For those of you who are fimiliar with my story I need some advice I'll try 2 briefly inform others b/c I need anyone's help and I don't have alot of time.....<p>
For those of you who remember I am snowbunny and my H is MTNMAN...this has been on going back and forth it seems forever. 1st of 2001 ask to be seperated, 6 weeks ltr started seeing someone H took it really bad obviously. He tried to reconcile there after, I was still in the fog as we put it really confused couldn't give him and answers. Months later he finally agrees to try then he didn't come around in time frame I guess I needed. Another big mistake he said fine we're done. Everytime we see each other we are intimate. He still lives in cali and I am in Ok. He got caught up in some financial stuff that was out of my control he is very upset about that. I do trully understand his feelings even though he thinks otherwise. 3 weeks ago, he told me that he wanted to try and work things out. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I am prego.(being from his last visit) We were both seeing other people at the time of this happening. From the sonogram and dates of things this child is his. He has reservations, as I would to in his shoes. I know that it took a lot for him to say what he did to me. After having the sonogram and telling him that there was no chance that it could be the persons that I was seeing at the time he said he wasn't going to tell his parents(whom don't speak to me and don't call about our son at all) well in an attempt to explain myself also trying to be the bigger person to patch things up with his family I emailed them. 2 months ago atleast. I stated in there that I was prego and that I didn't feel it was right for my H not to tell them until the baby was born. The reason I added that to my email is H's parents are the type of people that would have said well why didn't you(myself) tell them instead of it being dropped on them. I didn't mean it to try and cause conflict between my H & his parents at all that was just a part of the email. So my H, says that he took it as me being deceptive and thats why he has changed his mind in working things out. So the advice I need is this. I am willing to give up my career where I am, move from my family to a place where I know it will be hard to make a living for myself(since he doesn't want to work it out now) and do this so that our son and this baby can have some kind of normal life. I think things will change in his mind, if he had to deal with me on a day to day basis. I am taking what he said 3 weeks ago to heart and what he saying now and kind of putting it on back burner b/c I knew what it took for him to say something like that to me after all that has happened on both parts. (fyi: when he said he wanted to work things out I wasn't the one that brought it up) Should I take what he is saying now out of anger thinking I meant to sabotage he and his family or go on move the 2300 miles and go from there. I want this more than anything its just really scary when you leave stability to go to something that is so uncertain.....please help me.....I am torn between how I know he acts when we are together and what he told me those few short weeks ago and what he tells me the rest of the time that turns out to be just talk b/c something completely different happens when we are together.....

Not sure what to advise you here..but could you maybe take a vacation and go out there for a visit
and while your there look for a job? before you just quit where your at and take off?<p>Maybe sit down and work out a plan of action..talk to your employer about taking a couple weeks vacation..going out to Cali to visit..and look for a job..see how it goes..and also take the time to begin working on things with your h then..<p>Sit down with your husband while your there and see if you can come to some agreements<p>And if things don't go as planned then you could always go back home and go from there..

Well the vacation thing won't work...talked to them today so I had to resign. <p>I think if I list the issues it might help should have done that already but I am sure you know when you get to typing things just roll out.<p>1.)At this point in time he saying he doesn't want to try.(3 1/2 wks ago he did)<p>He says this alot but when we are together its different. So I am going to lay low as far as that goes. <p>2.)Wanting to know what plan of action I could take being he says he doesn't want to try now. <p>3.)Should I worry about the "relationship" shall we call it that he has with some girl on line. <p>He has flown to Texas to see her then H told OW that we had been together and that I was prego. She broke up I guess we can say then weeks later said she forgave him.<p>4.)How hard do I push? Do I push at all? Where will I know where the boundaries begin and end are there any signs?<p>My H means the world to me and we have both done rotten things to one another. There is more to life then pettiness. I know if he didn't care and have love for me he would have never brought up the fact of getting back together.

As far as boundaries go..read the book Boundaries in Marriage..that should help there..<p>Talk to him again and ask him if he would like to make the marriage work or not..<p>You could ask him to make a list of all the why's and the why nots..and start there...<p>and make a list for yourself...<p>Look at the pro's and cons..