My WW and I got into a little discussion last night that turned into something bigger. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She said again that she doesn't want to be married and she was going down to the courthouse to get D papers. She has said this before but one of these times she just might do it. I have been against D from the start and am still trying to get her to end A and spend some time alone to sort out herself and what is really important.<p>I hope it doesn't happen, but what should I do after being served? What did you do that worked well and what would you recommend not doing?

What you should do:<p>Run, don't walk, to your own attorney, hand over the papers, and give him/her a retainer. Explain the situation the best you can in as little time as possible. Have a list of questions you want answered so that you don't forget something important. Take careful notes so that you don't overlook something for later. This is important stuff, so you need to pay attention and keep your ducks in a row. This is for your own protection. A divorcing spouse will not be looking out for your best interests so you and your lawyer have to be the one doing that.<p>Try to come to agreement ahead of time about custody, parenting, debt division, and asset division. Talk to your attorney and get his/her advice about what's reasonable and what's not. If you make $2 million a year it's not going to be reasonable to expect to keep it all, but it's not reasonable for her to get it all either. I was surprised at how gray the law is, especially family law.<p>Try to deflect all the negative crap your ww is going to throw at you toward the lawyer. That's what he's there for. You're paying him, go ahead and get your money's worth. There are a couple of advantages to this if you're successful at it: 1) you avoid a bit of emotional turmoil, and 2) if there's a chance at reconciliation, whether before the divorce is final or after, you look like less of a bad guy.<p>What you shouldn't do:<p>Don't make outrageous assertions or demands. Don't mislead either lawyer. Don't try to hide your assets or low-ball your income. They'll figure it out anyway. Don't try to go it alone, or let one lawyer handle the whole thing. Try to avoid lengthy discussions with your ww about the divorce process or life after divorce. <p>Those are my suggestions. Of course your mileage may vary. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 22, 2002: Message edited by: o2bsane ]</p>

Yep. That's about right.

I advise you to search out a lawyer now rather than waiting to be served the papers. Also, get your financial records as organized as possible.<p>When I got served I discovered that I was given only two weeks to file an affidavit detailing all of my income and expenses. I am not particularly well organized, and I had to take a week off of work to gather and analyze documents. I ended up filing the affidavit myself, since two weeks was not enough time for me to find a lawyer I thought I could work with.<p>If you've been thinking about doing anything like refinancing a house, do that now also. Not only does the window for the lowest interest rates appear to be closing, but you may be slapped with a restraining order preventing you from doing it. In many jurisdictions it is standard procedure for the courts to issue restraining orders without a hearing.<p>Of course, I am a real stickler for following the rules as exactly as I can. In actuality, people get away with breaking them all the time. The courts seem to expect lies to be told and deadlines to be ignored, and there doesn't seem to be any penalty for doing so. The courts have even crafted procedures that allow themselves to ignore the law and weasel around their own rules.<p>So it turns out that I took the whole experience a lot more seriously than I probably should have. It's understandable to be afraid when you are placed at the mercy of a system which has the power to arbitrarily destroy you, but navigating the courts seems to resemble spinning a roulette wheel a lot more than skillfully negotiating an obstacle course.

Also get copies of tax returns and any copied of your w's income.<p>My x never did fill out the required list of assets and tried to sandbag on her income. Then her lawyer stole her portion of the income taxes after I naively took them to him( he was supposedly a friend of mine, we had gone on a vacation together.)<p>You may want to start your own checking account in case there is some kind of tie up of your joint account or she starts withdrawing money.<p>My x took money out of our savings account to get an apartment. I took out what would have been half, prior to her witdrawing her money and started my own account. I did the same with the checking.<p>I was fortunate in that my x simply wanted out of the marriage and didn't pull any of stunts a lot of ws do. That plus I think the om told her he was inheriting a lot of money.

Mt in Ak,<p>I think if I were you I wouldn't put the cart before the horse...<p>Instead I would concentrate on trying not to get those papers. <p>Have you contacted the Harleys and started counseling?<p>ANNA