My husband of 13 years had an affair recently, and I'm trying to decide whether I want to stay with him or divorce him and move on with my life in a different direction.<P>This started last October. He told me he had found a 31 year old at work that he wanted to be married to instead of me. (I'm 44 & he's 45)<P>We don't have any children, I can't have any. He never wanted kids before, but suddenly last spring he felt like he was missing out on something by not having them. He said the reason he wanted her was that he could have kids with her.<P>He hadn't had sex with her yet at that point, said he was trying to be honorable.<P>I moved out.<P>Two days after I left he called and said that he had been with her, started having sex, realized that he was making a horrible mistake, didn't love her, did love me. <P>I took him back.<P>Then the first week of January he told me that after we got back together he went to her place and had sex several times, but he regreted it now, and wanted us to stay together.<P>He has been treating me wonderfully since then, going out of his way to be nice and understanding (moreso than he ever was before).<P>The only thing is that I am bouncing so badly emotionally that I don't know if I want to be with him any more. <P>When I am with him I enjoy his company and think that I want to stay with him, but when I am away from him and think of his betrayal after we reconciled, I just want him out of my life. Don't know what to do.<P>

jcp,<P> Yes, stay with him. But you can't do it alone. You need strength to help you through this. I was recently directed to a wonderful website that has made all the difference in my strength and committment.<BR>It is <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> Please look on God during this time. He will not let you down or disappoint you. I will not preach to you. Only direct you to what will be most beneficial to you. I will pray for you and your marriage. I know with faith that you will find happiness.<P>Phil.4:13<P>

Dear JCP,<P>I would recommend not doing anything drastic while you are in the heat of anger and pain over your husband's affair. An affair is not like any other relationship, it's more like an addiction. Your H needs to be seperated from the source of his addiction, the other woman (OW).<P>I recommend you read the section here on Plan A/PlanB. <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html</A> <P>This is a very effective approach to dealing with affairs. You sound like a candidate for Plan A, which means H has no contact what so ever with the OW. Meanwhile you work very hard at filling his "Emotional Needs". Just as important you must control yourself not to do any "Love Busting". If these terms are unfamiliar to you, go here to read about the basic concepts of the Harley method:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html</A> <P>Welcome, and good luck.<P>Sincerely,<BR>Kenneth<BR>