I have been married 4 yrs together 7 (No Kids) and found out wife was having an afair. She then moved out the next week and I could not call her or go over to her new place. She told the guy she was having the afiar with she did not ever want to talk to him again on the phone while I was listening but I am not sure if she is still having another afair or not. I can't call her at home or go over to her new apt. I can only call call her on her cell (so there is no accountability to where she is at any time). Over the last three months, I have been plan A and It seems to have softened her spirit (so I think)we do communicate now more often but I still can't call her at home or go over there and I usually only talk to her in the morning or when she is at work or weekends. When it is convenient for her. Our communication seems good and she seem very enthusiastic about talking to me but She still is certian that the divorce is what she wants. I can tell though sometimes when I talk to her at night, she seems distant, like she can't talk or someone is around she doens't want to hear. My question is if I should continue to plan A or move on to Plan B. I feel like she is only communicating now so that the divorce will be easy or she thinks she can butter me up so I will just give into her demands for the divorce(which we have not discussed but we both have obtained lawers) I have asked my attorney for our divorce be transfered to a reconciliation court and will wait to see how she responds. I really get the feeling my wife has an alternate motive and she is still being pulled out of the marriage. (by family or lover). I love my wife very much and want to reconcile but it is difficult to continue to go through this not knowing what her motives are or if she is still having an affair. Please give help or advice on this subject.

Hi dynoman.<p>By all means continue to plan A because it is more for YOUR personal benefit than your W's and you'll be great H to her of another woman in the future. The benefits of applying MB principles go beyond M and into other human relationships in your work and personal life.<p>I would also like to humbly suggest that you start taking care of yourself during this difficult period in your life. How? Go to the theatre, go to a game, volunteer for a worthy cause, enroll in some life enhancing classes, take dancing lessons, etc. Start living your life again as though she was no longer a part of it because that may turn out to be the case IF she decides go ahead with the divorce. By doing this you will be able to withstand the emotional rollercoaster ride that many BS experience during the 'in the fog' and 'withdrawl' phases of the A while keeping your W's Love Bank withdrawls to a minimum AND if you become divorced you'll be way ahead in your recovery from your marital breakup. <p>And also remember that in many cases when a BS starts living his/her life again, the WS takes notice and starts to realize that BS is not so dependent on her/him and that if they divorce, that BS is more than capable of not only surviving divorce but thriving from the experience. This in many cases can be enough of a wake up call to the WS that the BS will no longer be there for her/him if WS pushes things beyond the breaking point, and this in turn starts to make them want the BS and M.<p>It's almost like when you are single and dating. The more needy you appear to your potential partner, the more repulsed she'll be. And the less needy and independent you are of her, the more attractive you'll be to her. <p>Good luck and God bless.<p>Joe<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>