My H and I have been married 14 years and have been pretty compatable. Early in our marriage we tried some open marriage sex - mainly swinging, which I did to satisfy his need. Since then we have had 2 beautiful children and I quit my career to care for them (we also stopped swinging). It's been a totally different world for me since. For 4 years I was sleep deprived. Now that they are older, I get my sleep, but I am still exhausted by the time my H gets home. Needless to say our sex life has suffered immensely. I have always let him have a "weekend off" every once in awhile just to get away from the stress in his life. Sometimes he gets lucky, other times he doesn't. These times have been very few. Needless to say, I have always stayed home with the kids. Lately, in the last year though, he has spent more time on the internet, talking with other women. At first I didn't think it was a big deal - it was just talk, until he started meeting some of them. His drinking has gotten heavier. He can polish off 1.75 liters of rum in 3 days. Our relationship came to a head last week and we finally started discussing these issues. He says he drinks so he can go to sleep at night because I won't have sex with him (I seem to have a low sexual desire). He is obsessed about any kind of sexual adventure now. We have done a lot of adventures together(hiking, camping, sailing, exploring, etc.) but now he wants to go sexual exploring. He wants 2 women, one of them preferrably to be myself. I'm not into that. Since the kids have been born, I have become active in my religion, which was something I didn't practice when we got married. I want to raise them right and want our lives together to be the Christian way. Right now, he is being the heathen and I don't know how to fix it. I know the drinking isn't helping, and he seems to have gone off the deep end since his father died 3 years ago. How can I steer him back onto the right path?<P>[This message has been edited by toots_007 (edited March 09, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by toots_007 (edited March 09, 2000).]

Hi toots-<P>There seem to be two issues in your post.<P>The first is the drinking. 1.75 liters is a lot in 3 days, especially if he does it regularly. But alone, it's not enough to presume alcoholism. Does he drink when he's alone? Does he drink in the morning? Does he drink at specific times of the day, for example, every day at 5:00? Has he hidden alcohol around the house? Has he run into problems at work about his drinking? Does he drink to get drunk? Do other family members notice his drinking? If the answer to two (or more) of these is yes, he might be an alcoholic. For more information on alcoholism, look in your phone book for an Al-Anon chapter, and go to a meeting. Al-Anon is a group for the families and friends of alcoholics.<P>As a Christian myself, I applaud your decision to become active in your religion and to make lifestyle changes. You can't "fix" your H if you feel he's a "heathen". But you can pray and put the matter in the hands of One who can fix it. <P>If you and your H have always had an open marriage in regard to sex, and throughout your marriage he's had "weekends off" where he, with your blessing, has tried to "get lucky", I'm sorry to say your H may not be willing to change to a traditional monogamous marriage. Did you two agree upon the open sex arrangements before marriage? I would take this matter to the infidelity forum. It may be infidelity with permission, but it's still infidelity, and the people there would be much more helpful to you than those of us without experience dealing with this.<P>Good luck. You'll be in my prayers.