I will try to keep this as short as possile, but I'm not promising anything...lol. I'll just try to give a really condensed version here but I would like to know what you all think the chances are of my husband and I making it. Were giving all we've got, and ultimately what we think and feel is what matters most. But I would still like to hear your opinions.<p>
We've been married for 10 years next month and together for 11. About 2 years in to my marriage he confessed that he had cheated on me before we were married. I didnt leave him and I wanted to work things through. About a year later, he said he wasnt ready to be married, etc and wanted a divorce. I said if thats what you want I wont stand in your way. We were apart for 2 weeks and got back together. About a year later we had our second child. We got in lots of fights, mostly over his lies. He cant lie well at all and always gets caught in them. Most of the lies where about how much money was taken out with the ATM things like that. He developed a very bad temper as time went on. Mentally and emotionally my kids and myself were taking the brunt of things and walking on eggshells all the time. I thought about leaving him all the time but never did cause I had this firm belief that eventually things would get better. Six years in to the marriage I ended up having an affair with a married man. I ended things with him after a few months and then I found out I was pregnant. Of course, which one is the father was the burning question. I figured everything happens for a reason, so no matter who the father was, this child was meant to be. And I would deal with whatever happened when she was born. This is when I began building what I call my 'fortress' around my hubby and my kids. About a week after I had my daughter, the man I had the affair with ended up telling his wife about our affair and about the possibility that the child was his. I talked to him only one time after she was born and told him 'it worked out how I had hoped' and left it at that. He eventually got back together with his wife and they are still together to this day and have worked very hard to repair their marriage. I however, continued to live my marriage in the lie of what all had happened and was doing everything I could to protect and prevent my husband from ever finding out. Things continued on a roller coaster pattern with the two of us for a while. He never spent any time with us, and when he did he was yelling, and all the while I am holding this huge secret. So last May I left him. We have been seperated since then. This past Feb I filed for divorce. He has been going to counseling. In our conversations he has apologised to me for the things he did that he shouldnt have and for the things he should have done but never did. He even thanked me for helping him to see himself, even if he didnt want too, cause he discovered he didnt like who he had become and is working very hard on making changes for himself to be the person he wants to be. Because of his honesty with me, and his ability to see things in a much clearer light, I finally laid ALL my cards on the table and I told him the truth about the affair and the truth about our daughter and not being sure of the paternity. He as accepted what happened, and says even if she is not his daughter by blood, she will always be his little girl. Nothing can change that. And even in knowing about the affair and the whole situation, that has not changed how he feels towards me. I was the one that wanted the divorce, not him. All he has said repeatedly is that he doesnt want one and he wants to be able to start things over, and start it all fresh, with everything out and on the table, so we can put all of these things in the past where they belong and learn to go on. I have put the divorce on hold. It was going to be final this month. I didnt really want the divorce, but I couldnt go on with things as they were and the way he treated me and the kids. And I couldnt deal with the guilt I carried. He never wanted it over, but could never see the hurtful things he was doing. He sees those things now (thanks to some great counseling), and the guilt I carried, now that I have told him, is like having a weight being lifted off my shoulders. We are doing all we can to put the past in the past. Yes, there are still parts of the past that when thought about too long, cause pain today. But when those things happen, we talk about it and explain what we feel, be it anger or hurt or whatever. We validate what each of us feels and we deal with it together. It's not easy going by any means, but it feels really good to both of us and it feels like every day we make a little more progress. And I think one of the most important things that we have now that we didnt have then, besides the honesty, is friendship. Were actually truly friends, and thats something we havent been for a long time. Neither of us ever wants things to go back to how they were. We only want to move forward and deal with the things we have to, good and bad, so that we can go on together and grow stronger. Were giving ourselves a year to see how things are going then. If things are still improving, we are not going to get the divorce and instead we will get our vows renewed. Part of the fresh start of US. We do love each other. There is no question about that. Right now it's all about the work we have to put in to this, to deal with the pain of the past, so that the past can become truely the past. So what do YOU think the odds are, that a year from now, we will be renewing our vows instead of ending our marriage?? Just curious as to what your opinions are...

It sounds to me like you have a great chance. Both of you had and are in counseling. It sounds like all secrets are out in the open and that both of you want the marriage to work.<p>Its when one of you doesn't want to do the work that you end up like a lot of us here, divorced.<p>Best wishes and God Bless.

It looks very promising considering all the things that have happened in the period of time.<p>While I agree with the premise of your sig.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>The true measure of a man is not how MANY woman he can be with in a lifetime, rather, if he can be with ONE woman FOR a lifetime.... <hr></blockquote><p>In today's world, the same thing can be said about women, since female infidelity has risen faster than male infidelity and in certain age groups has even matched it.<p>Joe

I wish I was in your shoes [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>'nuff said

What are your chances? What do you want them to be? If you both are willing, it is 100%!<p>Sure it will take some work, but why not inject just as much fun and fivolity into the situation?<p>I think people get all caught up in the work and the angst, and they totally forget about the fun and frivolity.

Hey Joe - Is the sig better now? LOL! It covers it all now I think.....