Just reading some old posts from last year and it looks like you and I have a very similar situation with our WH's - well now your ExH.
I was just hoping to get some insight into how to seal with mine since you've already been there and done that. <p>Hope everything is going well for you. K<p>[ April 09, 2002: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</p>

Her new Name is<p>On*My*Own<p>and she has not visited here very much, but now has a new relationship that is going very well, and even though we often email her, she is very, very busy in school as a teacher. . . . <p>good luck<p>wiftty

Hi K-<p>I'm just bumping in here to say, "Hi" and see how you are doing. I hope everything is going well. You haven't really posted anything new in awhile so I hope that is a good sign.<p>Things are going well for me. I guess I am really Plan B'ing it and it is much better for me. He is pretty much out of sight and out of mind. Boundaries are so nice! I am looking at what I want and working on only me. I have wasted too much time and energy on my X. <p>Rumor has it that my X has rented a house. He can move in May 1. In light of this and the "Easter" family acceptance by both families, he now has everything he wanted. It will be interesting to see how "reality" works for him and the A.<p>I hope things are going well. April is ticking away. Let me know how things are.<p>Take care and God bless!
K

Thanks for the info. wiffty.<p>Just ordered Sudden Endings: Wife Rejection in Happy Marriages - should be an interesting read.<p>Also wondering how On My Own's WH is handling the kids now after the divorce.<p>Thanks! K

Somebody wants to talk to me??? <p>Hello GIIC,<p>I heard through the grapevine that I'd popped up on the MB radar screen, so I thought I'd check in. What can I do for you?<p>I haven't been lurking here for a while, so you might need to give me a little background also. <p>I am a lonnnggggggggggggggggg way from the person I used to be posting those old "soon2b_alone" posts - she was pretty lost and depressed. Wiffty's right, I am in a great relationship and plugging along teaching school. I am moving far, far, far away from my ex in 2 months, 7 days, (and 3 hours [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ) and had to go through a huuuuuuuuuge court battle to get that to happen but it is well worth it to get away from my contentious, controlling ex, my daughter away from her jerk father (a long story), and to be close to my boyfriend.<p>These experiences have colored my once rosey belief in life ever after if only the ex and I could've worked it out...blechhhhhh. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] There was not enough room for me and his pedestal at the same time, if you know what I mean.<p>Anyway...I'll check back here or you can email me (the address is in my profile).<p>Good luck<p>Lisa

Wow! I wasn't sure if you were still around, but let me tell you why I was asking. For some reason I was doing a search on who was hanging around MB at this time last year - since I didn't come around until Sept., and I read one of your posts.<p>Brief backgroud on me:
D-day: 8/24/01
M: 9 1/2 years Together: 13 years
Me-BS: 30 WH: 30
Kids: Boys-7 1/2,6,3 and one girl 6 weeks.
OW: 33 Kids: 2 girls 4, 8 Divorced her H - 3/02
OW worked for WH, his assistant
EA since 12/00 turned PA in spring 01<p>Anyway, I noticed that your then WH acted terribly when it came to your kids and custody as well as when it came to you - it's the post where I got the name of the book Sudden Endings.<p>Your situation sounds VERY similar to mine and I'm about to go through the whole divorce process - first hearing is at the end of the month, and I was hoping that you may have some words of wisdom to pass along concerning how to deal with the STBX in his altered mental state. He thinks that he's acting correctly, when in reality he is acting so badly that only he and the OW think he is ok.<p>Right now I'm trying to Plan B with him until the hearing, mainly for my sanity, but he is like a little kid who has never before been told the word "no." The last time I tried Plan B - before I filed for divorce, he tricked me into leaving the house so that he could break in and take the kids school clothes and books so he would not have to return them to me when we had agreed.<p>I'm happy to hear that you are in a great relationship now. It gives me hope. However, I'm not looking forward to the next few months dealing with my STBX. <p>Any suggestions? K

Well, I'd like to tell you that it will get better...<p>My ex also was not used to hearing "no." He was the center of his parent's universe growing up and always tried to make himself the center of the universe of our friends and coworkers. Our divorce was about him and his wants...custody battles have been the same after the divorce. He refuses to understand that our children are not happy with his choices, nor are they happy with the fact that he married the OW 6 weeks after our divorce was final (gave the kids 2 days notice). <p>In fact, just yesterday he was asking me if he could spend more time with my daughter (11 yo) before we move...my only condition was that it be time with just the two of them - since my daughter does not want to be around OW any more than absolutely necessary. His answer was that he would do what he wanted...so my answer to him then was "no." - you can imagine the responses I got... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway, advice? Sever all ties as much as you can...insist on communication only by non-confrontational sources (3rd party or email) - don't debate when he refuses...just don't play along. For instance, when my ex started abusing calling me - leaving harrassing messages, etc - I changed cell phone numbers and didn't give him the new one. I eliminated his ability to get to me. If emails contain anything harrassing, I don't answer them - just file away for future restraining order proof. I absolutely refuse to play his games. It frustrates him to no end, and I don't care...all of this is fallout to decisions he made...consequences stink...poor baby.<p>Make sure your custody plan is detailed as to how exchanges will work, who pays for what, etc. Then, if he breaks those arrangements, you can use that to limit or eliminate his visitations through the court. With your stbx as out of control as he sounds, give him bare minimum visitation...with such young children, you will more than likely win exactly as you request it. Custody plans are legal documents requiring compliance and there are stiff consequences for failure to abide by them.<p>I actually had to take the step of sending a registered "cease and desist" letter to my ex stating it was the final warning before seeking a restraining order against him due to his lack of anger control, harrassment, etc. I cc'd a copy to his lawyer who apparently told him this wouldn't look good in court for him...he sort of settled down.<p>In the end, however, I am moving away. He won't stop the harrassment as long as I am close by. He has destroyed his relationship with our daughter and is probably going to ruin it with our son (15 yo) as well.<p>The best thing you can do for yourself is to take yourself out of victim role...get a little angry (it helps shake off the depression)...and take control of your life yourself.<p>Good Luck<p>Lisa

Great advice! Thanks a bunch!<p>I'm currently taking the steps you've suggested, although I communicate through e-mail with him way too much, but it's better than the phone.<p>If you don't mind my asking, what sort of things qualify as harrassment? I'm keeping all e-mails and such and all phone calls. Does calling the house incessantly count?<p>Unfortunately, I was prepared for your answer. WHy can't the WH get a clue. Oh well. <p>Your insight has really helped, if even to support and affirm my course of action. <p>Anytime you have any more wisdom to offer, please pass it along. THANKS! and I wish you all the best with your move. K