wrote previous post not much response
see will he ever come back for the whole story. <p> i am 11 days away from a settlement meeting. this is the first time i will ahve seen or spoken with h. his choice not mine, he filled i dont want the divorce.

seems i have done everything wrong so far and just keep pushing him further away if when i dont mean to. how do i fix this in such short time my hearing is on 4-16-02 nad may be the final one if everything is agreed upon at the settlement meeting. <p> his transfer takes place 4-01-02, this will hopefully get him away from ow long enough to think about the situation some but its not enough time before the hearing... <p>is there anything i can do?????????????????<p> i hope he will come out of the fog if there is such a thing then agin he may be totally in love my gut feeling is that even after 9 years together that he is never coming back.. <p> his pride may not allow it even if he wanted to
ow family is talking a lot of trash about me and stiring the pot but of course he just cant believe this. im trying hard not to respond. <p>
anyone with some good advice
thanks lostsoul [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 26, 2002: Message edited by: lostsoul ]</p>

all you can do is take care of yourself and wait for the affair to die a natural death

thanks for the reply <p> waiting is such agony, i just hope it does die a natural death. how long do you wait ???????<p> should i try to delay the hearing on 4-16-02<p>i love him so very much , i miss him more than
anything. <p>lostsoul [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi - this is my first time here. I can really relate, and I wish I knew what to say. It does sound like I have things in common with you folks here, and I hope somehow to get some help or support here. I sure can't from my H.
We went today to an attny to "get the ball rolling" on a divorce I do not want. Seems he has tired of our "conversations" about what is wrong and just wants out. I sm sorry I talk so much and try to fix things, but I don't know what else to do. He wants to be done, and I can't let go.
We have had our ups and downs like anyone else, and he has caused me to be insecure and jealous at times. Now, he has started a new career in real estate, and was partnered up with a woman by the office manager. In a very fast, not even 3 months, they have become good friends, to the point that they want to buy houses together and leave me out of the loop. He says it is all just business, but that they are friends, and will remain business partners for a long time, no matter how I feel. I don't know if they are more than business....I feel that they are somewhat emotionally attached, and I don't know about the physical....it makes me so sick to think that they could be having an A. He tells me no, and I try to believe him.... She calls him on his cell phone at our home all the time, on weekends, in the evening and at night, once at 11:30 pm and kept my H on the phone till 1am. He says he will talk to her whenever she calls and will not stop or ask her to limit her calls to earlier. I have asked him to at least make them earlier, and shorter in duration and he refuses. Most of the time they do talk business, but then, now he usually takes his phone outside to "walk the dog" but I know he is on the phone. He calls her all the time. Seems like they are the first and last calls everyday for each other. They seem to have good conversations, but, hey, that's what I used to have with him, and I feel replaced.
Well, sure, now that we are probably going to end it all, well, I am trying so much, but, well my name is 2little2late, after all. I don't want to end my marriage, I like being married.
I just can't say goodbye, we have been together 13 years and have 2 kids together. All he wants now is total freedom to come and go as he pleases - real estate has shown him this freedom, and now it is all he wants, with no questions whatsoever from me, and he wants "blind" trust, that is, I should just trust him and what he tells me to be true, with no effort on his part to really support the trust. Make sense? I have not asked much really....faithfulness to our marriage, which I also adhere to....respect and consideration.....a bit of love and attention....just to know how his day was, what he did and when he'll be home, for dinner, maybe??? I guess it is too much.
I am trying, but I think it is too late. Should I just let go, and how do I do that? My friends tell me to just concentrate on my kids and myself, but I have so much time, energy and love invested in me....I can't believe the love he had for me is gone. I love him so much, and he finally, after telling me for 3 months that he doesn't know how he feels about me, that he does love me, but doesn't know if he is "in love with me". He feels that I am on his back all the time, and that I talk too much. Wants me to shut up and not involve myself in his business. Just to wait and let things evolve. But I see them evolving away from me. And I don't know how else to communicate with him without talking.
Anyone have any advice for me? I am trying to put off filing any papers, I do not want to do this. He is so cold about everything. And I do get emotional. He hates that and just shuts down. I am on medication for panic and depression. I am seeing a counselor. Of course my H refuses to go to a counselor with me. I feel so stuck, afraid and alone. I love and am so attached to someone who is not attached to me, and who doesn't care in the same whay and is cold, indifferent and unloving to me. Why do I hang on? I do need help.

Don't try to control somthing beyond control.
I'm assuming this is a mediation of assets meeting not a final hearing. This may be part of the wakeup call for him. Just try to keep a possitive attidude.and plan A for yourself. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

2little<p>If you try to hard you will push him away.Read what plan A is and do it for you. Make you a better person the begining is the hardest but in the long run no matter the outcome you will be a better person.

trailhorse
this hearing may be the final one if we come to an agreement on 4-05-02 seettlement meeting. <p>the first actual hearing is 4-16-02 it is a temp. hearing unless we are ready to settle matters, i have a feeling that it will be the final hearing we had talked about things and preety much know how to split things up. <p> im interested in the comment that this may be the first step to him coming out of the fog, do you really think it could be possible it has been 5-6weeks since i have seen or spoken with him, it seems so verrrry long. <p>
i keep looking for hope and praying that he will see the light before its to late, i wish the mothership would crash soon and hard. <p>i recieved his change of address verification to- day, boy did that trigger emotions. its hard to see him leave when you cant let go. he has my heart and soul, i think we are making a huge mistake. thanks for the reply lostsoul
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

2little2late <p>please read plan a advice before you do anything. <p>i feel so much for you i did not want this divorce either i feel some much like you for my h ,<p>i think you really do need to look into the situation and im sorry but you need to be sure there is not an ea going on. i have heard all the same things you are being told. i heard them several months before i saw the a. i felt it was happening in my heart but i let it go on to long, when i confronted him it all fell apart i think ow wanted me to confront h when i look back on thinggs i had phone calls to my house telling about the affiar i think it was a set up so that i would confront him . everyone thought i would leave him, but guess again i loved him to much. 9 years and he has my heart, i have made a lot of mistakes then i found mb i wish i had found it sooner because it seems i have drove him futher away. please read everything you can before filing any papers. i wish i had the option my husband took that away we he filed. early on he asked to seperate i said no, wishing so much that i had done that, maybe i could plan a then but now he wont talk or have contact with me. its hard to fix anything when they wont talk. so be very careful if you love with all your heart and your stedfast in your love. <p>please dont let this man mentally abuse you, they all use the same excuses most ws as i have found could talk for each other they sound so much alike, but there is a line and only you can decided what is to much for you. <p>take care of you find some support, my friends have been wonderful, and i have found some very good advice here.. <p>take your time, dont act rash and dont do foolish things but invest the time to find out if this is an a, i hate this but it sure sounds like its beyond a friendship look in your heart you will know, dont deny that feeling inside it speaks volumes.
keep your headup and keep working at things, i pushed to hard and he went away as a result think each step through and protect your self. <p>thinking of you, lostsoul