<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mr. Hurt:
<strong>I don't understand this comment: I love you but am not 'in love' with you. What does this mean?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Your wife is probably fixing to have an affair. I'm sorry, been there before, done that AND have the t-shirt. Do you talk with her much? Deep intimate conversation? Are you filling up her LoveBank? Sounds like she is low on Deposits. Please talk with her and pray together! I learned this too late, the hard way. Harold

My WH says to me "I love you enough". REally hurts where the heart is. He had his "in-love" with this woman who has had 2 sexual affiars. His being the 2nd. He still doesn't see to this day that his in-love used him, knew where she wanted him (in bed), and after the first time it was so much easier the 2nd, 3rd, etc. <p>He would tell me it is the feeling, the wanting, etc. But hey, she dumped him, got angry at him, basically was very mean to me, told me she never loved my husband, that it was all fantasy & euphoria and she only loves her husband. Her H is the only one that she wants in her life. She wanted to go back to the way it was, and be wife, mother, grandmother. <p>So I think the in-love, is the FOGGGY THINGY!!!! It was great while it lasted, with deceit, betrayal, and lies. But now is it so GREAT?????

My wife gave me the speech of I love you, but I am not in love with you about 4 days before she told me that she never loved me and moved in with a lesbian friend of hers who was having trouble with her lesbian lover. The funny thing is that she gave me this speech about 4 days after she told me what a wonderful husband I was and how she never wanted to even think of living her life without me in my birthday card. She told me that she had only been infatuated with me because I was one of the first people to show her attention and pay her compliments. When a woman tells you before you marry her that she can be a B****, take my advice and don't marry her. From now on, I will be every woman's worst nightmare - a great listener who will not ignore any negative thing that she says or does before considering marriage. I truly enjoy people, but I am really afraid of any type of commitments after being burned this way. What most people are calling "in love with you" is another name for just lust plain and simple. If you love someone, sex is fun, but it is not the thing that you should make your decisions on. If I ever get married again, it will only be to a friend that I have known for a long time -someone that I can count on. I was there for her when she was down in her back and could not even get out of bed. I tried to comfort her when she would have migraines. I paid for her root canal even after she had already left me so that she would not hurt. She never did without anything that she wanted. I believe that I will follow the biblical advice of not seeking a wife in the future.

MY H WENT OUT THE DOOR STILL SAYING HE LOVED ME WOULD NEVER FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE AND THAT HE PROBBABLY WOULD NEVER FIND WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHAT HE HAD WITH ME..THIS WAS AFTER D-DAY.
BUT ON D-DAY I WAS TOLD IM NOT SURE I LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO BE MARRIED TO YOU AND I LOVE YOU IM JUST NOT SURE IM IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE.. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FEEL WHEN EVERYTHING IS CLOUDED WITH THE OW.. AND IF HE STILL LOVED ME ON MOVE OUT DAY THEN WHAT THE H@$L WAS HE DOING AND WHY DID HE STILL GO. HE COULDNT ANSWER THAT QUESTION.. ITOLD HIM HE HAD IT ALL HE SAID HE KNEW HE DID AND THAT HE WAS ALREADY SORRY. <p>
ANY IDEALS WHY HE STILL LEFT ???????????????????<p>I SAID I LOVED YOU SO MUCH AND HE SAID I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!! HE WONT TALK TO ME AND HASNT FOR 5 WEEKS NOW.. WHAT IS THIS BEHAVIOR I DONT GET THE ILOVE YOU BUT IM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU THING EITHER ..... IS IT JUST THE FOG TALKING OR IS THERE REALLY FOG?????? <p> HOPELESS AND LOSTNIKKI

Sorry Nikki,<p>There are some real jerks out there. Sometimes there are things that sadly we will never know. Good luck and God be with you. I know how it hurts. Love is only true as described in I Corr. 14. It amounted to infatuation by him and my wife not love. He never really loved you anymore than my wife loved me. My wife was too stuck on Lesbianism and still is I guess.

Wait! Wait! Wait! I also have to state what someone else did. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" does not always mean that the person who says it is cheating. I said this to my husband about 4 years in to our marriage. Why? Because HE had cheated on me, because he was getting a really bad temper and I didnt like the way he was treating me or our kids. He was lying to me all the time then too. With each lie, it changed how I felt towards him little by little. To the point that I told him that I loved him, but I was not in love with him anymore. I wasnt leaving the marriage either, but I was not happy with things at that point too. I also told him back then that I was trying to figure out how I could love someone, but not LIKE them. So yes, if someone makes this comment, they could be the one having an affair. But it ALSO means that due to actions on YOUR part, they are slowly falling out of love with you. Take it as a warning either way. Cause once someone 'loves you but isnt in love with you', thats when I think the circumstances are at their most prime for an affair to occur. But it's not just about 'oh, they will cheat on me cause they think this or feel this', it's about YOU looking at YOU to find out and see what it is YOU have done to make the other person have changes in what they feel towards you. Just my opinion.....

NO! Not the Kama Sutra book! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] That @#* beepin' book!! It was that darn book that was part of sealing confirmation to me that my H & OW did have a PA. She pulled the whole Victoria's Secret (more like Priscillas or Fredericks) stunts & tricks & obviously caught my H in her web. She was married too (ol' b@#*@) but got divorced last yr. Probably had plans with my H at the time. Anyway, I think 2 people who learn certain discoveries & experiments by themselves are much better off & much happier.<p>I agree with the meaning of the "fog" catch phrase, but I am disillusioned with so many who agree with its logic. I guess its opening up a can of worms on what exactly "LOVE" means. But to me if you love someone, then you are in love with them, whether you like it or not. <p>What makes me sad is that so many see infatuation and hormones/chemisty as love. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I agree that the feelings change, but it is still love. After 10 years, I don't expect raging hormones like a teenager with heavy panting & all. It is deeper, mellower, more unspoken. More mental, but all encompassing. Even when I am mad as hell I still love my H. I want to forgive him hurting me & doing things he may not realize hurt me. I think love is giving & not expecting anything in return (In general, dont attack me!. I know many here dont want to be treated as doormats etc).<p>I just cant explain it well enough. Just because you dont want to get naked etc doesnt mean the love is gone. It takes effort and work. I fear there are so many who are junkies for that emotional high & when it fades (infatuation) they ditch the spouse & find another. Sometimes even dumping them, when reality sets in only to start the cycle over.<p>Somewhere I saw a good analogy that I tried to relay to H at one time, but he told me he wanted that spark (infatuation, adrenaline rush, whatever! Its not Love!). It was that Infatuation etc is like putting a piece of paper on the fire - there is initially a big flame burst, but then the fire goes out. Whereas, put a big log on the fire & what happens - the flame might not surge so high, but the fire sure burns alot longer. <p>I wish people would give more focus on the existing relationship and be willing to let it grow and adapt as the two people involved do. Give REAL Love a chance. Of course theres the "Love is patient, love is kind . . " passage in the bible from the Corinthians. I am not a religious person, but I think its true.<p>But don't bite my head off. I know there are so many of us trying Plan A's when we would rather kill the other person, and going without our own needs being met (hence Kama sutra books & battery stuff [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] . How I wish the person we're wanting to come back emotionally, didn't dismiss "Love" so easily [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 08, 2002: Message edited by: cantletgo ]</p>