W went back to lawyer yesterday to submit payoff of accumilated debt and cost of day care for 3 boys. That's more money that I'll have to pay for something that I didn't ask for. She knows that she is going to have a hard time and now is trying to avoid it by changing her values. She has always put the kids as priority 1, meaning we think about what is most important to the kids. In the beginning it was to be joint custody, now that she possibly may not be entitled to as much child support as she would if she had sole custody, she is changing her mind. She says that she has to be able to live; excuse me, I didn't want this divorce, I tried everything to change the so called problems only to find out that she just don't want to be married anymore. Let's see, she gets the house, the car, half my retirement, can get half of 401k, all furnishings in house, garrage I built, maybe sole custody of kids which ain't going to happen, and all debts paid off. What in the H**L do I get. Two pair of jeans, 5 shirts, 2 pair of shoes, my 1988 car, 401k loan payments for paying off of debt, a 10 x 14 room at my moms, all because of what she want's. Is this right? Don't get me wrong, I will always support my kids, but why should I have to be wrung out and made to fund her dream of being alone? Really all I want is legal joint custody of my kids. In case anybody is wondering, she has been a stay home mom for past 9 years because it was important to both of us for her to be with kids. Now all kids are in school she is back to work only after I made her go full time when she asked me to leave. I was gone a month and giving her my whole check while she only was working 2 days a week. I did more that most would have done. I was ther in the evenings when older boys got home from school and I picked 4 year old up from school when I was off from work. She said she didn't want to upset the boys lives any further by being seperated and her being at work full time. Well, she should have thought about this before she made her decision to end marriage. She wanted her cake and eat it too, it don't work this way. Do you think it will be a dream world for her after divorce? I don't, but she does, wait to reality sets in, The freinds show wont look so good to her anymore. Sorry, just needed to vent. later, herbie out.

Yep, it IS always about money!! Have you gone at least for a consultation with a lawyer. Usually they wont turn papers in etc. unless you "retain" them. BIG fees- at least $1500. BUT, just a consultation where you ask questions should be free. In my state they call it No Fault. Meaning no matter what they consider the breakdown as "irreconsilable differences". If you dont have kids, the only thing that matters is division of the assets and can you two come to an agreement. There will be a status date set to go before the judge about 3 months after file date. Sometimes people are in disagreement, lawyers go & another date is set. Eventually, if no agreement is made, then the judge can decide for you!<p>But alimony "maintenance" is determined by the length of time you were married. My H had this "10 year" chip on his shoulder. But I asked my attorney why is he obsessing about retirement. I guess if after 10 yrs, other spouse can be entitled to half rather than a small portion for a few limited years. But it comes from the agencies and is not out of your pocket or your retirement.? somehow. Dont understand it fully.<p>As for children stuff, I know the parents have to attend a seminar about parenting and divorce & turn in the certificate to the court. The question will be what kind of custody. h's OW and her ex-H have joint, so their child spends 50% each place = every other week and vacation.
Who will be responsible for medical insurance coverage? Looks like you will, the worker.
ALot of women are forced to go out and get a job, especially since SHE is the one who wanted this. Didn't she think it through? If you do pay child support make sure it ends when the child is of age, and that the money is actually for the childs care and not mommy's fun. A relative of mine screwed me out of a trust for me when my parents were deceased. Is the house being put up for sale? Can you agree on splitting up the contents or having an auction & splitting $$. Dont be passive. Get a lawyers advice.<p>My H screamed at me that I was going to fight him & still throws it in my face. I NEVER was. I just didnt want divorce at the time. He dismissed it since & is at home but more mean & cruel & we barely talk. He contstantly blames me for everything. Even the affair (which he denies [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] ) is that I "made him do it, drove him to it"!! AARGH. I wish now I'd signed the darn thing. Id be at peace instead of horrible stress & feeling like I've been hit by a mack truck!! Could you ask that your wife agree to see a counselor for 1 or 2 appointments to "clear the air", (not save the marriage, just figure a few things out). Good Luck.

Amen Brother,<p>Man do you sound like me a year + ago. Yep we had agreed on Joint Physical Custody and property and all this crap. Enter stage left, her lawyer and all was out the window. So what did I do, I faught. I contested every word on every document.<p>In the end, we agreed outside of court on Custody, Property, Debt. Actually, in 4 appearances before the Judge he only had to rule on one arguement.<p>So your choices are to either roll over and take it up the pooch or fight. I say fight for what is in the best interest of the "kids" first and yourself second.<p>Best of luck.