I am totally lost on my exh's thinking. He doesn't feel that we both should celebrate the holidays with our children. He thinks that whoever the children are with are the ones that should be celebrating the holidays with them. Does this make any sense? I don't feel that this is fair to the children. They shouldn't have to miss out or suffer because we are divorced. I feel they should be able to celebrate the holidays with both parents. It isn't their fault that we are divorced. My ex thinks that they will be getting double for the holidays because we are divorced. I don't understand at all. I keep telling him I don't care what he does, I am going to celebrate all of the holidays with my children. I just don't comprehend his thought process at all. <p>Any advice? Does this sound weird?<p>Kathy

Well that's a tough one. I guess I'll just tell you how we handle it. First off, I have two kids that live with me but have visitation with their father. I also have two step kids that live with their mother but have visitation with my husband. We rotate holiday's. I have always been the primary Christmas buyer for my two kids. That's because my ex will get them a cd or something but that's about it. He feels he pays child support so the majority of expenses in regards to "gifts" is my responsibility. That's fine. As far as Easter, this year they are with him, last year they were with me. When they were at home I would hide their eggs/baskets and when they did go to their dad's the following weekend he had a basket for them. This year I'll just have a basket at home waiting for them. Step kids will be over so I'll hide for them. It just depends....each house is different and how he decides to handle holiday's in his home is his business. I acknowledge holiday's for my step kids but I don't go the extent that their mother does because she is their primary residence. Kind of like vacation/trips. Each year we take a big vacation (last year Florida, this year a week at a resort) and we only take my kids. Why? My ex takes is visitation but he and his wife don't take my kids on vacation. If it were not for me, they would get NO vacation. My step kids are well off with their mother financially and she takes them on a couple of trips every year. To us it seems like all of the kids are treated pretty equally that way. My husband pays his ex enough each month so that she's able to take these vacations, hire a nanny and buy the kids everything they need/want. But, because he does that he doesn't have a lot left over to repeat every thing she's doing. The two of you will eventually work it out and meet in the middle. You'll find that he does things differently in his house. Some you'll agree with, some you won't.

Yes, that sounds weird. Maybe your ExH is worried about competition between the two houses with regards to presents and activities. But the kids will want to celebrate the holiday with both parents. It's the reason for the celebration that is important, not just the gifts.<p>Could you imagine not celebrating Christmas or Easter without the kids? And believe me, they'd notice. <p>Even before my WH and I separated, we would always have multiple celebrations because we would have one celebration with his family and then we'd go over to my family's house and have another and then sometimes we'd even have our own. That would make three Christmases three Easters three birthday parties etc. And when the celebratiosn are spread out over a few days or a week, the kids like it even more!<p>Your ExH is right though. They will be getting double, but so what? He sounds like a Scrouge to me! K

Me thinks that this is a control issue perhaps.<p>He is entitled to celebrate in whatever way he wants regarding the holidays/birthdays/celebrations with the children, with visitation and who they are physically with for the actual date of the holiday being the only factor.<p>If they are not with you on a date that is cause for celebration, and you wish to recognize whatever it is, why should you lose out on this event with your children? It is nonsensical.<p>There are all sorts of ways both of you can acknowledge momentous events with your children, it only depends on what each parent chooses to do.<p>Just my 2 cents worth!