true nellie, there can be actual medical reasons that affect judgement, such as depression, anxiety, etc.... didn't mean to imply all marital disharmony is simply behavioural incompatibilities. But that would then be the answer given if one wanted to be forthright.

well jo, another great thread.<p>hope you're doing well hon...i think about you often.<p>most people that i've known a long time know very well why i got divorced...the few bozo's that have asked me have gotten this reply:
"let me give you his phone number and you can ask him."<p>i also think we should look at the threads we have seen here about what the ws's say during fogesse and use the most ridiculous thing they said to us as our reason.<p>mine would be: "because he'll be dead in twelve years and needs to see if he can find his great love before he dies" (he was convinced he'd die at 60 like his dad)<p>allison

OK, following allison's lead:<p>"My wife was forced to divorce me because I didn't want to divorce her."<p>WAT

Allison!!!<p>Hey Girlie ... yanno, I got your voicemail a while back, didn't know if you wanted me to call you back or not. Thought perhaps you just wanted to leave the info you left.<p>How are you???? Lora and I were talking about you last night. We were out to dinner. <p>I hope you and the kids are doing good.<p>Okay, I'll play too with using WS-Fogese when answering the "Why are you Divorced question".<p>How's this?<p>Them: "Why are you divorced?"<p>Me: "Because People can only keep a Promise for so long, everyone knows that."<p>Doh!<p>And Dave, I loved yours!<p>Love to you Allison ...<p>Jo<p>[ April 03, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Well, okay, I'll jump and offer an answer from the other side. I am the (former) WS. I would love to be able to continue to be married to my husband, but we've tried to put it back together for the last two years and it's just not working, and I can't keep trying. There are so many reasons why our marriage is not a good partnership for either of us. He doesn't seem able to move forward in his life, he's depressed, repressed and stuck. I can't move forward when I'm with him, I feel dragged back into the status quo. I am no longer able to affect him positively. Instead he seems only able to affect me negatively. He has been withdrawn physically and emotionally from me for years. I've tried. I need to save myself. Marriage was never meant to be a martyrdom.<p>I am not divorced, not yet anyway. Haven't even started any paperwork, but I know we're headed in that direction. If in the future I am asked "Why did you get divorced?", I would simply say "For so many reasons".

Ava... you say something interesting... <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I am no longer able to affect him positively. Instead he seems only able to affect me negatively. He has been withdrawn physically and emotionally from me for years. I've tried. I need to save myself. Marriage was never meant to be a martyrdom.<hr></blockquote><p>I'm beginning to feel like that too...<p>As for the excuses, I like the "Would you like his telephone number to ask him?" Tho, that also is filled with cynical blame... and says more about me than it does the situation...<p>SNL, just because someone is light hearted about it... doesn't mean they didn't get it. It's the audience they're with and how they choose to answer... we can be active or reactive. Choosing humor is a way of demonstrating coping skills.<p>Ciao,
Nicole

I know what you mean nicole, I did consider that aspect, but I decided IMO the issue is not one that should be kidded about, leastwise unless both parties realize one is kidding while trying to cope....I guess does mean the audience matters...but I would have to know someone very very well, to kid about such a thing myself.

Hi everyone....I am new here, but my answer to this question is...." beacuse my ex liked married women....just not the one he married" [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I change my answers to fit the person asking...<p>1. Never divorced or never married person gets this answer...<p>"If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't be divorced"<p>2. Guys on early dates--and maybe forever depending on their personality...<p>"I think you'd get a better answer from my ex-husband. His name is ___and I think he lives in ___". I don't think that is cynical. It leaves the impression that I have nothing to hide, if said in the right way. That is usually enough to end these kinds of questions. <p>3. "I cheated, I confessed, and he couldn't forgive me". Not the whole story (my ex cheated too, was abusive, blah, blah, but who cares?). However, this is amazingly effective in getting others to confess THEIR worst sins... Which are usually much worse than mine. Leaves the impression that I'm honest and responsible. Only offered to men I'm not particularly interested in. <p>4. "He decided he wanted someone different than me". Probably the closest to the real truth. Says alot without saying much. Makes it clear that he divorced me, leaves the impression that he left for someone else (real or imagined)--which he did, and doesn't really bash anyone. My favorite. The answer given to people I like. <p>5. Or...if I'm feeling feisty, I tell them all the nasty things he said about me..."We got a divorce because, according to him, I'm a slut and a mutilation and I should kill myself. After being together for 8 years, he "remembered" that he never trusted me from the beginning and that there are other women he'd rather f**k." Hey, that's what he said! I can laugh as I say his words now. It sounds so petty.<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: TheStudent ]</p>

Hey Stu,<p>I'm guessing that #5 might cause a momentary lull in the conversation... [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: K ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TheStudent:
<strong>.."We got a divorce because, according to him, I'm a slut </strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Don't suppose I could interest you in a date, could I?<p>Sorry, just feelin a fiesty myself.<p>Reason #405<p>Me: My wife enjoyed sleeping too much
Them: <Puzzled look on their face>
Me: Oh, did I forget to mention it was in another married man's bed...

K,<p>Well... just one of myriad ways I try to have fun with this divorce thing. Or as Billy Wilder used to say "Everything is hopeless, but nothing is serious". <p>Losthusband,
After reading your post, I was under the impression you've already been with a slut...Sorry, you'll have to wait in line for this one. Appears there is high demand for divorced sluts who are getting a PhD and have no children. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

"'cause she wanted somebody else"<p>And in the final analysis, that's why almost all of us are divorced.

(((((Nick)))) <p>Long time, no see! How are you doing? If I throw another hottub party, will you come? Since you abandoned the kingdom as it's chief knight, we have had to solicit for other knights. You are invited to join us any time.<p>Now, back to the pressing matter of what to tell other people...<p>I really do use the line about being fired or the management restructuring. But usually that is with people who are being nosey or who have not yet shown that they need to hear the truth.<p>"As he told it to me, he decided he was no longer happy. He found had multiple emotional affairs and met someone with whom he thought he could be happy and he felt sorry for her because she was divorced, had two small children, had no one to help her, and he felt sorry for her. It didn't matter that he was putting me and our children in that same situation. He felt that he had to take this chance at happiness. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] And I do roll my eyes.<p>However, the truth is that he was unhappy with some aspect of himself and he found it easier to pin all his anger and unhappiness on me. As an ADD adult, I could not meet his expectations - could not be his mother. While I chose to look at myself in the mirror and find my contributions to the end of the marriage, I don't think he has ever gotten a mirror much less looked in it.<p>But, I usually have to know that you are entitled to that explanation.