I haven't posted in a long time. I have finally come to the accepting my wife and I are getting divorce. She was the one that initiated all this. She filed the papers back in Jan. and I have been holding onto them because she wants an astronomical amount of spousal support.<p>She was the one that was having the affair...her 4th in 11 years of marraige, while I have remained faithful the whole time. I finally accepted the fact that it was over at the start of Feb. NOW she is having a problem with me. She moved out of the house and found an apartment. I on the other hand have made contact with an old FREIND (Female) that I knew 14 years ago and we dated a coupl eof times then. She ended up marrying my old roommate and I went on my way. Well, she has been divorced for 3 years and we actually made contact via her EX husband back at the end of FEB. We immediately hit it off and have taken it very very slow. I haven't made physical contact with her yet (May 3rd I am visiting). I don't want to say "she is everything I ever was looking for in a women", that would be very presumpsious of me to feel that way. I admit, I like her, a lot, but I am fine wiuth keeping th edistance between us right now. I am concentrating on my kids right now. <p>My wife all of a sudden has this "vision" so to speak and wants to reconcile. I DON"T WANT TO. She has pulled this crap in the past and it got good for a year or 2 and then it went back to the way it was. SHe is scared to be on her own. <p>My problem I am having is telling her "NO!". Not in the sex arena or anything like that. It is when she wants to come over or me come over there to help her with something. I want to be polite and nice, but it is starting to really bug me.<p>How can you tell someone politely that "You are on your own....do it yourself!"<p>Thanks!<p>
Keith!

"How can you tell someone politely that "You are on your own....do it yourself!""<p>Um... how about "Sorry to hear you're having a problem with <problem>, but you do realize that you are on your own and you need to learn how to do it yourself, don't you?"<p>Sounds like a tough time. I'd be careful with your other friend for now, though. I know that you say you're keeping your distance, but it sounds like you're having romantic feelings for her. Be careful, especially until your D is final. I guess the reaons for doing this is you don't want to do what your W did to you while your M'd, and you don't want to completely close the door on her in the unlikely chance that she really can change her behavior. <p>Good luck to you.

My friend you just have to be honest with her. If you don't want to reconcile with her, tell her.<p>I am in the same position that you are in minus another woman in my life.
I had to tell my WS that it was over between us and that I wasn't coming back. EVER! I told her the only tie that we had was our children and that is as far as it goes.
Yes, I care about what happens to her and wish her no ill will but I have to move on and she just has to realize that. It was at this point (realizing that I was moving on) that she wanted to "try" and see if we could mend our marriage. It's too late for that now. I have moved on emotionally. They just have to come to terms with that. Don't sugar coat anything, it just makes it worse on you and her! I'm not saying that I don't care for her anymore, it's just not my job anymore!<p>
Steve<p>
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Maybe this will help a little.....<p>
Steve

thanks for the responses.<p>2long....as much as I would like to think she can change, she hasn't proven anything in the past. Yes, she has changed for a little while but that fades. She also is dianosed as a BI-POLAR (manic depressive) and that really has taken it's toll on me.<p>My relationship with my freind is just that, a freind. While, I do belive that we have mutual feeling for each other, we have set up boundaries with each other and will make no physical contact until it is right...we have been planning on the 3rd of May, but that is just a goal/target.<p>
Rough...I like your last line...."It's not my job anymore"<p>One reason why I think she isn't truly ready to move on is for the fact that when I have told her that I don't want to work on it, she says "Fine, then I am going to fight for the kids and you don't want to F&*k with me"<p>So...I am confident in my decisions and have made.<p>Thanks for the adice!

Def:<p>"she says "Fine, then I am going to fight for the kids and you don't want to F&*k with me""<p>Okay, that was one major LB!!! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Hard to feel much affection for THAT!<p>I think you're doing the right things!

Def:<p>Your subject line reminded me of a "definition" in an old Mad Magazine:<p>Heave Ho: What you do when you get seasick, and you've eaten too much ho.