You know me, you love me, I'm just the wife who is now a single parent. I try not to complain too much, but I'm gonna today.<p>[censored] came back from a week with his Mother today, first time she's bothered to help since the accident (but hey, who's counting). I guess this is more than single parenting I'm doing. Maybe single parenting of my two kids, and then taking care of a brain injured [censored] who didn't have enough respect for me to stop doing the OW for 2 stupid weeks.<p>The first thing I have an issue with today is getting used to being a single parent. My Chris is making his First Communion on the 21st, and so we had an interview with Fr. yesterday. I felt like an idiot. The kids and I were sitting there with all the other families, I was the only Mom without a Dad. When I had to introduce him to church at the beginning of the year it was me standing up with Chris and Amanda in front of the whole congregation saying who I was and introducing C and A. Everyone else was "I'm Jim Soandso and this is my wife and our kids. I guess I'll have to get used to it, but that doesn't make it suck any less. <p>Today was food stamp day. The 11th is the day we get our monthly allotment of $ on a credit card thing that is used to buy our food. I had to remind the kids a few times in the store that we couldn't get anything that wasn't something to eat because I couldn't write a check. I know that someone will say get a job, but with a depressed 8 year old and a broken x it is not really an option. Trust me, I've run this one a million times all possible scenarios. I also had to make my appointment with my "worker" to be recertified for food stamps, medicaid for C and I and Healthy Start for A. She is nice, but the whole idea of bringing in my checkbook, letter from my parents saying where I live, C's school records, and all sorts of other personal stuff really bites the big wazoo. <p>My sister moved here "tinytown, WI" from Chicago with her H to be closer and that was really neat of them. The only thing is, I fully admit that I feel sad/jealous that she has cash/cool h/nice new house and I am struggling. It brings up the whole what is so wrong/bad about me stuff. Why me? Always, why me? <p>I think what really put the cherry on the sundae today was talking to my grandmother. I called to make sure she had a ride to the First Communion, and she starts the whole such a shame stuff. Such a shame that [censored] had his accident, that we couldn't work things out, that I can't take care of him, that he is away from the kids, that he doesn't get his nice salary anymore, that whatever. OK, she is old and set in her ways, and she wasn't there when he tossed the vacuum cleaner at me, so smile and nod cause whatever I say won't really matter anyway.<p>Here I am wondering how I will ever be able to move on. How will I ever be able to have a new relationship when this old one is the 287 pounds that I take to the doctors and the store sitting in my car and house all the time? He has supervised visitation, and I am the supervisor. <p>It isn't like I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I have taken postive steps, am in counseling, and have gotten over myself a lot. I am honestly trying to be happy. Making the choice. But when I look at things even objectively, my life sucks. I have been dealt a bad hand. I believe you only get what you can handle, but still, it keeps coming.<p>Meanwhile, C keeps falling asleep in class, A never sleeps at all, and I am having daily headaches and weekly migranes. The panic attacks have slowed down so I guess I should be thankful, but honestly I am not. <p>I just need a break you know? Not a Kit Kat, not a night out, not a hot bath. I need good things to happen in my life, I need someone to validate me, I need to be loved and love, I need sex, I need money, I need sleep, I need a new script for my headaches, I need to get something right happening here. One little thing good is all it takes for me to get another wind going. <p>Th-th-th-that's all folks.<p>Elizabeth the weary.

Gosh Elizabeth,<p>I hear you. I hear you, and I feel for you! Let's start with some HUGS!!!<p>((((((((((Elizabeth))))))))))<p>You are doing the best you can do with what you have in you at THIS moment. No need to beat yourself up AT ALL. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty with your H, and you're taking care of your kids the very best way you can right now. <p>I have been on the foodstamp route, long before the card -- back when they layed out those bad boys and ripped them out s-l-o-w-l-y, one at a time, until everyone in line wanted to spit on you... I'm so glad you don't have to go through the embarrassment... THANK GOD YOU HAVE THAT monthly!<p>You deserve so much more. I KNOW you're gonna get it... I can't say when... but I know you will... because you have a GOOD HEART, and you are doing what you must right now... for your kids. <p>Will Medi-cal (or whatever you have for medical) cover Imitrix? That's what I take for migraines. It's expensive, and we don't have insurance right now, so I understand. It's $108 for nine tablets. But maybe your coverage will pay for it??<p>By the by, I also have a successful/rich sister who I love/hate sometimes. I think the house on the beach about did me in. <p>Anyway, you're a good woman, and I think you're PRETTY NEATO!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Do you think if I sent a hurricane from Louisiana your way that it would help give you that second wind?<p>After all the help and support that you give all of us, I'm so glad that you gave yourself a chance to vent! <p>I'm guessing that you don't want to hear all that suffering makes you stronger stuff....... But I was just talking to my mom tonight about why God is letting me suffer. Well, we didn't come to any revelations, except that God better have a pretty good reason for all of this, and I know He does - it just doesn't make it any easier for us right now.<p>My oldest is having his first communion too this weekend - should be a moving religious experience with me and WH not speaking to each other, and my son telling me how much he loves WH and hates me and wants to live with WH forever. <p>Anyway - back to you. I just know that things are going to get better for you. God is not going to let this keep you down. He's got something great in store for you. There is always an up after a down. <p>You're such a great person! You've given so much to so many here at MB. Are you sure a Kit Kat wouldn't help? When I feel this way, it's God telling me to give it all to Him, and I do, and I feel better. I'd break my back if I had to carry the load myself. So let Him take the load off. <p>I'll keep you in my prayers tonite. K

Thanks Sheryl,<p>I guess it is one of those days you know? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I am SO glad it is the card not the fake dollars. I would have to drive forever to shop then because in Tinytown everyone is in your business.<p>Done the whole sumatriptans route, even the new one that is a melt in your mouth wafer. I have this little funny heartbeat thing that doesn't agree with that class of drugs. I get a dystonic reaction from compazine, and although oxycodone does the trick I keep having to detox because I don't want a nasty opiate addiction. I do have an appointment with the headache clinic at the University of WI in Sept, it is just the making it till then thing.<p>House on the beach, geez. Maybe Suz isn't so bad after all. I hate it when I have to take off my shoes for her white carpet tho.<p>Elizabeth
You'll have mail tonight.

Thanks K,<p>I know that I should be painfully aware that I should give all this up with all the stuff we have had to do for the FC, but it is one of those things that is so hard for me to do. I'm good at it most of the time, currently reading (again) the S.O. book Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On.<p>Thanks for telling me that I'm a good pal to people here. I admit I use you folks to remind me that I'm not the only one.<p>The hurricane might help. Although I think I'm on my 37th wind right now. They don't run out do they? Hope not because these kids would be in a world of shinola.<p>Your FC will go fine, one on your tit, another not thrilled with you. Sounds like a little slice of heaven. Years later you will look back on this and remind your son when his kids are acting up. You doing a big party? We are doing a little one, considering the situation. Still having a big chocolate cake though.<p>Elizabeth

Elizabeth, I am so sorry that you are going through so much. You sound like an awesome person and I am sure you are. It is so sad that there are so many hurting people that have the same needs and never find each other. If you don't mind me asking, why are you without someone else in your life right now? Is it because of the fact that you have kids or that you are having such a hard time and nobody wants to be bothered? I wish I could meet someone like you, who appreciates the small things in life. My wife is determined that the grass is greener but even that grass will need cut. Now I must move on and hope to find someone whom I can love completely. I pray that your time is near, even this day. Be comforted that you are loved, only you haven't crossed each others path. It is amazing that when you get right down to it, love is all we need. Try to have a nice day. howardsoval@aol.com [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks Herbie and welcome to MB.<p>I am kind of awesome aren't I? Well, as far as having someone else, I have way too much baggage now. Even if the fella brought his own personal bellhop we would never get anywhere cause the stuff is too darn heavy. I did start spending a little time with a guy, but neither of us had bellhops.<p>You are so right. A little love goes a long way.<p>Elizabeth

Elizabeth,
I'm sending more hugs for you.
Thanks for your advice in the past.
God bless you and your family.

Elizabeth
I just know you will see better days soon.<p>Hang in there...I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.<p>MAX

Thanks guys. I really appreciate all the love I get here. Suckin up those prayers too. Can never get enough of those.<p>Elizabeth

Elizabeth, I think you are wonderful, inspiring, terrific, awesome lady. <p>Hope your break comes soon. <p>Hey, I'll even let you have the 1st 1/2 dead old rich man that comes around or I'll share the boy toy if I ever find one. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Elizabeth,
Don't be like Bill Clinton...................Inhale Deeply<p>(((((LOVE)))))<p>You're gonna be absolutely fine [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear Just:<p>No comment just a {{{{{{{justawife}}}}}}}}.<p>All my prayers.<p>Jack<p>It will get better you deserve it.

Thanks guys! I am totally feeling loved here. <p>I did get a little break today! Friends came all the way out to the sticks to check up on me cause they knew I have been down in the dumps. They stopped at the store and got steaks for the grill, I didn't have to do a thing - even dishes!<p>I took a really long shower all by myself and got to shave my legs without anyone looking at me.<p>Then they helped me clean my whole house, laundry and all. My friends H played ball with Chris in the yard, and did the whole male rough housing thing, changed the kitchen light bulb and plungered the toilet. <p>How cool is that. They are sleeping peacefully on the sleeper couch right now, and are taking the kids and I for breakfast tomorow.<p>I am so lucky to have all you guys.<p>Thanks and I love you.
Elizabeth

I hate it when I have to take off my shoes for her white carpet tho.See, that right there tells you something is wrong---only a nut would get WHITE carpet!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Your friends are so cool! And THAT, my dear, is a reflection of you! Only wonderful people attract wonderful friends like that.<p>I think I read it here:<p>A FRIEND will bail you out of jail.
Your BEST friend will be in jail with you, going "Man, that was so great!!"<p>Happy Sunday.

[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]