Well my STBXW was served last night and it wasn't pretty.<p>I was expecting it though. The petition states that I would have primary custody of our son. She went through the roof. She didn't think I was serious about this whole divorce thing. Some of you might remember my story from the 'emotional needs' section to 'just found out'section.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=001373<p>When she got the divorce papers last night she called my mother and started to yell at the top of her lungs about taking my son where no one would ever find him! Is she crazy? I'm thinking it's just the initial shock of the petition. She promised to see me in court. I didn't show her the letters and pictures of her and this drug dealer that I have
so when I mentioned that the reason I was seeking custody was because I didn't want my son around those kinds of negative influences, she still denies being in any kind relationship with this guy that's locked up. <p>I'm going to talk to my lawyer again today to see what's the next move. I'm a mess again.

parental kidnapping is a very real concern, and not a lot you can do, but you also cannot live a life based on that threat...there are a few things you can do.<p>1. Make sure you have fully identified your son. Fingerprints, good photographs, DNA sample, identifying marks (could be useful in the future). Try as he ages to make sure he has your telephone number memorized, and the idea to call you...make sure you keep that telephone number always, and practive alot, also be prepared to add caller id to it quickly should she ever take him.<p>2. Document the threats made to your mother, and any other kidnapping threats.<p>3. Try to make sure you have a complete list of names. addresses, phone numbers, of any friends, relatives who she may run too.<p>4. Try to be sure and have good photographs of your wife.<p>5. Keep in mind that statisitcally your wife will probably get custody if she wants it (unless you have a mountain of bad evidence)...so it may be useful to let her know you are flexible on custody, and just want to be involved, maybe through co-custody...try not to encourage her mentality it is a war...call her up and discuss this asap, without LB, or threats.<p>I am a dad too, my w said things like this early in our marriage (not hiding, just divorcing me, and keeping kids), and it is pretty traumatic...so is ok to be a mess, just do what you have to do.

See, my thing is I want to be involved in my son's life. I told her that I would like to have him on Tuesday nights so that I can take him to school on Wednesday's, and then pick him up Fridays after school then drop him off on Sundays- or something like that not just Friday evenings and drop him off on Sundays, that's just not enough time. She won't budge. Why should I have to sacrifice spending time
with my son because she decided to see someone else?<p>I'm waiting to hear from my lawyer

Record your phone conversations with her. And get your family to record the coversations as well. Believe me, I helpe a friend of mine with this type of issue and it was invaluable at the time to show their state of mind, their intentions, etc. These threats should be taken seriously. I'd rather err on the side of caution that be kicking myself in the pants with would of, could of, should of.<p>Just my thoughts.

This is going to sound mean but keep in mind that LIFE ISN'T FAIR. <p>First I would instruct my mother (well, yours) that she doesn't have to listen to that junk and just tell W to call you and then hang up.<p>I would *NOT* let her know what 'evidence' I had against her. Can't show your cards too early. SNL had good advice, too. I would do those things. I would also record the calls but I don't think they're admissable in court.<p>Standard visitation for a 'non-custodial' parent is Wednesday from 6-8 and the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends of the month from friday even to sunday evening. Perhaps she will be a little flexible on this. <p>And while I'm sure SNL knows what he's talking about, I do have friends whose children were given to fathers. I think the courts are getting away from the gender bias a little.<p>Good luck.

Oh! and don't forget that other universal truth-- Divorce always makes people act ugly and say things they have no intention of doing.

Update!<p>The divorce is proceding.. We've kinda come to an agreement; she would have primary custody of our son and I would have him on the weekends and pick him up from school on Wednesday's. I have every intention of supporting my Son so the issue of child support is not an issue, I just want this thing over so I can go ahead with my life, I don't want to drag this out.<p>Here's the weired part.. I've met someone who I really like (I know, it's too soon, don't do the re-bound thing) but I can't help it. I haven't felt this way about someone in years. It gets complicated she knows my STBXW. Not enough to talk to her if they ran into each other on the street but she knows who she is and my STBXW knows of her.
I don't want to complicate things further, but I'm having a real hard time ignoring how I feel about this wonderful new person. The last thing I want is for my STBXW to find out that we may dating or like each other and use that as ammuniton in court or something. Me and this new person never had anything going on in the past, I would see her and her then boyfriend, and she would see my STBXW at party's etc (we have mutual friends). She has since left her boyfriend (he cancelled their wedding 2 weeks before the big day) and she has moved on with her life, so we when she found out that I was getting a divorce we both kinda bonded. We talked a lot and found out we have a lot in common. I'm just really concerned about the timing of this all! I really think that I could have a future with this new person, and I know that I'm definately over my STBXW. The court date is going to be scheduled for us to go before the judge to finalize the divorce (it takes about 2-3 months). <p>On one hand I'm really excited that I met this person, on the other hand I don't want to complicate things. This person is really wonderful
and I want to believe that it is worth the risk to continue seeing her. We haven't gone out and there's no sex involved or anything, but we definately 'connect'.<p>Confused-but a lot happier.