Hi guys, <p>
My stbx can afford to pay his cel phone.<p>He can afford to go out for entertainment.<p>He can afford to go out to eat often.<p>He can afford his satelite dish TV.<p>He can afford the internet.<p>Why can't he afford to pay child support for his children?<p>Where's his priorities?<p>He says he's doing the best he can. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>4 years ago I lost all respect for my husband as a husband.<p>This year I lost respect for him as a father.<p>I want to communicate in a positive way with him when we see each other and when one of the children has a sporting event, I would like for both of us to sit with the other child at their activities and so forth, but I can't stand the sight of him. I can't stand to be near him anymore. I can't stand this deadbeat dad!<p>I'm sure it would be better to smile and talk nicely to him for the children's sake, but as time goes by I can't.<p>My son needs new shoes, they just signed up for swimming, they need haircuts, they need new clothes. I told STBX he was late on child support and he basically said, "You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip." <p>Today at the game he acted frustrated at me because I wouldn't even look at him. He asked me a question and I was cold and didn't even turn around to answer the question. Every day I get more and more where I just can't stand the sight or thought of him.<p>I know this is bad for the children but the guy is starting to make me want to puke when I think of him. I just can't stand deadbeat parents!
I really thought my stbx would never EVER be one of these. He has always said that he'll pay even more of his share of child support and now he isn't even keeping up with his share.<p>I told my child before he got in the car with his dad that if he needed new shoes, ask his dad to buy them this weekend. I don't know if that was the right thing or wrong thing to do, but I wanted my son to know it's his father, not me.<p>Well, anyway, I do not like this "no respect, can't stand the sight of the kids father feeling".<p>Take care all,<p>ANNA

Anna, <p>I read this earlier and wasn't sure what to say..
I'm still not sure what to say other than I'm sorry things are this way..and I wanted to let you know that I hear your frustration and hurt..<p>And to let you know..you did okay in mentioning to your son about needing new shoes..especially when his dad isn't paying support..you didn't say..
"WELL, YOUR dad is a jerk and isn't paying child support, so I can't afford them" you just said for him to mention to his dad he needs new shoes nothing wrong w/ that..

Anna,<p>Just my opinion, and a suggestion, but they have a way to garnish his pay weekly/mthly so that this can neer happen again, but it takes going to court to sign a patition against him, and fighting the fact.. <p>copy everything, and have all the facts of when he gives each check, and how late, etc.. all the proof you will need for the court case.. keep records. and go asap... it does take time, but it is worth it in the long run..because you just never know, if this is how things are not, how they "may" be down the road.. so this is a means to cover your self, for the kids sake.. <p>call your lawyer, and ask where to go to get this thing started, if you so chosse to try it. they should have all the info for you, on how to go about it.. <p>this is MHO.. up to you of course, but I know a few people that HAD to do this, and it is a blessing, really.. the courts hate deadbeat spouses too.. so they do go after them, if things can be proven.. <p>good luck to you...<p>AV

anna,<p>I don't have much practical advice for you but I can commiserate... In fact, I had to go to court yesterday to have an order for child support issued. Yes, my x has a cell phone, no car payment, he doesn't keep insurance on his car...<p>Last year I asked him to help pay for Girl Scout camp for d. Said, sure, when did she need the money? Well, that date comes and goes and his answer is "I don't have it." SO I told him that I needed him to start helping with her financially. I asked him for $150-200 a month. He said no, I don't deserve child support..and he's going to tell the court 'about me' and see if it thinks I deserve child support. I told him it isn't for me, it's for his daughter. So I said, ok...I'm gonna sue you and hung up. <p>Called the attorney general and it has taken them a solid year to get the order established but you know what? It was worth the wait!! The court rep asked both of us how much we make net...they already knew his because he had to provide tax records..I told her and x says 'she makes more than that'. He thought that that would make a difference in how much he has to pay. The rep said "what does that matter?" He repeated that I make more than what I said. She finally told him it didn't matter. Then he said I was lying, which I wasn't--heck, I'm not stupid..I know what perjury is. He just couldn't grasp that even if I was a millionaire, he'd still have to pay the same. So now instead of the $200 I asked for, he gets to pay $325 per month. What a maroon.<p>AND when the attorney asked him if he thought the child support assessed was in the best interest of the child...can you believe he started to say NO????? <p>You know why the deadbeat parents don't sweat it? Because they know that the parent who loves the kids enough to keep custody of them, will do whatever it takes to get that kid what it needs. That you will do without shoes yourself to make sure your kid has them. So they don't pay and the child is still taken care of.<p>And whether telling him to ask his dad was right or not (and I would and have done exactly the same thing), at least you didn't say 'ask your deadbeat dad' as Thorned Rose said. I hereby absolve you of any fault in this matter. <waving fairy wand around> [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

OMG,
I pray I am never in you are diddallas position, I could go POSTAL (no offense to any postal workers). I agree go to the courts and let them decide. In most states you do not even need to hire an attorney. The state will do it for you.
Just do not discuss it with the X. You go to the sporting events together do not discuss it. Let the state take care of it. No ONE like deadbeat parents, No one. Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers

socrushed,<p>It's okay now...I've even laughed about it--a lot!<p>I even felt sorry for him...he really doesn't have much money and he hired an attorney and the b*tch never showed up in court! I would be furious and I would report her butt to the bar.<p>What gets me is that these 'loving, devoted parents" (while they're fighting for custody that they don't even want--they just want to hurt you) change their tune so quick when money becomes the issue.<p>And, Anna, if you had told me two years ago that my x would ever refuse to help take care of his daughter, I would have said you were nuts. I would have told you that he's a better man than that. HA! After 18 years, he still surprised me.<p>AND what's even better--my 20 yr old son got a job working where x works and x was doing some things that were against company policy and when it came to light, my son took the responsibility so his dad could keep his job. Know how x thanked son? He wouldn't even babysit gs so son could hunt another job. Son and wife and 2yr old gs went 3 months with only about $800 mo income from wife's 2 jobs (if that much), had no food for that time (her gm and I have fed them for months) and eventually were evicted. His dad never offered to help one bit or even asked if they needed help. <p>Wow! Thanks so much! I have struggled for the last year over whether I should sue for support--feeling sorry for him..I make decent money and I am remarried but my now husband isn't responsible for supporting her completely (he does and he's never complained about it --ok, just once or twice said it wasn't right for x not to help). Even the day before court, I prayed and wondered if I was doing the right thing--morally. Now I feel better. Thanks. It helps to talk.

Yes, You did the right thing..by taking him to court...<p>And I know it's not just men who are deadbeat parents there are some women who are too, I used to know one..she used to infuritate me when she'd go out to the bars and blow money she could have sent to her ex for their son..and then GET mad that her son didn't want to talk to her when she'd call him..she'd send a few hundred dollars every few months..but that was so he'd talk to her again..she worked two jobs..lived w/ a man..who paid all her basic living expenses..and she blew the rest of her money at the bars drinking..buying herself new clothes..I quit hanging around her when she moved out from the man's house she was living w/ and got her own place and got deep into drugs.. started into prostitution saying she was earning the extra money to pay her child support..the really sad thing is she didn't use that money for that..I haven't seen or talked to her in years..but it left a big impression on me..
I was only about 18/19 years old at the time..and
when I think of deadbeat parents..I think about her..<p>Her ex tried to take her to court many times to get the child support enforced..and she'd doctor her pay records saying she didn't make as much as she did..and then would say.."men do it all the time" I'd just tell her.."that doesn't make it right, and your son deserves better than that from you" I lost all respect for her..and she couldn't understand why..

I'm sorry he's behaving that way, Anna. I'm in the same boat, as you know. <p>Go through your local child support office to collect. He can complain to THEM when he says he doesn't have the money, while they aggressively collect it for you. That way, you're out of the middle.

Thorned Rose, Numbheart, DidDallas, So crushed and Laura,<p>Thanks for all the wonderful advice.<p>There is garnishment of wages in Texas too. Because we owned our own business and at first he didn't have a job, he had to sent it directly in to them. Now that he's working with someone else he says he sent in the proper information but that was months ago. <p>I told him I am going to call the Attorney General's office next week and turn him in. At this point I don't care if he gets his butt thrown in jail. <p>He told me to go ahead and sue him, if I want to spend the money to get his child support. What he doesn't realize is I don't have to sue him and I don't have to spend any money. All I have to do is turn him into the Attorney General's office and they will make sure the wages are garnished. <p>You guys are right on the way I told my son to ask him. I didn't say your deadbeat dad, but ohhhh was I tempted.<p>TR, Yep, when I put the heading, I was thinking the same thing, it's not just deadbeat dads, there are deadbeat moms, so I put "Deadbeat parents..." It's sad that they don't even understand why people wouldn't want to associate with them.<p>Laura, Your right about me being out of the middle. I am doing just that next week. Also, he emailed me three times this weekend. I haven't and won't respond to any of them. I've totally had it with the guy.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA

Anna,<p>I'm in Texas--Dallas, of course...<p>I went thru the AG and it didn't cost me a dime BUT...it did take them a solid year to get it handled. That was okay by me because the x is already paying 1/2 of a $400 per month debt we made together and it is just now paid off. Since I'm not trying to kill him financially, it dovetailed and the timing seems appropriate to me.<p>While at court Friday, the AG rep told me I could have the CS start now or go back to when the motion was filed in December---well, I had already decided I would not ask for back CS even I could get it--so I said start with April. You think he even had the grace to say 'thanks'--hell no.

My g/f's x quit paying child support back in Nov. He said business is bad and he is no longer taking a paycheck. He is running his parent's business. But this past weekend he was in Annapolis and next month he is going to Mexico. They all involve weekends so it is doubtful business is involved.

rwd,<p>It sounds like your gf needs to contact the AG or Guardian Ad Litem in your state/county and have them take action to get payment or have him arrested.

frankly,
She did notify the CPS and they have suspended his driver's license(he is still driving though). He has also asked the CPS for a review. This will delay things further. <p>She expects that it will be reduced as she now works full time. The CS was awarded based upon her working part-time.<p>[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: RWD ]</p>