I have been away for awhile. At the end of this month it will be 1yr. since my divorce became final. My ex-husband has been begging for reconcilition for months now. <p>For those who don't know, the whole thing was his idea and he left me for another woman.<p>I did pray and pray for this, so why can't I commit fully?<p>We have begun to date and he pretty much asks me daily when we can move back in together and start our lives all over again. What is odd is that I have more issues now and when we are together the pain of him being with another woman and sharing such intimacy with another,is almost to much to bear. I am completely civil with him and don't lash out, I love him and care sooooo much about him. But I wonder if something can be too broken to fix?<p>My XH looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am. He complements me all the time, almost like he is just realizing it. Tells me I am the best person he has ever met, never forsook him, etc.<p>It upsets me. I tell him that I am the same person he met 13 years ago. Why is it that he is just realizing this now. I don't want to be resentful. <p>More later.

Hello REJECTED,
I don't think anything is ever too broke to fix, if both of you want to work on it. Amazing things can happen when you work together. The question you need to ask yourself is "what do I want"? If it is your desire to reconcile, then it is possible. It sounds like you need a lot of healing tho.
I stayed with my H after he had A, forgave him and tried to forget. The problem was I needed help for myself after the affair and didn't get it. I tried to heal on my own and over the years I expected something more from him than he would or could give. Consequently, resentment set in and has just been building over the years, even tho I truly forgave him in my heart. I wasn't aware of EN's, his or mine, nor was he. Had I found this site years ago or received the help I needed to get past the emotional scaring, things may have turned out diferently for us. I suggest you get some professional help with dealing with your feelings etc. I'm not saying you are to blame by any means. It doesn't seem fair that they commit the transgression, then we have to get help, but I think that's how it was, at least for me. I felt like he took something from me, therefore he should make it up to me. Didn't work that way. Now, I no longer care. He tries,(sometimes, but he is very emotionally abusive, and verbally abusive still) but it's like it's too little too late. I can't even blame him for it. I chalk it up to ignorance on both ends.
I am in counseling now, but predict I will be getting a divorce, because right now, that's what I want to do. Just as I am working through my feelings and hangups before I plunge into a divorce, I think it would be beneficial to get help before making a commitment that may be too dificult to handle with emotional baggage.
I have spent countless hours trying to figure out what the "right " thing to do (for me) is. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to make adecission, based on what I want, selfish as it sounds. I can't work on a relationship that I don't want to be in. It's not fair to me or him, regardless of how much he may want it. I'm not sure how he feels or what he wants, he won't tell me. The biggest obstacle we have encountered, was not his A, but a breakdown in communication.
Good Luck on everything.