How can I get my husband to realize that I can't do everything (i.e. work, take care of our son, the house, the bills, etc . . .)? Everytime I bring it up he tells me I have an attitude and won't discuss it with me because he does not want to argue. Also, financially we've been struggling since our son was born. I worked a 2nd job for a little while, until he got one. After we returned from vacation last year he told me that his supervisor at his 2nd job said they needed to cut back on hours and that they'd call him when they needed him. As it turns out this was a lie, he quit and didn't tell me. Now, when we've both started looking for a 2nd job, again, he's got it in his head that he wants to work security and nothing else. He said he knows what he wants to do and that's that. I've tried to get him to realize that sometimes we have to do things we don't really want to do but if we want to get ahead we have to make sacrafices. But again, if it's not what he wants to do then that's that. I don't know how to get him to realize by one of us getting a 2nd job we're not just doing it to get ahead for ourselves but for our son. I hope this isn't too confusing and makes sense. This is my first time posting.<P>Thanks,<BR>Alexandra

Alexandra,<P>I want to offer you some advice, but I do not want to imply that you have done something wrong, but only that you could perhaps do something different. You are the one here seeking advice, so my suggestion is directed to those things that you can do to make things different. If your husband was here, my comments would be directed to him. The purpose of this introduction is to assure you that I do not intend to imply that what your husband is doing is right. <P>I believe that what you should do is to accept his decision to work at only one job for the time being. Your family probably does need the extra income, so since your husband is not willing to work another job, the obvious solution is for you to work another job. I am very aware that this will take time away from your time with your child. There are other reasons that I think that this is the right course of action. <P>First, people in general, and men in particular, tend to resist those things that they are pressured to do. As you put pressure on your husband to work another job, he now has two reasons to resist, first that he does not want to, and second, he is showing you that he does not have to do what you tell him. <P>Next, men especially, like to see themselves in the role of rescuer. Just as little girls sometimes see themselves as the princess, little boys sometimes see themselves as the prince. I think that if your husband sees you working two jobs WITHOUT BLAMING OR ATTACKING HIM, he will eventually want you to stop and he will take up the slack. <P>The most important part of this strategy is to do this without complaining or blaming him for the situation. If he sees you tired but keeping a good attitude, I think that his rescue response will be triggered. I know that this is easy to suggest, but hard to implement, but I think that this may be the best strategy. <P>If this does work and your husband does get a second job, the way to make him continue is to keep an attitude of appreciation for what he has done. Nothing keeps a husband doing what his wife wants like her appreciation. <P>I certainly don't claim to be perfect and do not have the perfect marriage, but this is my suggestion. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

Thank you for the advice. What you've suggested is exactly what I'm planning to do. I really try not to nag him about it, but whenever I bring up our financial situation he refuses to talk about it. His reasons are 1) I get an attitude with him and 2) he doesn't like to argue so therefore the subject is closed end of discussion. When I try to talk to him about it, I'm not trying to start an arguement and if I seem to have an attitude it's just that I'm so frustrated and don't know how to put into the right words exactly what I'm feeling. I think part of my frustration is he's always talking about the things he wants. For instance he wants a computer, he wants a new truck for work, he wants this that or the other. I've tried to tell him that for us to get what we want we have to work hard to get these things. But it just doesn't sink in. Anyway, thanks again for the advice and wish me luck in finding a job right away.<P>Alexandra

Alexandria,<P>IsIt2Late has given you great advice and I'm encouraged that you are determined to follow it. May I make an additional suggestion. If you have not already done so you should read the information on this web site about "Love Busting" and how to avoid it. You will find Love Busting under basic concepts on the home page here. The information will help you be a better communicator and will help you avoid sounding like you have an "attitude" when you try to talk to your H. I will be praying that your H rescuing instinct kicks in quickly.<P>God Bless!