Follower:<p>I'll say what I said before: You're here to rebuild your M, and making your W feel guilty about her decision, whether you do it intentionally or innocently with your "questions" won't help your cause at all. It will be hard for you to accept your loss, but if you want your M, focus on supporting her emotionally about this. The decision has been made and the consequences, both good and bad, will have to be lived with. Make her feel loved, not guilty.

I'm not surprised that an important issue has been missed in all of these posts. Once emotions get involved that's all we can seem to focus on. <p>Are you positive the baby was yours? Did you have a test? It seems to me the most obvious reason for wanting to have an abortion when you are married is if the baby is not your husbands. The separation because "she wasn't sure she was in love with him anymore" to me signals possible affair. Something to be considered anyway. Which is not to say that it would have changed your feelings about what she wanted to do.<p>On another note, I'm not one to judge what is morally right and what is wrong. Last time I checked I was not perfect - therefore not omniscient. None of us are. All we can do is make our own decisions based on what we believe and let others make their own. We live our lives the best we can with what we are given.
That said, I had an abortion when I was 17. I have NEVER regretted that decision. It was right for me at the time. If I had to relive that period in my life I would make the exact same decision. Now that I am married, I would never even consider it. That is what is right for me now. Don't let people convince you that all women regret that choice. We don't. Your wife may, everyone deals with things differently. Support her the best you can. You do have the ability to love someone even if you don't love every choice they make.
It seems to me that a strong point that is in the bible, and a basic tennant of Christianity, (whether or not abortion is wrong is not)is forgiveness. Forgive her, love her, and move on with rebuilding your marriage.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Follower:
<strong>Before I start, I want to say "Thank You" for all your prayers, comments, blessings, and help. Please understand, this wasn't easy for my W and myself. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>You're welcome. We are still praying for you and for your W. <p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> But, I knew what decision she had made and knew that regardless to what the Doc and I said... that she would go through with the "A".... and she did! I tried holding it in... but my heart couldn't stand the pain, and gravity took my tears.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Follower, I am so sorry. You have my deepest sympathy. {{{{{{{{{{Follower}}}}}}}}}} I am not sure how your W may view the abortion, but I know that you look at it as the loss of a child, so it is conceivable that you will deal with this as if it had been a death. Expect to experience the stages of grief: Denial and isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. <p>I might also be appropriate for you to have some sort of memorial service or formal "funeral", because although the child was never born, it is absolutely the death of the hopes and dreams that a father has for his child yet born. This child could have been your son or daughter, smiling up on your, bouncing on your knee, and you ARE going to mourn. You might want to make it formal by doing whatever mourning rites are appropriate to your faith: lighting a candle, saying a prayer, wearing black...whatever. <p>Bear in mind, though, this is to help YOU through YOUR grief process and may not necessarily be what your W needs to do. In fact, she may "act" as if she's fine. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> When the procedure was done, I went to the room and saw my W laying the motionless, numbed by the medication. What got to me was seeing her force words out her mouth. She said "I love you" to me. After 5 minutes tears poured out her eyes as she said, "I didn't want to kill this child, I didn't mean to!". Gosh, I felt as though someone stabbed me in the heart! I didn't know what to think. I didn't believe what my ears just heard! </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Okay, this is going to be a hard one. It would be so easy to go right into blame and anger toward your W right now. She is a mentally capable adult, so she did have SOME knowledge of exactly what she was doing. Furthermore, she didn't think very much of you as she was having the procedure done. HOWEVER, and this "however" is so big I'm going to say it again...HOWEVER, what is done is done now and can not be undone. You get to decide if you want to dwell in the past, and blame her and be angry at her, and make her pay, and punish her...or if you want to live in the here and now. Here and now, you ARE hurt. Here and now, she does need to feel some repentance for taking your child from you. Here and now, she also does need to feel as if there is some way she could save face with you. <p>Look, Follower, this was a horrible decision. Heartbreaking. But when a person makes a poor choice and later realizes that what they have done was harmful, they need to believe there is some way they can redeem themself. There absolutely should be consequences for the devastating choice she made for both of you, but try to offer her the olive branch of saying, "Your decision has harmed me HORRIBLY, but here is how you can save this relationship." Does that make sense? Even God, our Father, offers us undeserving sinners a way back to Him...so take a little while and feel your grief, and think of a way she can get back to you.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> With this I ask you...
At a time like this, and in this situation, what are the right things to ask and when is the best time to ask? Has any of you ladies been through this?<p>Some of you ladies said that No Matter What... she'll be living a regret or have this guilt for a long time coming. I think you are all right, and "I" think it hit her quickly after having the procedure done.<p>If any of you know, or might know, what my W may be going through right now... please let me know.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I have not ever chosen to have an abortion--but to be honest with you, I came close. I was youngish (24yo) and thought selfishly "I'll never be able to have my career" and was so tempted. I even made the appointment! But I thank God every day that He gave me the wisdom to realize that two wrongs don't make a right, but sometimes a wrong followed by a committed right DO make a right. My son is 15yo now, I married his father, and I can honestly say that my son saved my life, because he gave me to maturity that I needed to become an adult. (You "grow up" quickly when you have a baby depending on you.)<p>Anyway, I have been where your W was...feeling like I'm not ready...feeling too young...thinking selfishly of the "things" I would miss out on. I would GUESS that right now she feels like you will never love her again because she made this HORRIBLE mistake. She might also feel like she can never be forgiven. OTOH, she might ACT as if she is just fine and it meant nothing more than a pap smear. Don't fall for that. I would SERIOUSLY bet she needs some reassurance that you won't dump her right now. <p>Follower, once again, I turn to God as our example. You and I, and everyone here, has made mistakes in our lives--some name that sin--and as people who are not perfect, we do not have ANY right to be with God. Yet, He wants us to be with Him even though we DO NOT DESERVE IT IN ANY WAY. Out of His graciousness and loving kindness, He has offered us a way when we do not deserve it. What a wonderful example of God's love you could be to your W right now if you offer her a way back to the marriage EVEN THOUGH SHE DOES NOT DESERVE IT. <p>This won't be easy, I know. So if you need us, we're here. I will light a candle for your child (24 hour memorial candle) and pray the mourner's prayer for you. {{{{{{{{{{Follower}}}}}}}}}}<p>
CJ<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: FaithfulWife ]</p>

On another note, what on earth kind of abortion did your wife have? Recovery room? Numbed by medication? Forcing words out?
The abortion I had was done with a local and I was completely cognizant the entire time. I was left alone for about 20 min. to relax and get redressed, then an exit interview which took about 30 min. then I was out at the mall with a friend shopping. No after effects - back at school like nothing had happened the next day.
How pregnant was she?

As a couple of posters have said previously your w will not necessarily be living with regret and guilt for a long time. Every individual is different and every situation is different. What your wife DOES NOT DESERVE is for you to come off with some holier than thou attitude. To hold this over her head and make her feel like SHE DOES NOT DESERVE to be married to you because you are such a moral person and she is such scum.<p>I too had an abortion back in my 20s and my feelings are the same as DAISY37 and sweetjanes. Just try to be supportive and try to avoid being judgementa.

In case you mised it before...<p>I pray for continued healing for you and your W. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
It is now that your child can I pray for you and your W. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You'll need this too...<p>There are many resources for those who suffer from abortion. Call 1-800-5-WE-CARE, the National Office of Post-abortion Reconciliation and Healing (please call or check out thier site)<p>Check out the ministry of <a href="http://www.rachelsvineyard.org" target="_blank">Rachel's
Vineyard</a>... and "Vine and Branches", the monthly E-newsletter of Rachel's Vineyard.<p>The idea that abortion solves problems is a deception and illusion. The reality is that it solves nothing and brings a host of problems of its own.<p>Through the links below you'll have an ever-increasing understanding of some of those problems, and some of the help available to bring hope and healing.<p>Nobody knows exactly how many women suffer the after-effects of abortion. What is clear, however, is that the more one searches, the more one finds. More research is necessary in order to bring the public the most reliable information on this critical issue of women's health.<p>Some complications of abortion flow from the inherent dangers of the procedure itself. Others come from the carelessness and callousness with which it is carried out. Some women never survive a legal abortion.<p>If all the abortions in our world stopped tomorrow, the task of healing will have only begun, and will go one for decades.<p>See the website of the Elliott Institute, which provides research and testimonies on the aftereffects of abortion and explores various psychological and physical complications. Likewise, read an interview conducted with
Dr. David Reardon. With his permission, he makes available the monthly newsletter of the Elliott Institute, which provides the latest reports on ground-breaking research about the negative effects of abortion.<p>Other sites which speak of the connection between abortion and breast cancer, including that of Dr. Joel Brind. <p>Also, read about the potential legal liability of abortion providers who do not inform women about the prospect of increased risk for breast cancer following an induced abortion:www.johnkindley.com.<p><a href="http://www.priestsforlife.org/columns/columns2001/01-12-03forbiddengrief.htm" target="_blank">Forbidden
Grief</a><p>The Rachel's Vineyard website contains a schedule of retreats for Post-Abortion individuals<p>Finding Hope After Abortion<p>Abortion, A Choice Against Women<p>A Brief Summary of Post-Abortion Distress<p>Testimonies of Women who have had Abortions<p>Testimonies of Men who have had Abortions<p> "Her Choice" Post-Abortion Awareness Campaign<p>Repentance and God's Forgiveness after Abortion<p>Inspiringly... visit the website of the National Memorial for the Unborn. The National Memorial for the Unborn, in Chattanooga, Tennessee, used to be an abortion facility. Now it is dedicated to the memory of those who have been killed by abortion. Moms, Dads, and other family members of aborted babies can contact the memorial and have a plaque put up on the wall there, with an inscription in honor of the child.<p>A similar shrine now also exists at the Church of the Holy Innocents, 128 West 37th Street, in New York City. This Shrine of the Holy Innocents, at which names of aborted children may be enrolled, is a simple but remarkable haven of comfort in the midst of a city filled with abortion chambers.<p>Former Abortion Providers<p>Survivors of Abortion<p>and last but not least... Blackmun Wall.<p>Let the Divine Mercy be yours, your W's, and your lost child's. Help you W heal.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

I went through a very good/emotionally healing BibleStudy called "The Oil of Joy" that focuses on healing from Post Abortion Distress. You can get more info here: <p>Women's Pregnancy Center
8300 Bissonnet Suite #160 / Houston, TX 77074
Karen Vannaman, Executive Director 713.774.0126<p>I'm sorry for your loss. I know this will be hard for both of you. You two can work through this together. As with any problem in marriage open communication will help. Pushing things under the rug and resolving just to not talk about will not help. <p>Her actions/words in the recovery room are VERY normal. That is what mine was like too. Make sure she goes for her follow up visit. <p>I'm so sorry for you and your wifes pain.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Follower}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I didn't want to read this thread because I am for life..and it hurts to think that someone is wanting to kill an unborn child..I had a miscarriage about 7 years ago..I'd never considered abortion as an option but I really wasn't prepared to bring a 4th child into an already rocky marriage..So I do in some ways understand your delema..<p>I guess the one thing that really stuck out to me in this post from some who are saying..it's her body--she can do what she wants to with it
I tend to wonder why you don't take the same view towards the affair of your spouse? <p>It's their body they can do what they want to with it!! why wouldn't that be the same thing??<p>I mean..the affair in the same sense effected you and your family as this choice of Followers wife will effect his family..yes, it's her body..but shouldn't she also look at how it will effect everyone else involved?? Just as you wish your spouses did before they had affairs???<p>It may not be the same type of betrayal but it would still be a betrayal..<p>This man loves his wife and doesn't want her to do anything that may cause her or him undo harm now or in the future..just as you want for your spouses and yourselves..<p>
Follower, I am so sorry you had to go through this..one way you can support yuor wife is as some have said is do a memorial..there is a place you can actually have a memorial stone done, you can give the child a name and they will place the stone in a memory building for others to visit..<p>You can also let her know how sorry you feel that she felt this was the only option she had..and that you wish it could have been a better time in your marriage and that this could have been a joyous occassion for you both.. and most importantly that you love her very much..and that no matter what..you'll always love her..and give her lots and lots of hugs..<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</p>

Follower:<p>Though I know that FW and NSR mean very well for both of you, you should be careful of following advice that appears, intentionally or otherwise, to villify your W for her decision. If you want your M, you will come to grips with the outcome of her decision in an IC environment BEFORE you talk about your pain with your W. That's just my opinion, I'm no professional and I am not religious. Your W does deserve to be loved by you, particularly if you wish to stay married. If you feel that your W should feel guilty for her decision NOW (in particular) you probably really don't want this M and should end it and your and your W's suffering as soon as possible.<p>Love her!

TR:
"I guess the one thing that really stuck out to me in this post from some who are saying..it's her body--she can do what she wants to with it
I tend to wonder why you don't take the same view towards the affair of your spouse? <p>"It's their body they can do what they want to with it!! why wouldn't that be the same thing??"<p>Hm. Actually, fundamentally, I think this is true to a degree. When we're trying to Plan A and end our S's A, we are acknowledging that it needs to be their decision to end the A - we can't make them do it because we think they should. If they decide to end it themselves, then the M has a much better chance of recovering. Other issues arise, though, like STDs that don't have exact parallels in the case of abortion, that may make the answers somewhat different in the two examples.<p>"I mean..the affair in the same sense effected you and your family as this choice of Followers wife will effect his family..yes, it's her body..but shouldn't she also look at how it will effect everyone else involved?? Just as you wish your spouses did before they had affairs???"<p>I agree with this as well. The primary difference here is that Follower knew what his W was doing, and was involved in the decision process. Maybe not to the degree he would have liked, or to his satisfaction (I don't know enough of the details), but involved nonetheless. BS's aren't given the chance to decide or offer anything about how their S's As are going to effect their lives, because the WSs are keeping it secret. Even when they do find out about it, they have to be careful with the WS's decision making process if they truly want to rebuild their fragile Ms.<p>For what it's worth, I'm an atheist, but I would prefer "life" to abortion if I were faced with such a choice in my life, but I'm definitely pro-choice when it comes to a woman's decision regarding an "unwanted" pregnancy, whatever the reasons for it being unwanted.<p>Hang in there Follower. And again, love your W for who she is, not for what she has or hasn't done.

This idea...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>"The primary difference here is that Follower knew what his W was doing, and was involved in the decision process. Maybe not to the degree he would have liked, or to his satisfaction (I don't know enough of the details), but involved nonetheless."<hr></blockquote><p>Goes against the very MB principle of Plan A!<p>A BS(faithful spouse) "knows" what is happening in Plan A... that is why they are in Plan to begin with...<p>BUT...<p>...to claim there was any contribution by the FS to the "decision process" of the WW... is as true as saying that a WS continued contact with the OP... is part of the "decision process" the FS agreed to! ... or that the FS approves of the infidelity/affair/pa...!!!<p>NOT!<p>Plan A... is to be a better person...
...not a judgmental person...
...but one who can judge 'good' actions from 'bad' actions!
...that's what makes you a better person!<p>(NOTICE... I didn't say 'good' people from 'bad' people)<p>Follower's W may or may not need healing...
...it depends on her conscience.<p>Follower... needs healing...
...for he had NO choice... in an the consequences of his W's "unwanted" life.<p>To chastise the advice given...
...and berate the intent... was unwarranted.<p>Prayers to you, Follower... your W... and your child (not lost... for you know where he/she is)<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Follower--<p>I am so sorry. I hope that you and your wife will be able to lovingly help each other heal through this very difficult time. <p>Sending up prayers....<p>Kathi

Jim as well intentioned as you meant what you wrote right now is not the time for it. The anti-abortion stuff can wait until another day. It's done. I'm sorry I know you will get angry and admonish me for saying so but all of those suggestions will be harmful to both H and W, right now so close after the event. It's still a raw open wound, they do not need to have acid poured on top of it right now. This is not rhetorical to them, this is pain and they will be able to find those reasources on their own if needed.<p> Follower, right now, today and for the next few days just breathe. Come down. Both of you need time now to reflect on what just happened. A very life changing and profound event. Right now is not the time for debate or burrowing into each other's heads. Breathe for a little while, let your emotions come down to a dull roar and let your W have space to calm down.<p> I am truly sorry it ended this way, I too was hoping she would change her mind. If you want to retain your marriage you need to be an ear for her and a shoulder to cry on. You need not pound it into her head about her decision, she knows what it meant and she needs to come to terms with it on her own. <p> It is really a shame but you both have turned a very large corner. Allow yourselves the time to reflect on it. Don't push right now, just be there if you can be.<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: Nduli2 ]</p>

Jim/NSR:
"This idea...<p>quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The primary difference here is that Follower knew what his W was doing, and was involved in the decision process. Maybe not to the degree he would have liked, or to his satisfaction (I don't know enough of the details), but involved nonetheless."
------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Goes against the very MB principle of Plan A!"<p>Huh? That quote was about Follower's situation, not about As.<p>"...to claim there was any contribution by the FS to the "decision process" of the WW... is as true as saying that a WS continued contact with the OP... is part of the "decision process" the FS agreed to! ... or that the FS approves of the infidelity/affair/pa...!!!"<p>Did I claim anything of the sort? I don't think so.<p>"Plan A... is to be a better person..."<p>Yep.<p>"...not a judgmental person..."<p>Correct.<p>"...but one who can judge 'good' actions from 'bad' actions!"<p>"distinguish" would be my choice of term, rather than "judge", but correct.<p>"...that's what makes you a better person!"<p>Yep.<p>"(NOTICE... I didn't say 'good' people from 'bad' people)"<p>Good.<p>"Follower's W may or may not need healing...
...it depends on her conscience."<p>Yes. We don't know as much about her as we do about Follower, and we know little enough about him.<p>"Follower... needs healing...
...for he had NO choice... in an the consequences of his W's "unwanted" life."<p>I don't agree, but because the outcome could only have been 'either/or', it could look that way to some. They clearly communicated, by what Follower posted. Maybe we'll never fully know his W's "take" on how that went. NOW, it doesn't matter as much as the healing for Follower and their M (if that's important to them).<p>"To chastise the advice given..."<p>I didn't.<p>"...and berate the intent..."<p>I didn't. Re-read my post. It's all to easy to overinterpret written posts from us. I recognize that Follower has religious beliefs that are more in line with yours, and was careful to point out that I'm (no longer) religious. He doesn't have to take my "advice" any more than he does yours. In fact, I've always felt that the best advice I can give, as a non-professional, is to never take advice from non-professionals. Even professionals should not be rigidly followed. Take their advice and apply it or modify it to suit your own situation. I believe that I was simply urging caution here. I don't feel that I was berating anybody. You'd really KNOW if I was doing that. I won't. <p>Take care, everybody. I'll bow out of this discussion now, as it seems like my input isn't welcome.<p>Good luck to you and your W, Follower. You sound like a loving, caring H with high moral fiber. I wish you both very well in the rough times ahead.

Follower...<p>...the "links" I gave you are for healing...
...your's and your W's.<p>They are not just Pro-Life...
...they are Pro-Healing...<p>...National Office of Post-abortion Reconciliation and Healing
...Rachel's Vineyard
...the connection between abortion and breast cancer (one more thing healing may have to address)
...Grief
...Finding Hope After Abortion
...A Brief Summary of Post-Abortion Distress
...Testimonies of Men who have had Abortions (for your healing by understanding other's stories)
...Repentance and God's Forgiveness after Abortion (for you and your W)<p>...{{{{{healing}}}}}<p>Do check them out...
...and I do pray for your healing...
...and your W's too!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Please!<p>Do not turn this thread into a debate! This is neither the time nor the place to debate about abortion or MB principals or any of that.<p>This man just lost a child, AND was hurt by the actions of his wife.<p>BTW, WHOA!!! BIG WHOA!!!<p>I want to make it perfectly clear what I was saying here. I was in no way, shape or form suggesting that Follower make his W feel guilty about the abortion. Nor, am I saying that his W will feel guilty or should feel guilty about the abortion. From everything I can see, she thinks it was a wise decision, and I am not even here to speak to that. <p>Nope. The HORRIBLE, HEARTBREAKING decision that I was talking about was following through with a decision that met HER needs at the expense of her husband's. I was talking about how she would feel guilty and sorrowful over hurting her husband so badly. Hey, what loving wife could look at her crying husband and not feel some guilt that she made him cry? In this instance, she made a life changing decision by ignoring his wishes. POJA was not only ignored, it was shot out of the water!!!! <p>So, I advised Follower (and am advising him now) that what's done is done and can not be undone. Now he has the choice of living in the past and punishing her and blaming her -OR- living in the present. She will need to live with the consequences of her decision, and one of the consequences is that she made a major blow to their love relationship. <p>Look. She must know that she has hurt her husband horribly, and my guess is that she might feel like he may no longer be able to love her because of her decision. She must know that this put a chink in their relationship, and my guess is that she feels guilty for hurting him. VERY guilty. "How could I have done this to my husband?" guilty. <p>So, please do not assume I meant she would feel anything about the abortion. She may act like it meant nothing--and from every indication, she considers it as a pap smear, like I said. However, she knows it meant more than that to Follower. She knows that she made a major marital decision that met HER needs at the expense of harming HIM. <p>She needs a way back from THAT. He needs to feel and express the grief he is going to feel, but she needs to have some way to redeem herself to HIM. For example, I bet she feels very sad that she hurt him so...but how could he ever love her again? He (Follower, that's you) needs to show her that he can forgive her (for hurting him) and here's what she can do to get back into a relationship with him. <p>Does that make sense? Any questions? There will be a quiz later!<p>
CJ

FW:<p>"Do not turn this thread into a debate! This is neither the time nor the place to debate about abortion or MB principals or any of that."<p>Agreed. Now I'll go away again! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I suggest that whatever follower decides to do with his M, that we should honor his decision (despite our strong beleifs on the matter of abortion) and pray that God gives peace of mind to both him and his W.<p>Joe<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Follower:<p>Been there done that. I can take you step by step of what I went thru even the whole procedure. It may help if you know exactly what happened to her. I don't want to just blurt it out without you wanting to know b/c it may upset you. I can give you insight as to how she is probably feeling. Just let me know.<p>snowbunny21_tx@yahoo.com<p>Just shoot me an email and I wouldn't feel like blurting it out in the post b/c I don't want to offend any ppl.

I commend you for encouraging your wife to continue her pregnancy. <p>I've read alot of the posts here and none of them surprise me. There is only one thing I'd like to add...<p>I had an abortion when I was 19 and I have NEVER regretted it. I regret that we live in a world where women are expected to shoulder all or most of the responsibility for birth control. I'm sad that women inordinately pay the highest price for choosing to have children--whether they are married or not. I'm sad that our work culture is situated such that most women are forced to be inordinately dependent upon a man in order to have a family. The vast majority of those in poverty are women with children. <p>Whether your wife has an abortion or gives it up for adoption is irrelevant. She will face condemnation either way. If she decides to have the baby, she will be condemned if she lets you care for it in the case of a divorce. She would have to provide child support in any case. If she keeps it, she will have a much harder time juggling work and family than you will and will have a much harder time finding another mate than you will. So, it was all well and good for you to want her to keep the child and very commendable on your part. It was all well and good for some of these people to encourage her to keep it. Doesn't change a thing from her perspective. <p>Abortion will always be an option until people change biology or create a work culture in which women can reliably support themselves AND have a family.<p>I posted this hoping that follower might understand what may be going through his wife's thoughts. <p>I'm not sure what to tell them about healing from this as a couple. I don't see any way they could have POJA'd this. He can't have a baby for her. To imply that she did something wrong because his feelings are hurt are incorrect. To imply that she must redeem herself to him because she made a different choice than he would is also incorrect. The only situation where she could be held at fault is if they both agreed prior to her becoming pregnant that she would not have an abortion, or that having a strict anti-abortion viewpoint was a condition for him to marry her. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I haven't read where they had such an agreement prior to this event.<p>[ April 12, 2002: Message edited by: TheStudent ]</p>