To those who have been generous with your advice on my previous topics...THANKS!
To those that don't know - here's a quick update of my history:<p>- Married 2 1/2 yrs
- 1 SD (8yrs.old)- raised her since she was 1 year old.
- 1 son (2 yrs old)
- SD always jealous of my son
- Love my SD - but the feelings aren't mutual.
- Separated with W on 2/1/2002. (because W felt she wasn't in love with me anymore).
- Reconciled on 3/9/2002.
- Found out about W's pregnancy on 3/22/02 (YES... it's mine.)<p>Now she wants an abortion. I don't. She's adimant towards it. I feel like I have no say-so.<p>What do I do?<p>These are my thoughts...
1)I know it may not be the right time for us to keep this baby.
2)At the same time, my son could have another brother/sister.
3)It was tough for SD to deal with my son being born, how much more if another one?
4)Can we handle it? 3 kids?
5)If we go through with the "A", will we regret it?
6)If we keep it - what if things don't work out between W and me?<p>What do I do?

Oh my. This is just very heart wrenching. Why an abortion??? I mean, if I was a man and my wife wanted to kill my unborn child, I would not handle that very well at all. I'm very against abortion though except in extreme circumstances. If you feel strongly against abortion, think of how you would feel towards her afterwards, and for years to come. <p>During my first marriage, my at the time husband and I were seperated, then I found out I was two months pregnant. I was supposed to have corrective surgery, before getting pregnant ever again. I had severe problems. I contemplated an abortion because I knew how horrible my pregnancy would be. My at the time husband and I tried to work things out for the baby's sake (and our other two daughters) It lasted for 3 years after that, and we finally ended up getting a divorce. Despite the fact that the child was unplanned at first, I would not trade my son for the world. And I can't believe I even contemplated an abortion [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Honestly, your wife probably resents the pregnancy because of the strife between you too, and the timing. Pregnancy is a very "entrapping" situation to a woman. It makes her feel vulnerable and dependent. If for some reason you two don't work out, it makes it very hard for her to leave and take care of herself after just having a newborn and 3 kids.<p>For her, at this stage, I can see why she feels like being pregnant, having a baby could entrap her and tie her to you even more, especially during this time of difficulty for you two. Does this make any sense??<p>Above all though, we must remember it is her body. Tell her that you do not want her to do this, and that if she doesn't want to keep the child, at least could she consider letting you care for it (i.e. if you guys do not stay together), or letting a family member have it, or giving it up for adoption? <p>I can not have any children, and my husband and I would love to have a baby [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Best of luck.

I'm so sorry for your crisis situaion. Please keep talking and reaching out for help. 90+% of people who have abortions regret it within 10 years. Life goes in a downward spiral until you come to grips with what has happened. Some people may not say they regret it for 10 years but their life will show otherwise. I regretted it and my life was a mess. It is irrepairable, at least adoption if you regret giving your child away...you can one day go search for them.<p>If you let me know what city you live in I can help you find a good Women's Pregnancy Center. They will help you make a more informed decision. Gather all the facts and don't act out spontaneously because it is a lifealtering decision no matter what you choose. Here is one in Houston and some info about it if you want to email her she will give you more information: <p>Women's Pregnancy Center
8300 Bissonnet Suite #160 / Houston, TX 77074
Karen Vannaman, Executive Director 713.774.0126
kvannaman@pdq.net
Ministry focuses on women and their families who are experiencing pregnancy crisis.<p>WPC is a Christ-centered ministry reaching out to those in our community who are experiencing a pregnancy-related crisis. Believing God creates human life in His image at conception, WPC provides spiritual, emotional, and physical support while proclaiming the Gospel as God provides the opportunity. This mission is accomplished through educational means that teach Biblical principles and through networking with other organizations that provide services not furnished by WPC.

I definitely think you have a say-so. A mariage should be about agreeing on things. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] And it's your baby too. Read up on Harley's POJA, and see if you can talk openly with your wife. Make sure she knows how you feel. Don't let your voice go unheard. <p>1)I know it may not be the right time for us to keep this baby.
How many babies are born at the "right" time? Maybe it IS the right time. A difficult struggle for you two to work through together and make you stronger.<p>2)At the same time, my son could have another brother/sister.
Yes. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] My sister's 3rd child was a BLESSING!!! He is the best-behaved, sweetest, smartest, most-helpful, etc. It's impossible to imagine life without him. (I don't have kids, and would love them.)<p>3)It was tough for SD to deal with my son being born, how much more if another one?
Have you and your wife tried counseling, or other means of trying to better your relationship with SD, and help her deal with everything? And, it may actually help her, ya know? Maybe if it's a girl - it would be a sister she could relate to.<p>[]4)Can we handle it? 3 kids?[/b]
Yes! It will be difficult, but you can!<p>5)If we go through with the "A", will we regret it?
Probably. Based on the statistics, and people I know. It can't be reversed. If you have the child, you will be blessed, and probably no regrets. <p>6)If we keep it - what if things don't work out between W and me?
Cross that bridge when you get to it.<p>I don't think you mentioned WHY your W feels that she wants the A.

First and foremost...<p>You have my prayers...
Your W has my prayers....
The unborn, innocent child has my prayers!<p>Give the child a name now...
...he was known to God before it's conception...
...let him/her be know to you and your family!<p>You may never convince your W to spare your child's life...
...but if by some miracle...
...your W shows even modest interest...
...have some articles ready for her...<p>check out Life!<p>With the love of God...
...may His compassion reach your W...
...and comfort you... in your distress.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR<p>[ March 27, 2002: Message edited by: NSR ]</p>

A Baby's Prayer by Kathy Troccoli<p>I can hear her talking with a friend
I think it's all about me
Oh how she can't have a baby now
My mommy doesn't see
That I feel her breathe, I know her voice
Her blood it flows through my heart
God you know my greatest wish is that
We'd never be apart <p> CHORUS: But if I should die before I wake
I pray her soul you'll keep
Forgive her Lord - she doesn't know
That you gave life to me <p> Do I really have to say goodbye
Don't want this time to be through
Oh please tell her that I love her Lord
And that you love her too <p> CHORUS: But if I should die before I wake
I pray her soul you'll keep
Forgive her Lord - she doesn't know
That you gave life to me <p> On the days when she may think of me
Please comfort her with the truth
That the angels hold me safe and sound
'Cause I'm in Heaven with you
I'm in Heaven with you

bumping for Follower... give us an update?

Follower, I have mixed feelings about posting on this thread. I had an abortion in college. Twenty years later, I'm not quite the staunch prochoicer that I once was. At the time, I didn't think of abortion as snuffing out a life form. I saw it as the good riddance of a problem I didn't want. My reasons were entirely selfish. Despite a lot of effort over the last two years to engage in personal growth, I can only conclude that I'm still a selfish person to this day. <sigh> I'm a piece of work in progress, and some pieces need a lot more work than others! <p>Anyway, a link in an off topic thread in EN took me to a photo that really took my breath away. It's two teeny tiny little feet held between an adult thumb and index finger. I had a sinking feeling inside. I felt like I had done something seriously and dramatically wrong when I made that decision two decades ago. For the first time ever, I thought, OMG, those prolifers are right! I did a search and found the link for you. It touched my heart 20 years too late for the person who could have been. Your W has undoubtedly seen the photos that the prolifers use in their protests. For some reason, those photos didn't phase me. Each of us has our own time, place and event to see things more clearly. The feet did it for me. When I made my decision, there was really just one person who mattered the most, and it wasn't me, or my boyfriend, or my family, or his family, or any of our friends. It was the person with the teeny tiny little feet. HTH<p>
http://www.machlink.com/~e2b7/amazingphotos.html

Again,<p>Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. I'm trying real hard to convince my W to not go through with it (Having the "A" done). But again, I feel that my job is to let her know my feeling towards it and try to feed her with some positive aspects to it. I really want this child. We visited her doctor yesterday (4/1/02) for consultation - he (the doc) gave us one week to think about it. But my W seems adimant towards having the "A" done.<p>The part that is difficult is that - I'm coming from a "Christian" way of seeing things. God said that He knew us since we were in our mother's womb. So the baby that exist in my W's womb is already a human being. And to go through with this would be "murder". My W doesn't see it that way due to the fact that she doesn't have the same relationship with God as I do.<p>So I have ONE WEEK ('till 4/8/02) to do what I can to keep "God's blessing" alive.<p>You can also send comments to my personal email "mindrhythms@hotmail.com".<p>Thanks in advance.
And I'll tell you... God blessed me with this website.

Advise needed A.S.A.P
I have less than 1 week.

Follower,
****Why does your wife feel that she wants an abortion?****<p>Do you think she would read the things we've posted to you on this thread? Remind her that YES, it's her decision, but it's a BIG decision, and will she please consider your feelings, and please listen (read) some ideas on the topic. <p>Have you talked about possibly giving the baby up for adoption?<p>Faith1

Have you checked any legal remedies? I think in some states you may have to have the father's permisson/ok. I am not sure of that though and I'd imagine that it wouldn't be in too may states.

Answer to "Have we ever thought of giving the baby up for adoption?"...<p>No. I'd never do that nor has it ever crossed my mind. For some, it may sound like a good idea - being in financial trouble or if they have an addiction that they can't get rid of, etc. But for myself, there is no finacial trouble or anything.<p>I asked my W "why?". She feels that "NOW" just isn't the time. She "does" want another, but after having a house of our own (we are currently renting). She feels that she will be ready for another one when we are more "stable".<p>Now to me, I feel that we just need to pray about it and let God do the rest. He will, in time, bless us with a house. But again, that's just MY THOUGHTS and FAITH.<p>Again, my W doesn't see it that way. And I need to find ways to put this kind of Faith and Trust in God. I want this baby badly. I already have names picked out...<p>If a boy - EZEKIEL or ELIJIAH
If a girl - EZRA <p>Again, the Lord and myself have now only "4 days" to change her mind.<p>Please add us in your prayers.
And again, feel free to email me at "mindrhythms@hotmail.com". <p>THANKS IN ADVANCE.<p>[ April 04, 2002: Message edited by: Follower ]</p>

Regardless of whether or not your wife has the abortion and takes your son's brother/sister from him and your son/daughter from you, there should be ABSOLUTELY NO more sex, NO more making love, NO more intercourse with your wife UNTIL she has her tubes tied and you have a vasectomy. And even after that, you should still use a condom with spermicide, and she should use an IUD as well, just to be sure, or else you are a voluntary and willing participant if she decides that the next time she gets pregnant that now still isn&#8217;t such a good time. The next time you&#8217;re an accessory to murder.<p>You may be this time as well. Because if you really believe this &#8211; "God said that He knew us since we were in our mother's womb. So the baby that exist in my W's womb is already a human being. And to go through with this would be 'murder' " &#8211;then every waking hour of every day for the next four or five days has to be spent PROACTIVELY exhausting every means possible of altering the course of your wife's decision. Every possible or potential avenue has to be PROACTIVELY explored &#8211; legal, moral, financial, etc. You should also be seeking counseling and not putting too much hope on getting answers from Internet message boards. All of this -- and more -- are the debt you incur from believing as you do (if you really do believe as you say you do. Some people don't; some people just give lip service to it. That&#8217;s also for you to decide.)<p>Because this is not the time for you to be a follower of your wife and her chaos. It's time for you to step up and be a leader. To show your moral spine, your moral backbone. If you believe this &#8211; "God said that He knew us since we were in our mother's womb. So the baby that exist in my W's womb is already a human being. And to go through with this would be 'murder' " &#8211; if you really and truly believe this, then you are obligated to act in accordance with this belief. This is where the rubber meets the road. If you fail to protect your soon-to-be-child (STBC), then you what you will be showing is that when it comes down to it, you really believe in something else, that what you really believe in is not rocking the boat, not divorcing, keeping the family together at all costs, not sticking your neck too far out, playing it safe, etc.<p>You may also want to consider divorce. Your wife may not be an acceptable role model for your children. If she&#8217;s capable of aborting a child after already having had two, then what does that say about her commitment to being a good and selfless parent and responsible role model? If she&#8217;s willing to have an abortion for such heinous and capricious, if not evil, reasons, she may be a derelict in other areas parent-wise as well.<p>And adoption should be an option. As sad and possibly jarring, if not traumatic, as it may be to your two other children to see their sibling given up and removed from the family, it&#8217;s at least a better option than the alternative your wife currently has her mind set on.<p>I&#8217;m sorry for the stress and anxiety that this all has laid upon you. And I&#8217;m also sorry if I&#8217;ve contributed more to it by being so direct in this post to you. But time is of the essence. It seems to me imperative that you proactively rise up and meet this challenge and do what is right and good and shows a reverence for life.<p>I really wish you well and that you bring to bear all of the strength and courage and wisdom and compassion you have and can muster,<p>Paruil

Wow, Paruil! Great words!!!<p>Follower.... yes, please.... consider his advice carefully. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>every waking hour of every day for the next four or five days has to be spent PROACTIVELY exhausting every means possible of altering the course of your wife's decision. Every possible or potential avenue has to be PROACTIVELY explored &#8211; legal, moral, financial, etc. <hr></blockquote><p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Because this is not the time for you to be a follower of your wife and her chaos. It's time for you to step up and be a leader. To show your moral spine, your moral backbone. <hr></blockquote><p>I also like his perspective of the future, that if you have no vote on the outcome of pregnancy, then there's no reason to have sex, or even be married.<p>hmmmm.... tough situation... I am praying for you. Will send you an e-mail later.

[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 06, 2002: Message edited by: justthewife ]</p>

Follower--<p>I am so very sorry you are in this incredibly painful position. Yes, I do think that as the father, you should have equal say in any decision.<p>I wish you well, and will say a prayer.<p>Kathi

Follower:<p>I really, really, really hope and pray that your wife decides to keep the baby. It would be wonderful if your family can work everything out and your unborn son or daughter can be raised in a happy and loving home with both of his or her parents. I always said that the best gift a child could ever have is two parents who love each other.<p>However, this is an extrememly personal issue between you and your wife. It's true that the timing could not be worse. This is the MB board, so I'm going to have to go with applying the policy of joint agreement on this. Unless you and your wife can come to an enthusiastic agreement about having child #3 in the next couple of days - it's probably best to let her go through with the abortion.<p>I personally don't believe that fetuses are people until they take their first breath of air independent of their mothers - fetuses are the potential for a real, live human being. But, because you mentioned earlier that you were Christian, I respect that you may disagree with me on that point.<p>I hope you can work things out to your mutual benefit, but if she decides to get an abortion, Please focus on healing your family and your relationship with your SD.<p>I have several friends who have had abortions who have gone on to have loving relationships with their spouse, and subsequent, healthy children. If she decides to get an abortion - it's not the end of the world, or even your relationship unless you choose to make it so.<p>I hope this helps...<p>[ April 07, 2002: Message edited by: Lulu ]</p>

Follower --- <p>As the father you SHOULD have the right to have a say in this - I'm sorry you are in this position - I will be saying a prayer for you and for your baby! How precious they are!!! <p>Blessings for you and your children whatever her choice on that day. God's speed my friend.<p>Prayers are going up for you.<p>Jan

Consider me one of those people who would have been all for it 15 years ago. Now I have 3 of my own and the last was a surprise.....<p>Now there is NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that that baby is a PERSON from the get go. It is horrible to father a child with someone you don't care about or aren't married to.... but you are playing with fire if you think you can abort a baby in the security of a marriage and not have serious psychological repurcussions later. <p>I will go on the record as saying that if your wife goes through with this that you will be eliminating your marriage's future. Either the guilt will eat her alive or you will resent her or you two will be haunted by regret. Marriage is tough enough without that!<p>Have you sat down with her and poured your heart out and told her that you want this baby? If not you had better do it if you want to be able to live with yourself and save your marriage.<p>STIM