Hi friends,

Some of you know I had a hysterectomy a couple of weeks ago........came through okay, but now I am supposed to rest a lot, which I do. However, when I am awake, my life's problems keep crowding in on me. All that stuff again, and I just feel so blue. It's not like I can pick myself up and go do something to occupy myself, because I am not allowed to do anything except very short walks, and walking always makes me think of stuff too.

I can't concentrate on anything long enough to distract myself, and I find myself becoming depressed. Mulling over the past, my marriage difficulties, the day I found out, future problems, are all crashing in on me.

So I guess I am just asking for some prayers, healing light, kind words, or something to boost my spirits a little.

Thank you, and love and light to you all,<p>Jacky

Jacky,<p>I know exactly what you are talking about. With the job that I have it is all or nothing. In other words, I am either to busy to think about anything or not doing anything and thinking about everything! I am also having a tough time right now because I am screwed up on my anti-depressant meds. <p>Something my grandmother always told me rings true in this situation! "An idle mind is the devil's playground!"
My advice while you are laid up is to do things that will take your mind off everything. Read a book. (not a romance book or anything mushy like that, it will make it worse.)Watch some funny movies, or maybe some action movies. (No love stories or sad ones) Maybe learn something new like sewing or something of that sort. <p>Something else to think about when ever you get back on your feet and mobile again is to start doing things that you have always wanted to do. <p>For me that was to buy a sports car (under my fathers name until after the divorce) never had one and always wanted one. Going to motorcycle rallys with my friends. (STBXW hated for me to go to things like that, said that all the girls there were sl*ts! Hmmm, maybe she had a bad conscience, who nows!)
I also get private martial arts lessons and loving it.
What I am trying to say is I am taking care of me and trying to keep my mind busy. <p>Maybe something of this sort would help you get your mind off of things.<p>Hope you are feeling better!<p>RN

Well, sweetie, <p>when you have had a hysterectomy, and you are laid up for six weeks mimimum, all those life plans seem like an eternity away.<p>I have tried to read and do passive type activities, but the anaesthetic residue, or something, keeps my mind from focussing. I love to read, but I get through half a page, and my attention wanders.<p>I cannot believe the pain I am feeling right now...........and it is heart pain, not hysterectomy pain. I thought I was OVER this! Some say the ovaries can go to sleep after surgery for a time, and maybe that is what is up with me. But it is my birthday in four days, and I know he will not even acknowledge it. He knows this will hurt me, because he was always so big about making sure we never forgot everyone's birthdays.....so it really is upsetting me.

He didn't even call me to see how I was after surgery; though he did skulk around the family. This may be why I hurt so bad right now. I needed him for this, and I didn't know it until it was over.

Another of my hurts is that I can't even ask this man, who I spent 17 years of my life with, how he is doing.........because every time I did in the past, he never answered. I just can't take that anymore.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. <p>Love and light, <p>Jacky

It is common to have post-operative depression...especially after a hysterectomy. Put that depression together with the divorce woes and there you have it.<p>Depression is most likely keeping you from being able to concentrate on reading. I used to read a book a week...from the time I separated (1/00) to recently, I couldn't read or even concentrate on watching a movie. I cleaned....and concentrated on work and my kids. I am okay now, but it was tough and I didn't have surgery.<p>Try not to think about what happened with your marriage. Do try to concentrate on getting well and new beginnings. It is Spring...the perfect time for fresh new starts. Maybe there is a mini-on line class you can take while recovering...check with your local community college or vocational school. Do something positive for yourself...try something new. If you are up to it and can afford it, go get a facial and have your hair cut or styled a different way...go through your spring and summer clothes and toss out anything you don't wear or like or reminds you of the past. <p>Hope you feel better...think positive thoughts...and look ahead. So many of us waste presious time living in the past that we don't see all the possibilities of what is in front of us.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by HappyMac:
<strong>It is common to have post-operative depression...especially after a hysterectomy. Put that depression together with the divorce woes and there you have it.<p>Depression is most likely keeping you from being able to concentrate on reading. I used to read a book a week...from the time I separated (1/00) to recently, I couldn't read or even concentrate on watching a movie. I haven't been able to read a novel in two years. I cleaned....and concentrated on work and my kids. I am okay now, but it was tough and I didn't have surgery.<p>Try not to think about what happened with your marriage. Do try to concentrate on getting well and new beginnings. It is Spring...the perfect time for fresh new starts. Maybe there is a mini-on line class you can take while recovering...check with your local community college or vocational school. Do something positive for yourself...try something new. If you are up to it and can afford it, go get a facial and have your hair cut or styled a different way...go through your spring and summer clothes and toss out anything you don't wear or like or reminds you of the past. <p>Hope you feel better...think positive thoughts...and look ahead. So many of us waste presious time living in the past that we don't see all the possibilities of what is in front of us.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>[ April 04, 2002: Message edited by: HappyMac ]</p>

Jacky,<p>We all go though this at one point or another. I have to admit that I am always taking one step forward and two steps back.
I loved my STBXW more than life itself. She has put me through hell for years and I still love her. Probably always will, but I have to look at the reality of the whole situation, not what could have been or what could be. God, I get so bogged down in living in the past and running our relationship through my mind time and time again and try to figure out what when wrong and how that I could have fixed the problems.<p>Thing is that I can't go back and fix what was broke. I can't even fix what was broke now. <p>Something else that I have to do from time to time is evaluate my situation. Will I ever be able to trust her again? Probably not! Will I ever be able to respect her again? Probably not!
Will I ever be able to treat her the way she deserves to be treated after all of this? Not a chance! Too many bridges burned for that. <p>IMHO she is better off without me because of the things that I mentioned able.
Do I still love her? Very much so! I would do (almost) anything for her.
Do I miss her? More than I can say.
Do I hate everything that has happened to this point? With a passion.
Am I scared of going on with life without her? Petrified! I have never been on my own! Left my parents house straight into the marriage.
Am I getting stronger or weaker? I feel that I am getting stronger due to a strong support base at home and people like YOU that have helped me so much through all of this.
Does she care at all about me? I have no idea, I would hope that after three children and many years building a life together that she would but I haven't heard from her unless she needs something. Birthday's, anniversaries, sickness in the family. Nope haven't heard a word! Does it hurt? Damn right! <p>Jacky I have tons of sympathy for you because I KNOW how you feel. <p>I hope everything starts looking up for you soon. <p>Your friend <p>Steve

I know a little bit about what you are feeling - I was opn bed rest for two weeks at the beginning of my pregancy.<p>It was tough, but a few things to do would be maybe write some letters to friends, family, learn something that you've always wanted to learn like a game or a hobby. What helped me the most was prayer. There are alot of prayers out there and bible studies to assist with growing in a better realtionship with God. When is the next time you'll be able to read the bible and not be thinking about all the other things you could be doing. <p>I think that God used my bed rest time to get me spiritually strngthened for all of the rough rocky times that were ahead for me. <p>Don't worry though. You will rise again and be back on track soon enough. Time waits for no one. Try to enjoy the peace and quiet for a while. It may not come again soon. K

Roughneck: I am sorry that you are still in so much pain over your ex's betrayal. Please explain how you can feel so much love for someone who obviously doesn't give a hoot about your feelings. According to your bio she got caught cheating four times and then ran off with someone she met online. You mentioned you don't think you could treat her the way she deserves? How about you? Do you deserve a wife who cheats on you at every opportunity, who is less than truthful, who would throw a marriage away for someone she met on the internet, who would hurt her three children? How can you feel love for someone that selfish? I understand that often we tend to think of the person we thought we married. I don't think any one marries someone and plans on it failing....but, for your own peace of mind, you certainly deserve someone who will love you completely. Love should bring you happiness...not pain. Love doesn't send you running for medication because you are in such despair that you can't function. Love is not about lying and hurting your children. Perhaps your ex doesn't love or respect herself. Why is it that so many betrayed spouses feel that if they change...if they grovel, love will return? If love was ever there, sometimes it does. But so many times, the WS only does it time and time again with a host of OM or OW. How do you blame yourself when you did what you could? Your ex doesn't sound very nice. Chances are she will cheat with the new guy too. Is that what you want? A marriage would someone who thinks nothing of your feelings or your marriage? Stop mourning and get on with living your life. You deserve someone who will be there for you for no other reason than she loves you and you make her happy.[

Hey Jacky ---<p>Just thinking about you --- had an idea... <p>Maybe you could get someone to run out to the store and get you a 'how to' booklet and some yarn and kneedles and learn to do something new like TAT or Crochet or knit... it's not extremely high concentration work, but it's something you could learn to do and would be accomplishing something as you sit there quietly. I recomment crochet - it's faster - and by the time you can move around you could have an heirloom table cloth done.<p>Blessings --- love an light back at you girl!!!<p>Jan

Jack-<p>Spend your time telling me about your drugs! <p>I could start to sing you songs if you'd like...<p>How bout we just all chat with you till you feel better?<p>I'll start. After we talk about drugs, tell me about your love and light. Where did that come from?<p>Love,
Elizabeth

I am overwhelmed by your wonderful responses people. I have just felt so closed-in here......can't even drive!!! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Roughneck, thank you for your words, and I do understand how you can still love someone even after all the pain. I am in the same situation, and I know it is wrong for us to reconcile, because i know in my heart that the hurts would get in the way of any recovery. That and a complete loss of trust. Not very MB, I know, but you really do need BOTH people to want the marriage wholeheartedly, and I know he doesn't. I do evaluate, like you, on a regular basis, so I know what you mean.<p>HappyMac, thanks for your words of wisdom, too. You are right on your evaluation on loving relationships, and I know I was not in one. Doesn't make it any easier. I have let this relationship go a hundred times, but it doesn't seem to let ME go!!! And I know about the depression thing after surgery, because I have done a lot of reading about it. Keeping myself busy is really an issue, however.....I am tired, lack concentration, motivation and enthusiasm. I know it iwll pass once I can take care of myself again. I am an Aries, and I do not like to just sit around...but I cannot seem to get motivated to do anything. But thanks for the suggestions.<p>Godisincontrol, prayer and positive thoughts have been a part of this for me all along. I will keep trying........sometimes God takes his own time to answer, I know.<p>Seekingjoy2 - hey sweetie! Thanks for dropping in. I can knit, sew and crochet, as well as do cross-stitch. I was working on a beautiful fairy cross-stitch before the op, but I have picked it up numerous times, and it just seems like too much effort to begin again. When I start it again, I know I will be getting over this latest roller-coaster ride.<p>justthewife - sorry, off all drugs, except for strong anti-biotics for an infection at the incision. So they don't make me high or anything....but they are finally cleaning up the bug that attacked me, so I guess I should be grateful.<p>The love and light comes from my spiritual beliefs. Sending love and the powerful beautiful pure white light of spirit is something I do to try and spread good feelings, love, support and healing energy to people. <p>Love and light and thank you to everyone......I am hoping that today will be a better day.<p>Jacky

Are you of a Blessed Be persuasion?<p>We could just play email tag if you'd prefer.<p>So sad. No nice pills. Poor thing.

JTW,<p>No, not exactly, though I do like that greeting!!! I find it hard to classify what my beliefs come under.....new age sounds wrong to me, because my beliefs are based on old doctrines!<p>You can email me at jackinoz@optushome.com.au, or we could set up IM if you like.......I get the feeling I would like to talk to you, especially now, when it doesn't hurt to laugh anymore!<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Forget it. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] It's not worth it if I can't cause just a little pain.<p>Cool, I actually had to gut my puter recently. What IM program do you use?

I use MSN.......but.....I have gotten myself tired now,a nd I am needing a nap. See? Can't even concentrate on the boards for long.<p>If you don't use MSN IM, write to me via email, and I can send you an invitation to join. I will be sleeping for the next couple of hours though.<p>Looking forward to it........and btw, I just KNEW you were int sadism!!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

You know me too well. <p>Nap, we'll do this later. Doubt I'll be sleeping. Both kids have ear infections.

Elizabeth... let me know too if you get signed on to MSN chat... Jacky and I chat often on that! Would be cool to add you to that list as well!<p>Jaques... take care friend. You will need to go through these things but this too shall pass... <p>I've been sleeping fairly regularly now so no more middle of the night chats for me... well and I haven't had a dream about Russell Crowe in a long time... maybe that's why I'm not waking... no more getting hot and bothered! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Ciao my dear,
Nicole

Bonus Nic,<p>I'm off to install. Jill asked me bout this too the other day.<p>Everybody happy. That's how I like it.

Hi, Jacky! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Glad you are recovering. Wish you didn't have the infection, though. My kitten is recovering nicely. I don't think she's slowed down much. Not fair that the kitten should recover so much quicker than a mom. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Cinderella... so you did get a new kitty? Well, our kitten, the one who stayed, just had five of her own. Hmmm, got her from a shelter, made the wrong assumption she was fixed. We will be doing that soon. In the meantime, have the cutest little gray and gray and white tabbies!<p>Cheers,
Nicole