It's a free country. A woman has a right to choose whatever she wants to do with her body and it is her decision. Bible thumpers get off your high horse. You have no right to judge her. It must be a terrible place that she is in to have to make that decision but its her choice to do what she wants. <p>I can't believe these religious types can be so judgemental yet claim they are children of God. <p>Get off her case and stop insinuating she is a killer. You have not walked a mile in her shoes. <p>She can do whatever she feels is best for herself.<p>This post is making me sick [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My three cents and now I will leave. I saw someone mention this post in another forum and they were right. This is terrible. God doesn't judge, yet you who claim to be of God do. Make sense of that. <p>I hope your wife is not swayed by this craziness.
I hope she makes the choice that is best for her and her life. <p>God will be with her regardless what she chooses. Don't listen to these fanatics!

I just saw this. I agree with Pam-Blue with regards to this post:<p>
posted by voice of reason<p>"I love you Daddy! I love you too, Mommy. Please let me live! God, my Father, I trust in you."
Voice of Ezekial
Voice of Ezra<p>**************************************<p>Follower:<p>Stick by your wife. Help her through this tough time. Support her decision much as you can. Realize that she is in a bad place. My former sister in law had to go through this same thing, her husband was not for it but he dug deep in his soul and heart and prayed hard and supported his wife and left the rest in God's hand. Please don't think all true Christians are as hurtful minded as the Voice of Reason. God is not about making you feel bad and judged. He will be there for both of you. Place it in his hands.<p>Bless you both. <p>Voice of Reason: You are ILL!!!! What a horrible thing to say to someone if so much pain. You should be ashamed of yourself. Please don't call yourself a Christian, that shames the good Christians out there. Honestly, you call that help and advice. <p>Ok Ok..Before I get in trouble. I will pray for you. That is all I can do for someone that could be so rough on a couple that is such turmoil. <p>***

follower....I feel for you I do. <p>I hope that I can shed some light onto things. <p>I was barely 18 when I got pregnant, thought that I was in love but in a short time found out that he was very physically and verbally and mentally abusive. I myself was only for abortion in certain circumstances. But what people don't realize that there are other bad circumstances that alot of people don't think about. I thought of if he was this way with me how would he be to this child. I decided to have an abortion. It was the best decision I think not to bring an innocent child into the world to pay for mistakes that I had made but the worst one at the same time. What it did to me mentally is unbearable. I felt so much pain I was severly depressed for about 18 mos. afterwards. My parents even thought they might come home and find that I had killed myself. Has your W thought about the affects it can do to her afterwards. You are worried with keeping the baby might ruin your marriage her having the "A" and then realizing it was the wrong thing could do that as well. I am more worried about how your W will take it afterwards then what would happen if you keep the child. I think that its the worst pain that any woman could go thru. Maybe you should seek out a counselor that handles these type of things to talk with your wife, to atleast prepare her for whatever decision that she makes. Also remember women are very hormonal and get confused when a pregnancy comes about at the wrong time. So I think seeing a planning parenthood counselor type person would help both of you to come to a decision. I wish I had done that myself....I'll keep you and your family in my prayers....

I wanted to make a short reply to paruil.....<p>
You seem to be, lets say spiritual person it seems and totally opposed to abortion. Which is fine god has given us the right of freewill and thinking what we like. B4 you start spouting off at the mouth like that and throwing all this on him like its all his fault why don't you look at the bigger picture. He obvioulsy doesn't want the "A" as he puts it. Yes they took an active part in creating the child but if his wife decides to do this there is NOTHING he can do to stop it, law states that its the womans body and the womans decision. Some women abuse it. I don't agree with the ones that do. I don't know if you are male or female I am assuming a male. Its a big thing to have a child and especially in a situation as his. Women get confused, and upset, and in a "fog" of there own as I will call it during pregnancy. I don't think that her getting an abortion is enough to call it quits what about there other children, regardless if they get a divorce she is still going to be around her children right. So the whole role model thing you brought up can be thrown out the window. What would that also say to the children that b/c two people disagree(yes, this being a huge disagreement don't get me wrong) that they shouldn't go to counseling and work it out. It will be hard for both of them. Spouting off stuff about murder isn't going to help his situation, and the thing about coming to internet message boards. What are you doing here quite frankly. People come here to get help, advice, a shoulder to lean on when bad things happen in there life. I am so thankful that all these wonderful people are here to ask questions and get suggestions and suggest myself. I am just aggrivated that you would come at someone like that. In that manner. Yes, we all have opinions and those come out in our posts but not the way you came at him. Yeah he can yell and scream and gripe and moan and BEG!!! but ultimately he can't do anything. I think he knows that. He can not have this baby for her and what's to say she has the baby and then regrets that as well. God, never puts anything on us that we can't handle. Do you want a to bring a child in this world and have the possibility that she regrets the child for the rest of its life. What kind of life would that be for the child. Yeah adoption but if she has the baby follower I am sure would take care of it and not give it up for adoption. So maybe, next time you make a reply to someones post just be a little more supportive rather than tell him he should do all these things if she goes thru with it. That is a decision that he has to make and I don't think getting divorced and going to all those extremes that you stated are what he should be doing.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by lauraslife:
<strong>It's a free country. A woman has a right to choose whatever she wants to do with her body and it is her decision. Bible thumpers get off your high horse. You have no right to judge her. It must be a terrible place that she is in to have to make that decision but its her choice to do what she wants. <p>I can't believe these religious types can be so judgemental yet claim they are children of God. <p>Get off her case and stop insinuating she is a killer. You have not walked a mile in her shoes. <p>She can do whatever she feels is best for herself.<p>This post is making me sick [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My three cents and now I will leave. I saw someone mention this post in another forum and they were right. This is terrible. God doesn't judge, yet you who claim to be of God do. Make sense of that. <p>I hope your wife is not swayed by this craziness.
I hope she makes the choice that is best for her and her life. <p>God will be with her regardless what she chooses. Don't listen to these fanatics!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>If she was a single woman then this would be a moot point, but she is not. She is married to a man that holds the strong view that abortion is murder and you say that what he should do is just 'accept' her decision AND stay married to her?<p>I am not a 'religious Bible thumper' by any stretch of the imagination (I am pro-choice). I too beleive that a woman has a right to decide what to do with her own body, but SHE DOES NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO EXPECT THAT HER HUSBAND SHOULD SUPPORT HER DECISION TO DO WHAT HE 'BELEIVES' TO BE MURDER.<p>If a person compromises his/her beleifs to appease others, then he/she is a hipocrite to those beleifs.<p>He too has the right to decide whether he wants to live the rest of his life with someone he beleives to be a murderer.<p>Joe<p>[ April 07, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Just a reminder to all those that accuse others of religious fanaticism.<p>ALL OF US HAVE CHOICES in our lives, not just the pregnant woman who is contemplating to have an abortion or not.<p>NOBODY should be compeled to stay in a M where one partner does something that the other considers evil.<p>To love a spouse does not mean to condone and support every action that he/she takes.<p>And lest we forget, this is MB, what about the policy of joint agreement (POJA)?<p>Joe<p>[ April 07, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Follower,<p>How's it going?<p>-AD

I do agree with what Joe had to say this post makes me sick as well. I just wanted to offer insight as to what happened when I chose to have an abortion. The aftermath was hell for me. I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go thru something like that. I am glad that you are standing behind what she decides, b/c if she realizes sometime there after that it wasn't the best decision or she feels that she made the wrong1 she will need alot of support. I think that you have a pretty good handle on what's going on. Don't let what some of these people have had to say go to heart. If you haven't been in a situation like this before. I do mean directly affected by this exact same circumstance then I really find it hard to believe that some of these people think it is ok to point the finger and say what you are doing is wrong. The old saying Walk a mile in there shoes. We weren't put on this earth to judge people but to try and support them and love them. What we may think is wrong may be right for someone else. WHO ARE WE TO SAY THAT THEY ARE WRONG!!!<p>Love and prayers to both of you,

Hello All,
This is "the day". Sorry to those who have been waiting for a reply from me. It's been tough these past few days for myself and my W. I've been checking my emails and responses from you every day. And I thank all of you who have been generous to lend me your thoughts and comments.<p>I've been trying my hardest to get back to all of you to give you all an update as to whats going on. But at times, I find it difficult to speak my mind - afraid that my words may come out the wrong way. And if they do, in fact, come out the wrong way... I feel in some way attacked by some of you, although it may not be your intent. But again, this forum is for those who need help, and I expected to hear a little of both sides.<p>Anyways, my W's appointment is at 5pm this afternoon. Believe me, I'll be getting ALL my thoughts and words out before this happens. And I'll be on my hands and knees praying that the Lord will touch, and get into, my W's heart. <p>Thank you ALL for caring, and thank you ALL for being there for me when I needed it most.<p>I'll be sure to give you word tomorrow (4/9/02) and let you all know the outcome.<p>In HIS grip,
Follower

Politics aside, I'm sorry. This must be hurting you very deeply. *hugs*

Thanks for the update. Good luck. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] We're here for ya no matter what!<p>May God give you and your wife peace, comfort and wisdom. <p>huggggzzzzzz<p>Faith1

Follower, <p>Just to let you know, I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. It is a very personal decision to make, and as you can tell, people feel quite strongly about it. <p>We are not here to logically convince you or your wife to make ANY decision. That is up to you two. But what are ARE here for is to help you get through it. <p>Personally, I do not believe that abortion is the answer, and I have put my money where my mouth is. I also do not believe that judging people who do have an abortion is the answer either. Look, the fact of the matter is that abortion stops a beating heart. That is a fact. But people make mistakes and horrible choices all the time. Some people choose to have an affair and sleep with someone other than their spouse. Some people choose to abandon their living children in order to get their jollies from their honey. Some people lie, cheat, steal...on and on! <p>Follower, I join you in prayer, all day, every hour, that God will break through the hardness of your wife's heart and give her the courage to stop this abortion. I join you in pleading with God to save the life of your child. I am praying for you every hour that He will give your wife His strength and wisdom. But if your wife's heart is hard and she is determined to make this choice (hey, it wouldn't be the first bad choice that someone has made!), then after I hear that God's answer was "No", then I'll pray that He fill you with His love and compassion and sympathy for a woman who will clearly be hurting and guilty. <p>I know that some here might encourage you to leave your wife, because she is choosing to stop a beating heart. And I'm not saying that staying would be easy. After all, she is making a decision that affects you and the baby, and only taking herself into consideration! This is BOUND to do serious damage to your love bank. But after a person chooses to do a sin, God does not abandon them. Think about it. The person who sins has turned their back on God, but God still faces them and does not turn away. He still hopes for the day that they will return to Him--and when they do return, He is willing to forgive if they are willing to repent. <p>Soooo...first, I will plead for the baby's life. Then, if the answer is "no" I will pray that God work HIS miracle in your heart to have the strength and courage to forgive someone who has done such an aggregious thing. And I will continue to pray for your wife, that she recognize the thing she has done, that she name it and face it, confess it, and come to you (and to God of course) to repent and repair. <p>We ALL make mistakes. This is just a very big mistake. But if God himself would not turn His back on your wife, and HE has every reason to, then it seems out of place that you should. <p>Praying for the life of your child, <p>
CJ

Follower,
I hope my comments were not the ones you mentioned as feeling attacked. I just wanted to make sure you had all the info from all angles and I felt responsible to share my story since I have been there. I am also aware of the tunnel vision that takes over and no one can get through.<p>I would never want to be the kind of friend who only stands by you when you make the decision I think is the best decision, I also don't like it when people try and take my choices away concerning how I live my life. Ultimately, it is your life and your decision.<p>I'm glad that you continue to give us updates. I think everyone cares and it is a deep issue that shouldn't be taken lightly and that is why the heated discussions were flying. It will be a rough road no matter what you decide, keep posting. I am very sad and concerned for you and your wife. My prayers are with you two.

((((Follower))))<p>May the good Lord hold you safely under His wing until the storms have passed.

All.
This is my last post before the trip to the clinic. Please, for those who read this before 5pm PST on Monday, April 8... please pray for us.<p>CJ, Faith, Joe, Laura, Bill, Nduli2, the one, and to all others I might not have mentioned.... thanks for your prayers and support!<p>Love you all
In HIS grip,
JDA

Follower:<p>I deliberately haven't read this thread in a few days, because it was getting so unpleasant. <p>Most important thing, I truly believe, is that you stand by whatever decision your W makes in the end. This decision should ultimately be hers, because it is her body after all. Be there for her. Love her whatever she does. You're here first an foremost to rebuild your M. She'll respect you for respecting and supporting her decision.<p>Good luck to you and your W.

Dear Follower,<p>I also held off on responding to this thread. I guess the final decision has been made by now so one of you is at the point of coming to terms with whatever decision was made. <p>This has been a tough call. I am pro choice but I am also torn at the thought of another making the decision as to whether a child of mine would be born or not. I am so very sorry that you have been put in this position. You must understand that several of us here have had spouses make some very serious decisions that directly affect us without our consent. Things like having affairs and such. So in that sense we do have some common ground. <p>I am posting this now since the event has already been decided. So what comes next? Do you want to save the marriage? Do you think you or your wife can come to accept and forgive? Can you live with the choice that was made and make the best of it? If you want to try and save the marriage although there may be a period of mourning or hard feelings you must aim for acceptance and forgiveness. That is the only way you will be able to save the marriage. <p>Personally I do not feel that abortion is murder I too had one when I was in my early 20`s. I have never regretted it and I now have two beautiful sons whom I adore. At that point in my life I was in no position to become a mother. Okay I will admit that at that time my motives were selfish but since becoming a mother I now fully understand just how much it would have been a fiasco to have had a child at that point in my life. I would have been a horrible Mom. As hard as this is to accept if your wife truely feels in her heart that she does not have what it would take to be a good mom at this point then perhaps she is making the right choice. Every child deserves a loving attentive mother and only your wife knows if she is feeling capable at this point. It would break your heart to have a child who wasn`t loved and wanted by it`s mother. <p>Despite what I have written I am hoping that your wife changes her mind but if she doesn`t I hope you can find it in your heart to understand and forgive her.<p>[ April 08, 2002: Message edited by: Daisy37 ]</p>

Follower?? Are you there?? <p>{{{{{{{{{Follower}}}}}}}}}}<p>Please let us know what happened so we can help and pray.<p>CJ

ALL,<p>Before I start, I want to say "Thank You" for all your prayers, comments, blessings, and help. Please understand, this wasn't easy for my W and myself.<p>As I drove home Monday afternoon to pick up my W, I felt numb and couldn't even pay attention to the road. I nearly got into an accident. I prayed and prayed and prayed till the very last minute. Both the Doctor and I tried to convince her to keep it. But, I knew what decision she had made and knew that regardless to what the Doc and I said... that she would go through with the "A".... and she did! I tried holding it in... but my heart couldn't stand the pain, and gravity took my tears.<p>As I sat in the waiting room, I couldn't help but ask the Lord "Why?". And I'm sure I will keep on asking that question.<p>When the procedure was done, I went to the room and saw my W laying the motionless, numbed by the medication. What got to me was seeing her force words out her mouth. She said "I love you" to me. After 5 minutes tears poured out her eyes as she said, "I didn't want to kill this child, I didn't mean to!". Gosh, I felt as though someone stabbed me in the heart! I didn't know what to think. I didn't believe what my ears just heard!

She slept till the morning after (Tuesday). I had asked her then if she knows what she had said in that room. She said she couldn't remember anything. I told her what she had said, and she started crying again. At that point, I had shut my mouth due to the fact that I may say the wrong things that may pour salt on her wound. <p>With this I ask you...
At a time like this, and in this situation, what are the right things to ask and when is the best time to ask? Has any of you ladies been through this?<p>Some of you ladies said that No Matter What... she'll be living a regret or have this guilt for a long time coming. I think you are all right, and "I" think it hit her quickly after having the procedure done.<p>If any of you know, or might know, what my W may be going through right now... please let me know.<p>Thanks in advance, and again, thank you all for your help and prayers.<p>In HIS grip,
"Follower"

Follower,<p>I'm keeping you in my prayers. At this point, I would suggest that you get counseling for yourself, if you feel you need it. Quiet support is probably the best thing you can do for your wife.