Okay, Here goes...
I'm new to this site and I really don't know how to do this, I hope that this goes through.<p>I am a 28 year old man who is very sad and lonely man right now, all because my wife is so bent on getting a divorce, and I know that we could've worked things out if she would try...especially for the sake of our 2 year old daughter. I'll have to start from the beginning (I'll try not to take too long)<p>My wife and I met in 1996 and were married in 1997. I knew that she was the one when I first saw her. Anyhow, we have been through some really diffulcult times, these past 2 years and I am now living in Las Vegas, not by my own will mind you. I have been here for a week and I miss my family so much, I can't seem to move a finger without them. <p>I will this, I feel as though we were cheated in our marriage. I love my wife and my 2 year old child more than words can say, and I can honestly say that my wife does not realize the ramifications of divorce will have on our child. I know, my parents divorced when I was but a child. A year and a half ago, we "lost" ourselves. <p>I allowed her mother, who left her husband, to move in our house only to find out that she was influencing my wife. I then allowed her Father to move in our house because they reconciled. That's 5 people under one roof, a 2 bedroom apartment. Not to mention that I lost my job around this time, we were both in the casino business at the time and people constantly stay in your business...people were telling her that I was doing things that I wan't doing, etc. I then started hanging out with my friends to escape the stress of my wife being upset with me, and her parents and the anger that was building up inside of me. She of course, made more than enough money to support both of us until I was able to find something( I got trained and got her that job.) She then tells me the reason why she's being so mean to me and telling me why she doesn't love me anymore is because she has a crush on some guy at her job. great. I still loved her though. <p>Well, We argue and she says that she is no longer happy so, I try to give her space for a couple of days, however, it turns into months..while her family stays at my house! She then tells me that she is filing for divorce because, she doesn't want to go through the same thing her mother has been going through for the past 28 years. By the way, both of her parents have since moved out and are back happily in New Mexico. At around christmas they move out and she wants to try again...not knowing that I have been devasted and I am terribly angry. I declined to go back, a mistake that I regret to this day, because I felt as though it was just the holidays abd as soon as they were over she would go back to listening to her mother and aunt. <p>Now, it's January and we're at our apartment and we're talking about getting back together and I tell her that before we do this we needed to trust each other to the fullest. Well, I told her that while we had been separated, I got terribly drunk and slept with another woman and that I regretted it painfully. She then was hurt but, still was ready to try but, here I am still hurt and angry that I said no...again a mistake that I regret till this day. So, she ends up going out with her friends and kisses some other guy and I'm devasted now. My wife is a Traditional Hispanic Catholic, I mean the woman is really a saint but, she is stubborn as hell! She would have never done anything like that before, then I found out that she did it out of spite.<p>Anyway, now it's Febuary, and I realize after the fog clears that I really do need my wife and that no matter what we go through, we still have the foundation of love that we shared, it never lefted, it was just masked for a while. Well, she isn't hearing it. Then about a month and a half ago, we're finally starting to make progress and I realize that it's going to take some time on each of our parts but, we're trying. Wed, Thrus, and Fri., we were doing great then, her aunt calls, apparently I'm not to answer my own phone, and makes my wife cry...so she takes me to where I was staying at. On Sat. she drops of our daughter for the weekend so that she can go to work, her mother comes back to town by Sun. and by Mon. I'm on the phone with my wife as she's telling me that everything that she had been doing to try and reconcile was fake and that there was no chance of us getting back together and that she wished that I'd stop talking about it. It's been that way ever since. <p>I know this is long but, I have to share just a tidbit of what actaully happened because, we have a true love story. I was her very first, and has touched my soul like no other. I have since found God and he has shown me that I have not been living by the Word. Since all of this has happened, I have learned sooo much. I have learned that no matter what happenes she and my daughter will always be my heart and soul. Of course, I haven't told you everything..that would take even longer...but, I had to leave that place because, it was really depressing me and I couldn't deal with the fact that she kept telling me that she had fallen out of love with me and that she was no longer physically attracted to me. She has befriended a man at work, who is married, and they talk on the phone and go out togehter every other night until all hours of the morning. I used to be her best friend and now someone else is. She has become so independent that she tells me that she no longer needs me. <p>I pray to God everyday and night that He Bless me with my family again, There is so much that we have to live for, all of our hopes and dreams gone because, she is so easily influenced. She now has taken down all of our wedding pictures and everything that has to do with me. She says that she was very naive and married the first man, who she thought was "it", yet she remained a virgin until we got married...many have tried and they all failed.<p>To try and sum up, I feel as though we could have moved past our problems if people would stay out of our business and let us do our thing, however, had this not happened, I would've never found out how much my family really meant to me...I was engulfed in my own issues of depression and what not. She is very bitter and doesn't want to hear anything that I have to say, even though she know's that she to has made some mistakes, that doesn't matter. I'll do anything to make our marriage work but, I have realized that the more I take a step forward, she takes two steps back. I know that she will regret this divorce later and I don't want my child going through this. I am willing and she is not. I guess to better understand all of this, you would have to know the whole story. I have tried to give you the gist of what actually is going on. I need my wife just as much as she need's me, so why can't she see that. And why do I have to move on...I'm in Las Vegas, the entertainment capital of the world and I don't even want to go any where or even speak to another woman....God Bless my family and may look after my 2 year old daughter and my lovely wife. This is one marriage that was really supposed to last forever.<p>Humbled Son

By the way...My email addy is humbledson@yahoo.com
thank you

Humbled,<p>Please be careful taking any advice from me, OK?<p>One thing I thing you have to do is to slow down the chase. You said it yourself. You take one step forward and she takes two steps back. You chase and she runs away. Sometimes you just have to give your W some space and wait. The waiting is tough. Don't beg. Let her know that you still love her and would like to reconcile (in case you left her confused about that by twice refusing to move home) - but then, wait - and work on improving yourself. She may come to you.<p>Meanwhile, read the material on this site (not the forums, but the main site) - basic concepts, emotional needs etc. Try to meet your W's needs when you have contact with her (exchange of child, for example), but don't expect her to do anything to please you or meet your needs. This is called (more or less) "plan A" in MB terminology. Read up on it elsewhere on this site. Be patient. <p>My W moved out almost 11 months ago, and says (or has said - I'm not sure now that she will do it) that she will move home when her lease is up in about a month. I'm not holding my breath, but things slowly improve.<p>-AD<p>[ April 06, 2002: Message edited by: AbandonedDad ]</p>

Try the Just found out... forum.<p>[ April 06, 2002: Message edited by: OneGoing ]</p>

Humbled Son,<p>Please give us an update.<p>What's happening?<p>-Ad