I am 43, filed for the divorce one year ago after only 22 months of marriage. <p>During the process of divorce I thought about stopping it, to work on it one more time, but I
discovered he was spending large amounts of time on the phone with a lady and it stopped me cold.
Now the divorce is final, it's been 6 months. <p>My husband and I have talked since the final decree, Sept '01, fishing I think for what to do. He claims he loves me, I do not feel the same. While he was claiming this love, he was also seeing the lady mentioned above, in fact they were very very involved. <p>Is this adultrey? Do I have any right to be upset by this, after all, I filed for divorce and...."drove him into her arms". We are both Christians, so I deal everyday with the fact that my filing of the divorce did not have biblical grounds (at least not when I filed).<p>He feels our choices are to reconcile and be remarried, I feel (due to his infidelity) that my choices may also include a new marriage relationship, should one come along.<p>I feel he needs counseling, to deal with deep seated issues from his past, that caused him to behave in the emotional and spritually damaging ways that he did towards myself and his step son.
He believes that his new direction in life towards GOD is all that he needs to be a new person. I have spent 2 years and nearly $3000 learning what it was about me (my past) that caused me to marry such a fart. I am not the same person that he married.<p>Can I force my way of dealing with problems from the past on him as a boundery? And if so, can he seek counseling when he doesn't want to and get anything out of it?<p>Very dismayed, lonely, yet cautious

You said you filed for divorce, but there were not biblical grounds. I guess my answers to you would depend on why you would file for divorce after less than 2 years of marriage. <p>As for him being a fart, well, my x is a [censored] so maybe we have something in common!<p>Elizabeth

I think that you have biblical grounds because he started seeing the other person as more than friends while you were still married. Filing for divorce does not make it final. It just means that you are considering it very seriously until the judge says that it is final then you are still married.

You had little time invested, and good reason to divorce (he was not satisfied from the beginning with you)...do not look back, be thankful you found out quickly his nature.... it is normal for humans to lose something, then want it back, so he will pursue you, and obviously there were some things you liked, and it feels good to be pursued... don't fall for it, he is the same liar he was when you married....also it is IMPOSSIBLE to drive anyone into anyones arms, that is bs defeatist, co-dependent talk. he CHOSE her over you (he coulda fought for you if you guys had problems, but I bet he knew the woman even before you married). You will get over him pretty soon, 6 months not enough for full grief, disconnect process. At the very least date more men (when you feel ready) and compare, you will see he falls short. Good luck, be so so so thankful you got out before wasting too much time on a user, and you can look at it as a growth experience.<p>[ March 24, 2002: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]</p>

Thank you, each of you [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] My eyes are opened, once again. It seems that as the lonely hours add up, they begin to close again to the truth.<p>This has been very helpful, both ready others outreaches for help and from your replys.<p>I have told him I am not interested in reconciliation any further than we have already taken it, "friendly level of communication". I actually feel somewhat relieved from that step.<p>Dating, hummmmmm. Just don't care to think about that right now.

God is our loving Father who does not curse us into staying in a horrible marriage because the physical act of adultry has not been committed. Even if it were true that adultry was the only grounds for divorce, and divirce for any other reason was sin, God still forgives our sins, even the sin of divorce. He loves you and your ex, and forgives for whatever you have done wrong. Yes, God hates divorce, but he hates all sin, that is why Jesus came - to pay for our sins and satisfy the just wrath of God for his children. Don't beat yourself up. If you has asked for forgiveness you are forgiven by our Father. His heart was broken for you and for what was done, but you are not cursed, or a second class Christian.