HI,<p>I really need to hear from anyone that has gone through a divorce. My husband has gone back and forth. He said at the beginning of all of this that he would go for a disillusion if that was what I wanted. The separation was a long time coming, and nothing was changing, and he was not telling the whole truth in counciling, and that made my final decision for me that enough was enough, I wanted a disillusion.<p>Now he is not sure if he will sign the separation agreement that said neither would get spousal support. He said his friend, who is his lawyer said he could get alimony from me because I make more. He wants $1000 a month. We have no children, no property, and he saved money for school, while I paid the bills. He wants to go for abandonment and neglect on my part because of sexual problems we had as well as him moving out of the house when WE agreed to separate. Now he says I kicked him out. He wants to use letters I wrote him to try to get my feelings out against me, and says he has 15 witnesses that can support me being mentally cruel to him.<p>When he is confronting me with this, I am so flustered that I do not defend myself the right way. He is twisting all the facts around. He was the first one to go after this legally and ask for this separation agreement, now he does not agree with it. I make over $35k. I have barely any savings and agreed to take on the credit card bills. He makes around $25k and has saved considerably over the marriage, because he never used it for school. <p>My question is, am I right in thinking he is just trying to bullly me. I just don't want to pay for extra costs for a lawyer (I just pay for one when I need advice to double check paper work) if we can just do this as a disillusion!

Hi LJEM - rules vary by state, but many of them use a formula where the spouse with less income gets a percentage of the difference. In your case, that sounds like some percentage of $10K/12 per month. In PA, the spouse would get 40% of that difference if there no kids, and 30% if there are kids. The percentage is lower with kids, because the spouse would also be getting child support.<p>So I figure $333.33 per month in the worst case (for you).<p>I doubt that he gets any traction with his 15 witnesses and the other crap. Since he moved out voluntarily, it may be questionable that he's entitled to any spousal support. The difference in incomes is not that great, and it's hardly worth it for him to pursue this in court.<p>Well, I'm not a lawyer and you probably don't live in PA. But I think more and more states are using a similar formula. So don't let him browbeat you. You can probably search the net for the rules in your state, before going to a lawyer.<p>Again, in PA, he would have to file for support and have you served with papers. At that point, you should get a lawyer but probably not before. If you end up in court, you could bring up the debts, savings, and other stuff.<p>Yes, he's trying to bully you. $1000 per month is ridiculous. It would reverse your relative incomes. Some people have funny ideas.<p>- Tom

I know in Florida..Spousal Support isn't a given..
depends on the length of the marriage..and many other things..and even then..it's not a guarantee that it will be granted..<p>Don't know what your h was like throughout the marriage was he controlling in other things as well? if so, I'd get a lawyer..to protect myself..<p>If he's working..and you have all the bill's I doubt that he would be able to get spousal support..especialy if he has any savings..<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</p>

ljem,<p>You REALLY should consult a lawyer. The money will be well spent.<p>ANNA

Don't you cave into his demands! He'd never get that. In fact, it's very likely he'd get nothing. What State are you in?? In Minnesota if a spouse is educated and either working or capable of working they would not get spousal no matter what the difference is in your salaries. Especially if it's a marriage under 10 years. Let him tell you all about letters he has or what he'll "claim" you did. A Judge has a full day ahead of him or her and the last thing that they will tolerate is mudd tossing. Are you in a no fault state? I know a web site called divorcenet.com lists specifics on states and you'll get more info there. Good luck and remember to stand up for yourself!

BonnieSept, thank you for the information. That website is better than others I've found! I'm from MN. Would you take a look at my post on calculating spousal maintenance? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!