I wanted to answer your questions separetly so as not to steal the other post.<p>My x married the om 10 months after our divorce, so I guess he is still the "love of her life" or soulmate as she called him. They've been married just over a year. We have been divorce 2 yrs as of Feb.<p>Discovery was May 99. We/I attempted several reconciliations with 3 different counselors. Each lasted on 2-3 visits. Each one ended after she went back to om after burying me in the counseling sessions. She started the divorce papers in Sept/Oct of 99. <p>The papers were stopped and she fired her lawyer on our last reconciliation attempt. The same result, occurred, she buried me in counseling and I found out she was back seeing om (on my birthday) and I restarted the divorce papers in Nov 99. The divorce was final in Feb 2000.<p>I tried Plan A in June, July, which seemed ineffective. Went to Plan B in late July after om moved in with her. This was ineffective also because of the kids, plus om was supporting her.<p>We have 2 kids, 14 yo d. and 11 yo s. I am the custodial parent and we live in the home. I bought her out of the house and she got half my pension less her little bit of pension. There is no alimony, and she pays me $400/mo in child support.<p>We get along, as long as I don't talk to her. I currently have some bitter feelings towards her, not exactly sure why though.

RWD, thanks for telling me about this post on the other one, as I don't hardly ever come to this board. I just had figured that question would get answers on this board.<p>I am sorry your situation didn't turn out, but it didn't sound like it had a chance as long as she persisted in continuing contact with OM.<p>You said: <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>We get along, as long as I don't talk to her. I currently have some bitter feelings towards her, not exactly sure why though. <hr></blockquote><p>Well, I would probably have bitter feelings too as it sounds like she didn't really give you a second chance, AND she was the betrayer, that certainly is a knife in the heart. I think it takes a lot of time to get on with life. Its not easy. The residual pain runs deep and isn't something that you can turn off.
How are the kids doing?
Mikkey

Mikkey,
Thanks for asking about the kids. They are doing real well. We got them into counseling right away after the split up. <p>I took my son to a Christian counselor that I was going to and he only went a couple times and she said he was coping well and had identified a number of people he could confide in. He is very open and tells me everything, sometimes much to my chagrin!<p>My x took my daughter to professional counselors that we had gone to, about twice and then the x went to a couple times after we/I decided to divorce. The biggest problem with them is that they were strictly professional and wouldn't tell me anything my daughter was feeling/saying.<p>My d went to a couple sessions. One set right after we separated, then another after that when x decided d needed to go because d was having "issues" with om. The therapist told me that d had "issues" with her mother and they would have to work it out. I took her a couple time after that as she ws having trouble sleeping at nite, but the problem turned out she was staying up too late and watching scary movies over the summer. Once school started, and she got back on schedule she was fine and had been since.

RWD I'm glad you were able to get the kids into counseling. I'm sure there will still be some ramifications down the road but at least you are ahead of the game and willing to work on it.
It will be interesting to see how long your x stays "soul mates" with the new H.
Good luck down the road.

It will be interesting. With my 20-20 hindsight, I see she never has stuck with any one thing too long. I guess I was the exception, we were together 16+ yrs.<p>In looking back, we never completed a car payment, we always had to get another car because she was tired of it. I don't know how many sofa's we went through.<p>We went through a lot of friends too. I'm still not sure what happened in those cases.<p>I just hope she doen't get tired of the kids.

RWD,<p>What did you mean by "your wife burying you" in a counseling session? She "buried" you in counseling? Like she dominated you? Or buried you, like killed you with rejection and threw dirt on you?<p>My WH said I was controlling? My friends say it was the opposite, that I was too submissive to him. We went to counseling for two years and things just got worse because he would clam up and never told the doctor & me about his adultery. Did I bury my H?

Help me understand?

VoR,
She "buried" me with rejection. After each of the initial visits with the two different counselors, my x came out angry. Both of the initial visits were basic info gathering sessions, so there was no blame being placed. Things between us were worse after the counseling sessions.<p>On our last reconciliation attempt, a couple nights before what turned out to be our last counseling session together, we went out on a date.<p>We went to dinner, then we went and walked through a home improvement store and were looking at different things for the home and saying how nice this and that would be in our home. We were walking arm in arm. <p>Afterwards we stopped at a pub and had a couple drinks and were playing games and generally having a great time.<p>When we got home, we made passionate love, before we even made it upstairs.<p>AT the counseling session, a couple days later, the counselor asked how the date went(she advised dating as x was already out of the house) and II said it was great. I really feeling that things were going to work out for us. OM had moved out of the apartment and there was no contact.<p>X said it was terrible. I asked her about the walking hand in hand in the store and passionate love making. She said it was an act, she couldn't even stand to look at me in the store, hadn't I noticed that. As for the love making, she said that after a few drinks she could make love to anyone, even the security guard at work, who I think she may have had a short EA with.<p>Shortly after that I found out om was back in the picture and that is when I refiled.<p>SO what I mean by buried me was she took no responsibilty for anything in our marriage. She blamed me for not being affectionate or romantic even though she had an ever changing laundry list of rules I had to follow in order to show affection/romance.<p>So what I was not seeing was any way we could work on our damaged marriage, she was essentially blaming me for everything. I know I had my faults in the marriage, but her dumping everything on me was not the way to go about repairing it. T<p>The counseling seemed to justify in her mind why she should leave.

OK, thanks. That makes sense. I am sorry she did that to you.

X appoligized for it later in a letter after I wrote to her and told her what it did to me. It still sticks in my mind.