I'm sorry that it has come to this point in your life. <p>I just wanted to add my support, and a few thoughts.<p>Make sure that this is what you want to do. Have you read the material on this site? Have you read SAA (Surviving an Affair) and His Needs Her Needs (HNHN)? I only say this because you have to remember that an affair is like an addiction, and by asking your WW to give up the OM is like asking a druggie to give up drugs or an alcoholic to give up drinking. They can't do it for someone else - they themselves have to want to do it. <p>It may still be possible to save your marriage. I know you are hurt, and your wife has committed the ultimate betrayal - but think about your wedding vows and read the info. on this site, and books about the effect divorce has on the kids before you make a decision.<p>I don't know your story, but generally you know that affairs only last around 6 months after seeing the light of day. It is very hard to wait around for the WS to end the affair, but the odds of the affair dying are far greater than the odds of it succeeding. In a year the affair may be dead. However, when divorce proceedings are initiated then it kind of puts the WS recovery on hold because they can focus their anger on you and it can drive the WS and the OP together now that they have a common foe. It is also hard on the children. Yes you can always get remarried, but then the property is split the kids are relocated and if your wife comes around in a year, then you've got alot more work to do to get your life back to normal.<p>Yes, the WS is selfish and not thinking about anyone else right now - but that doesn't mean they will think that way forever.<p>Have you thought about Plan A? It's not for wimps, as they say. You need a good support system of friends, family, counselor, church groups/priest/minister and most importantly God.
People will say you are crazy for sticking it out - but isn't that what marriage is about - from death 'til you part?<p>Now I know they put us through alot of pain, but if your wife hasn't filed for divorce - TIME is on your side. I wouldn't push it. <p>Also, if you want to have a good custody arrangement for you and your kids - you should not be the one to move out - your wife should. Once you do it's harder for you to get the house and the kids - and since your wife is the one making the selfish decisions, you can't trust her to be thinking in the best interest of your children anymore. Your children need you more than ever. Talk to a child counselor and read some books about kids and divorce if you need to because this is a big transition for them. Even having parents living in different houses really rocks their world.<p>Like I said, I don't know your particulars, but I wanted you to get an objective opinion on the situation in general so that you can have all the facts. The natural inclination is to file for divorce, but that doesn't really solve our problems, we still need to do the work on ourselves. And I'm an attorney, so I should be the first one to tell others to go to the courthouse. Say a little prayer for guidance, and I'll say one too. Good luck. K
