Two years ago, I was sitting here doing pretty much the same thing as now - drinking coffee and getting ready for the day. I had no idea my world was going to be turned upside down and never the same. <p>My only regret is that I didn't kick him out then and never look back - a whole lot of grief, money, legal stuff could have been prevented.... Instead he played games with me and the trashy OW for over a year - coming and going all the time.

I'm not really sad today, more mad. Why didn't he just say he wanted to be with her and wanted a divorce? To this day, he has never said that to me. We are divorced today because I had enough of the junk, not him. <p>Those of your currently in the throes of this mess, take heart. It DOES get better and I AM happier now than I ever thought possible. He's a distant past and I can think of nothing I miss about him. The thing is, I thought I was happy then..... <p>I know in my heart that I did everything possible to save my marriage and that he did nothing. I can also now take responsibility for the role I played in the breakdown of the marriage. If OW were out of the picture, I could even be friends with WS. But I could and would never go back to being his doormat - that's OW's job now.....

20/20 hindsight is a ***** sometimes, no? I feel sometimes like REALLY teaching my Walkaway Wife a lesson in life and just tearing into her and going for alimony and such. Who knows what will happen. It took her dumping me like an old sock to really look into my soul and find what was important in life. And I thank her for that. Maybe it will take being alone for a few months to realize what is important to her. It's tough to be the dumped/compassionate one, but I think/hope that we will be the stronger for it. <p>No regrets, they'll drive you nuts! Just the future!<p>Jon

Thanks for for putting into words exactly how I was feeling. <p>It's 7 months past D-day, and soemtimes I wish I would have just stuck to my guns when I kicked him out and not tried so hard to make the marriage work. However, I, like you, can now say that I did all that I could to improve myself and learn from out past mistakes in order to save the marriage. Marriage, however, takes two, and when one party has fallen off the deep end then we are better off without the person that they have become. Although sad but true. (He went from being Catholic to I don't know what - he thinks living together and sex before marriage(not to mention having an affair) is ok and that he's not a bad example for our children).<p>I'm not quite to the happy point that you are, but I'm hopeful that one day I will be. <p>I'm glad that you've found some happiness and peace after all of this. K

Jon:<p>I know about hindsight - sure would have been nice to have had some foresight though.... I don't really regret all the times I took him back because it has given me the peace to move on without the "what ifs." I'm contradicting myself I know. <p>The main thing I've learned about myself is that I could never by MYSELF (who I really am, the good, the bad, and the ugly) with him. It's been a very freeing experience. Looking back, I don't really like who I was when I was married to him. I am far from perfect now, but at least I'm ME again.... And you know what? I like me now and so do others....<p>K:<p>Like your WS, my ex also professed (and still does, I think) to be a Christian. Heck, he and trashy OW (who he has lived with since our final separation) take my kids to church on the weekends they have them. They also don't sleep together when the girls are there - still trying to keep up appearances? <p>My WS has broken so many hearts. Like my MIL (I still call her that and have a wonderful relationship with all the in-laws)said the other day, affairs affect so many more than those directly involved. I KNOW I am better off without him now. It took a long time, but I finally got there.<p>I won't lie, I still have anger. I hate the stigma of being from a broken home for my children. I hate him and her when my children are crying because they miss their daddy and they realize that I do not want daddy anymore. I hate the OW who is trying to mold her life into mine and wants me to be friendly with her. But for the most part, the trashy OW doesn't occupy alot of my thoughts and the WS and I get along pretty well.<p>I never thought I could really get over him. I asked over and over again "how do I get over it and him?" Time is the greatest healer. Your time will come as well - either with your WS or without. But in the end, YOU will be a better person. <p>WS's are weak - I think that's what differentiates me from my ex. I am strong and I don't "need" anyone. His biggest fear is being alone. Not for the BS because we have been alone. Entering a new relationship is much more rewarding that way I have found.<p>I am enjoying the "single" life and I actually like having no demands from the ex. It's been rather liberating - but remember that I have been going thru this for two years.... I look forward to the day you post that you are successfully recovering with OR without your WS.<p>May you both find the peace and happiness you so deserve!