Hey All,<p>Well I thought I'd sit and and write a short update to you all. As of March 11 this year I have been divorced for 16 months. I have made many life changes since that point all good I hope. Made some mistakes but have learned from them. <p>I have quit my job of 11 years and have taken a new job about 50 miles away. It will be a great oppurtunity for me. I will be moving in June as my daughter graduates from HS this year and my sons want to finish out the year here. So I will be a commuter I guess for awhile. <p>I am still going with my boyfriend now of 6 months. So far so good with us we are very, very happy. I have started counseling again and he has gone with me also. Our counselor said we are both doing very well and should have a happy life together. We have the same goals and feelings about life in general. The reason I went back to counseling was to get help sorting out my feelings for my EX. She did a excellent job helping me with that. She made me realize that its ok to still care about him and what happens to him. Just because we are divorced doesn't mean we have to hate eachother. He has tried to attempt to reconcile but his life is a mess and I don't love him that way anymore. She made me realize that although he admits his mistakes he will make the same ones over and over until he realizes he needs help. I am to strong for that now. I have learned to think of me first, I have learned to be happy with me and to not totally live my life for another person. I am with someone now because I choose to be with that person. If he were to leave tomorrow my heart would be broken but I would ok because I have built my own life. <p>Anyway I am excited about the move, I have found a house to rent in the country so I can have my pets ect. It's only 1 mile from my boyfriends house so what could be better. We have chosen to wait to live together until we decide the time is right to get married. Maybe we are a little old fashioned but thats just how we feel. My kids love him especially my youngest son who for some sad reasons has never been close to his Dad. My middle son will be staying here with his Dad which thats ok his Dad needs him. He can drive now and so hopefully he will be down to see me alot.<p>I hope if any who reads this are new hear you realize that your life isn't over. It can be what you make of it. If you get a chance try and go back and read some of my earlier posts from around 1999to 2001. I at that time thought my life was over. Now I couldn't be happier and realize that there is a reason for most things it just takes time to figure things out.<p>Take care all<p>Jill

Jillybean-<p>All I can say is good for you. You sound so happy and confident. It really gives me hope. <p>Right now I am very lonely and it is really getting to me. I don't want my X back, but it kills me to know that he is still with the OW, still lying, etc. while I sit alone.<p>I am hoping that I too will have a happy ending. Best of luck with the move and new job and keep us posted.<p>Take care and God bless!
K

What a great update! I remember posting to you here before. "Moving On" is a good place in your life to be in ... everyone in D/D will get there in their own time.<p>Mine is a success story of sorts too ... if you're interested click here (I am still working on this page) ... like you and your person, we are very happy and are taking it slow.<p>Good for you!! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 22, 2002: Message edited by: Princess Buttercup ]</p>

Princess,<p>Just read your page and am very happy for you. This past few years have been a long journey through self evaluation. Like the song says,I could have missed the pain but then I'd of had to miss the dance. If it weren't for the divorce I wouldn't be the person I am today. I just wish the kids could have been spared this but you know they knew before I did that things weren't right in our marriage. They tell me stuff now. Two out of my three kids say they are happier now. This has been really hard on my middle child and I am doing the best I can to help him. <p>Just really glad you are happy, and I think we really need to emphasize this to the people on this board who have no chance of reconciling. Life after divorce isn't over. For some its just begining.<p>Jill

K,
I've been where u are not very long ago and I know how u feel. Believe you won't be alone forever. Out of the blue mister right will show up. Take care,<p>Jill

thank you so much for this update jilly ... my story parallels yours in many ways although i am not as far along ... i have been divorced for five months and i am such a different person than i was almost three years ago at the time of my first discovery ... <p>i too was in counseling for awhile and it helped me learn to live for myself, not to please someone else ... i also learned that i am worthy of love and respect... a concept that i had lost sight of somewhere along the way ... i am alone now (with 4 kids) but so much happier with myself and my life ...there is a potential for a new relationship with a wonderful man but i am taking it very slowly ...<p>my EX still has so many issues to deal with and on some days still talks about reconciling with me ... i will never go there ... he is still involved with at least two other women and really has never taken the time to sit back, discover and heal ...<p>divorce is something that i never dreamed i would experience but for everyone who is just starting down this road i just want to say it is not the worst thing in the world ... not loving yourself and living in darkness is so much worse ...<p>good luck on your journey jilly ... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Jilly,
I almost never post here...just read, but coming across your post today was like an answer to a prayer.
My stbx cheated, lied and walked out in August and we were getting ready to divorce when he started talking about reconciling. We have 3 kids 5, 3 and 1.
We thoughts about it and talked about it (I even stopped seeing the amzing, wonderful man I had been seeing) but today we came to the conculusion taht it just wouldn't wokr. He hasn't changed and he isn't able or willing to be in a commited relationship.
We still have a lot of feelings for each other and we're friends but I can't make a marriage work with someone who won't face his problems and reading your post has just helped me so much because it reminds me so much of my life. So thank you.
A

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>but for everyone who is just starting down this road i just want to say it is not the worst thing in the world ...<hr></blockquote><p>As someone who has been going down this road for a long time (3 years) I would have to disagree. With the exception of loss of a child as my sister tragically experienced, divorce absolutely is the worse thing in the world.