I have a question. I am a divorced person of a year and am in a pretty serious relationship that may lead to marraige. A year ago I lost everything in a fire and recently freaked about it. He had a hard time dealing with me, and by no means was I rational about it..pretty obsesive about the whole issue. Tonight he told me he wonders how stable I am, becuase I have refered to things as going over the edge in other situations from my past. Now, I am reluctant to open up on some other serious things that have gone on in my life. Where I know those things come in time to do so, it has made me wonder, do others have the right to know EVERYTHING that has happened to you? Or what you have done? As in things you weren't too proud of doing? Obiviously, everyone has their own opinion of what they have done themselves, and when told, the other person may relate it in a total differnt way. After time (I am 30) I just recently have started to wonder, excatly whose right is it to know? Do you owe it to the other person? Do you set up boundries, not walls to protect yourself? Thanks.

I'm not sure that complete honesty is a 'right'. I see it more as a privilege that someone has earned. I've done some things that I'm not too proud of as well, and was always wary about sharing my heart and soul with people -- I would anticipate their rejection, or at least my own humiliation. I realized, though, that I would only marry a person who had the maturity, understanding, and generosity of spirit to hear and really 'get' my experiences. I tested my now-husband a little bit at a time (not consciously, but that's how it turned out), and grew to admire him so much because of his determination to judge others, not based on their 'worst' actions, but on their best (or at least their most habitual). Actually, I think it's easier for him to do this for others than for himself!<P>I have shared everything with my husband. Sometimes I've been terrified, and sometimes it has led to arguments. Ultimately, though, it's led to a very close relationships. Of course, we have our issues (otherwise I probably wouldn't be looking at this site!), but I feel more understood and accepted than ever before in my life, and this has been very important to me. Indeed, I wouldn't have settled for anything less.<P>So I think you need to muster up your courage and reveal yourself to your boyfriend. You might begin by discussing how you felt when he reacted as he did. If he is not able to accept the reality of who you are, what you've experienced in your life, and how you handle things, then he will probably not be a satisfying partner for you.<P>Just my opinion.