Been Divorced since October 2001..........at christmas we started trying to reconcile......its been on an off emotional speaking.........I know I still love her and she has said the same to me........but recently I have been pulling back..I have my guard up etc....some of the old things that bothered me started coming up again...and the fact that she would not commit to just me........in other words she didn't want to put her life on hold........I can understand htis in someways.....but the thought of her dating at the same time we are trying to reconcile....sort of makes me pull away and hinders my actions.........I decided I wanted to talk to her tonight.........so went by her house.......Surprise!!!! In her drive way, another car, and all the lights were off.......it really hurt..........I called her cell phone....it was off...but I left a message ...I rambled a lot..in a nutshell.....I let it be known I think I am going to have to finally move on..........My brain says yes........but my heart is hurting..........It is going to be a night of no sleep..........I just needed to vent.......anyone else been thru this before?

when my first husband left me he started dating all of my friends....some friends huh? Still in some ways the realization does help you move on...it's like being slapped in the face though and it hurts like hell.

I can't say that I have been in your exact situation but I do agree that the evidence is so incriminating that if you stick your head in the sand and pretend that she is beign honest with you then yes you are a fool.<p>The fact that she has no desire to committ and wants to date other people and wants to reconcile with you is at best ludicrous. She does this because she knows that she can get away with it. Would she like it if you did the same to her? H*** no! She would be accusing you of not beign serious in reconciling with her.<p>Do yourself a favor and listen to your head and move on.<p>Joe

I'm so sorry, Hurting. She's a real Cake Female.<p>Within the aspect of a relationship, I believe the definition of reconciling is a 1:1 proposition, where three's a crowd. Your wife needs a dictionary I think.<p>For now, try your best to look past this and towards your future. The hurt will soon dissapate, and then you can freely move forward without her. She doesn't deserve you. One day she'll regret losing you.<p>Please try and sleep.<p>Love,
Jo

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> but recently I have been pulling back..I have my guard up etc <hr></blockquote><p>I think you have right to feel this way. If she can't commit to only you, she is playing games. She needs to know that she can't have things both ways. Either she wants to be with you, or she can fool around with other men. So I think in terms of MB use Plan B here, if you still want her back.... until she commits to working on the two of you. <p>Until that time, it would do you good to have your guard up. Take care of you.<p>Pantha

Thanks for all your kind words.........
Ironically, She left me two messages this morning mad at me..........that I should talk to her instead of leaving a message. That this guy knows the score..that it is someone to spend time with nothing serious......that if I want her I know where she lives but until then she isn't going to sit around and do nothing....It is funnyt how two people can handle things.....I cqn not even think about dating anyone as I worry about hurting her feelings if she were to find out..........Its funny, she called a few weeks ago.........all upset because she met someone that knew me.....and started accusing me of sleeping with her and yesterday (before the car incident) said when I go out she gets all jealous at the thought I will be with someone...........<p>I guess I just find proceeding forward with her impossible.....as she so easily can start seeing someone ...........If the roles were reversed..........How would she feel? she always expects me to chase after her......and I find I am paralyzed by the fact she is out dating....I trully thinks she expects me to tell her not to date.............and I feel if she were interested in still working it out she wouldn't want to date...........<p>The most laughable thing...........she says don't leave nasty messages anymore..as now I ruined her day...............<p>Hurting

no, i don't thing you are a fool,
just one where feelings are more central than analytical thought.<p>my opinion, suggestion, give her up completely, learn from your mistakes and your contribution to the downfall, and work on making your life as happy as possible without any other person in your life. . . .<p>then you will have stepped back and might be able to decide that your first relationship was not as peaches and cream as you originally thought. . . .<p>do you like to read? if so, read, "If the Buddha Dated," a very good book about dating and seeing red flags to stay away from!<p>good luck
wiftty

Hurting,<p>I went through the same thing with my x, while we were separated, after the om had dumped her she would not commit to not seeing anyone else. <p>A couple days after om dumped her as I was taking the kids to church, we were sitting at an intersection when she and some guy drove buy. She said they were going to church.
A few days later she called and asked to switch picking up the kids till later. Later on as I was running errands I saw the same guy's truck at her apartment, her car wasn't there. <p>She knew this guy from work also and I have met and talked to him a few times. HE had told me he was having trouble in his marriage. I now have noticed him coming out of an apartment instead of his home so I suspect he is separated/divorced now.<p>Meanwhile, om came back into the picture and I gave up and filed.<p>I agree with the others, let her go. Let her approach you on your terms.

Sure is hard...........Even though I know you are all right.........I still love her even after this, my brain tells me I should move on, but my heart is still yearning to make it work...........<p>I wish I could say I know it is over, because I can't take it...but part of me wants to sit down with her again....to determine if the end is a definite.........I have grown quite a bit over the last year or so.....but still need have a ways to go.........one of the bad things is I feel "hardened".....