<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by aanast2:
<strong>I agree about the comment on not pushing. I have been doing that with Plan A sometimes too much. It is my personality though. I have to work on that.<p>I have two questions:<p>1) One of my wife's needs is physical. She loves massages and I rarely gave them to her. Now I give them to her every night (this and a hug every morning before we go to work is all the physical contact we have.) I try to talk and joke with her too (meeting other needs) but I rarely see her except when she comes home to sleep. I enjoy meeting her needs and will continue to do so. My question is that soon the OM will be meeting her physical needs and she won't want me too. What then? I guess keep up with meeting whatever needs I can?<p>2) I don't want to switch to Plan B becasue I fear that the OM can meet all her needs and I will lose her forever. I will continue with Plan A (until I am bankrupt) but my question is how do you keep doing Plan A if the WS:<p>-moves out
-files for divorce
-tries to sell the house
-get separate accounts
-wants BS' help with these.<p>Thanks,<p>-Heartbroken and a bit hopeful</strong><hr></blockquote><p>You can not do plan A forever because of the danger that her account in your love bank will be totally empty and then you will no longer love her or want the marriage. You plan B because her account is almost empty and you want to protect the love that is left from any further withdrawls.<p>The things you fear may or may not happen but the thing that you have to do is face your fear and not let it control you. Your actions have to be the result of your rational side and not your emotional side.<p>If you control your fear, anger, and sadness, you are in a much better position of 'acting on' opportunities than 'reacting to' her actions, and avoiding any actions that might sabotage your efforts to save your marriage.<p>Joe

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I agree about the comment on not pushing. I have been doing that with Plan A sometimes too much. It is my personality though. I have to work on that. <hr></blockquote><p>Aanast, you received great advice from Joe and Desiree, I will only add a comment :<p>- You should not be pushing in either Plan A or Plan B, give her space to figure things out on her own time, You can still do Plan A without pushing and giving her space. I know this is hard, I did not do it too well, but just remebmer that by giving her space you will be helping her to come back. Please trust me on this, I wish I could redo my Plan A, I was so emotionaly needed, I wanted more than anything to just speak with her and broke down some many times. I believe that if I would have her back now if I had just given her the space. You will probably find that the emotional lows come in waves, when one hits you try to distract yourself, in time they will become less frequent and less intense. You may also want to talk to a doctor about an anti-depressent, they really help me and helped me not to LBs.
Keep up the good work.
Dave

RMA - <p>Thanks for the response.<p>quote------
I'm meeting some her physical needs. My question is that if she gets physical with the OM and she wants me to stop touching her. What then? I guess keep up with meeting whatever needs I can?<p>RMA answer: When and if that happens, then you will likely be in plan B. That would force the OM to meet ALL of her needs.....IF he can.
quote--------<p>So does that mean WS chooses Plan B and not BS? If that happens can't I still be in Plan A or should I switch to Plan B even if I don't want to?<p>
Joe-<p>Thanks for the advice. I realize that, but it is still fear nonetheless. I think all of us on here who want our marriage to work fear losing our spouses. I think it is normal, but you are right I have to face it so it does not control me into LBing.<p>davepr-<p>Thanks for the reply. I am fully aware that being pushy is bad. I guess the two problems with it are a) I am a pushy person. It is my nature and I'm trying to change it. and
b) my wife is the "out of sight, out of mind" type of person who, given too much space, may forget about me.<p>I haven't had a big low in awhile but I have had some ups. I am definately on a rollercoaster.
Yesterday, my wife came home early for a change which was exciting for me (not that I was thinking everything would be magically better but the main reason being that I honestly enjoy her company and friendship) However, I did become very sad when she told me she loves the OM, she was sorry for ruining my life, and she wants a divorce to my face. I did not let the sadness cause a LB though. She was shocked that I wasn't angry.<p>Today I thought I wouldn't see or hear from her but she left me a note about where she would be. Then she called me to tell me the same thing. Made me go hmmm? <p>Also, I'm finally going out to do something that I enjoy (for the first time in awhile) I'm going to see the Spiderman movie with her family (brother, sis, cousin - they are practically my only family and friends.) Anyway, I mentioned this to her the other day and asked her if she wanted to go. Of course she said no. Well on the phone today she mentions that she may or may not go. Also made me go hmmm... I doubt she'll go but I guess maybe she is confused or feels guilty and is telling me these things. <p>Additionally, I'm going out tomorrow with coworkers for a retirement dinner. She was invited but of course is not going. I reminded her that I would not be home tomorrow because I was going. She replied that she would stay home and rent movies. <p>I guess she feels obligated to tell me where she will be because she had dinner with the OM/coworker one evening last week (second time she's told me that they've met outside of work) and only "confessed" to me last night. I'm not sure what to make of this conversation. But I'm not going to make much of it and get my hopes up. I'm guessing she is confused, feels guilty, is bored, and is waiting for a divorce before she acts on her feelings with the OM (because that is what he wants.)<p>Sorry to ramble, I'm hungry so I better go eat dinner (I've lost 20 pounds in month unintentionally.)<p>Thanks,<p>Heartbroken yet hopeful

Hey Frank, how are things going?<p>A lot of people here (99.99%) stick with their vow of forsaking all others despite their WS breaking his/her vow, and that is great but very few have ever stated the practical wisdom behind it.<p>Having a relationship so soon after another is always a bad idea. Whether your married (affair) or just divorced (rebound) there needs to be a period of time (a year at least) for mourning the passing of the last one and for a healthy relationship to develop without the emotional baggage of the previous one.<p>Another reason is that after the death of any relationship, both individuals need to analize what went wrong and what s/he did to contribute to the destruction of the relationship. In other words, deep soul searching is needed to avoid repeating the same mistakes and ending the next relationship the same way as the last one.<p>That is why affairs (and rebound relationships) are doomed to fail because they ignore that basic truth.<p>The worst betrayal that a WS committs is not against the BS but to him/herself.<p>Joe

aanast,<p>You wrote:
"So does that mean WS chooses Plan B and not BS? If that happens can't I still be in Plan A or should I switch to Plan B even if I don't want to?"<p>RMA answer: As someone, Frank1000 I think, wrote, many BS are still honoring their vows while the WS has a PA with the OP. If this happens to you, you will quickly learn that you can only do Plan A so long. The affair begins to really take it's toll on you at this point. Many of us only ever had to deal with the PA, not an EA.<p>I do think you should get some expert counselling, too. Especially if things are not into a PA yet. Your W might truly be swung back into your arms by a great Plan A. <p>You will decide to do a Plan B or not. Of course, your W might decide on her own to sever all contact with you and thus force a Plan B upon you. Don't beat yourself up too much over it all. Just try to concentrat on being the best person you can be. You have the most control in that arena, alone.<p>RMA

I am divorced now and have moved on with my life. I am now involved with another woman and my my xWW has been approaching me with declarations of love and regret ad nauseum. I have no feelings of love for her that I had when we were married, but sadness for the situation she now finds herself in that is the product of her own making.<p>Aanast I just wanted to say that the worst betrayal that a WS committs is not to the BS but to him/herself.

Joe

RMA-<p>Thanks for the advice. I will probably call the Harleys tomorrow. I hope to get my WS back before anything goes physical. Even though she says she knows she wants a divorce or is moving out I can tell she is confused. She told me she was lonely yesterday. We were physically intimate today but later she told me that it was wrong because her heart belongs to someone else.<p>One of my wife's needs is a lot of attention. I didn't give it to her and that it partly why we are in the mess. I'm concerned that by me being the best I can be in Plan A and not LB (calling her and trying to spend more time with her) that she will forget about me; she is the "out of sight out of mind" type. <p>Joe-
Thanks for the comment.<p>I have thought a lot about your comment "the worst betrayal that a WS committs is not to the BS but to him/herself." I truly believe this. While I am lonely and miss terribly my WS (so many things but especially her company/friendship), I know I have not broken our vows and am not the one "messed up". I feel sorry for my WS knowing that one day she will regret this and want to reconcile/reconnect with me and it may be too late and I'll have healed and moved on. She has said that she wonders about that too but needs to be independent and make her own mistakes. She's even said that she has never really suffered in life so maybe she needs too. ?I know, sounds crazy to me too.?<p>Anyway, I hope none of this happens and it all works out for both our sakes. I love her.<p>-Heartbroken yet hopeful

Frank, we have not heard from you in a couple days, how are things going?<p>Take care,
Dave

I don't have an ISP at home so I only post during the week from work...<p>Well, WS went away for the weekend and I had a good idea what happened [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I kept busy with the kids all weekend but Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings (when I started making dinner 5 or 6 o'clock) I had some bad crying attacks because I knew what WS was up to...<p>Sunday afternoon the kids & I looked at houses and I think I found one. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sunday evening WS roommate called and asked if WS had told me when she would get back in town. "No," I said. "All WS told me was she may was going to the rugby alumni party -- but I know WS is going to see OM. You can tell WS that I take the kids to school tomorrow and I will see WS at the consuling session in the morning."<p>This morning (Monday) I got a phone call while I was getting kids ready for school. The caller ID said it was OM [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It was WS and she told me she wasn't going to be coming to the consuling session this morning. (Obviously since WS was 5 hours away). WS said she a good time fishing over the weekend and then asked to speak to kids. <p>I talked with WS after she talked with kids. I told her that I had found a house Sunday and that I needed to protect myself financially (the state we live in mandates that WS sign on my house until we are divorced -- and WS can then get half of my new house when we divorce). WS said she would file and said she was sorry.<p>I wanted to talk to OM but WS wouldn't let me (I just wanted to tell OM that he has no honor or character because he couldn't/wouldn't come clean in Feb when I talked with him -- it would have helped me begin moving on then). WS then hung up the phone.<p>Well I cried a bit and took the kids to school and then made my consuling appointment. <p>I guess it truly is over and I have decided to reclaim my freedom today and to begin healing myself. <p>I will tell WS that she can't see the kids in the mornings -- I will take them to school and WS can begin living her life without them. Originally, I was willing to allow joint custody (one week with me and the next week with WS) but no more. I will fight for full custody and WS can move away and persue her relationship with OM. <p>I feel so much anger plus relief because of her phone call. I' m angry because WS "rubbed my nose in it" by calling but also relief because I realize that it is over; that I've tried to reconcile our marriage and I have no regrets because I have tried my best (albeit too late) but WS wants what she wants.<p>I can't control WS and am tired of the hurts she has caused. I am resigned to the fact we will be divorced but I look forward to building my life anew and to heal myself beginning today.<p>I will continue posting but I am not hopeful anymore [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care and God Bless <p>Frank1000<p>The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step.<p> -- Buddhist saying

Hi Frank, sorry things are not going to well. Take a few days to think things over before you decide it is really over. I am not sure you should give up yet, but this is your decison, only you know when enough is enough. It is good that you will be able to look back and know that you did everything that you could do to save the marriage and have no regrets about that.. If you do decide to continue to work on it, I think you need to go to a very strict Plan B and set up alot of boundries.
This is exactly where I am at and I think it is starting to work on her... Here is what I have done:
1) No contact when we exchange the children ( I open her apt door, kiss them good bye and send them in. same when she drops off.<p>2)I don't call her unless it is an emergency. If my d wants to talk on the phone, I dial and hand the phone to her.<p>3) I don't accept any calls from her, they all go into voice mail, if d calls and wants to talk, I call back and d usually answers, if not I ask to speak to d but no other conversation.<p>4) I am friendly if we have contact but limit the discussion. No LBs.<p>5) No Financial support - I cut her off insurance coverage and terminated her alimony payments.<p>6) No emotional support - if she is having an issue, I am not there to support her any more.<p>7) No gifts, cards, I love you, I miss you, etc.<p>8) No calling family members or talking to mutual friends about her, OM, or our relationship.<p>9) We e-mail regarding the childrens schedule only.<p>I think it is time to really show her what life will be liked if you are divoced. I am not sure what I would do with the MC, maybe others can give some advice, mabye IC would be better??<p>I use to get very upset when I knew that my stbxw was with OM, now I have a different view, I am fairly certain their A is going to fail, the more time they spend together the more chances to LB and the sooner it is going to fall apart. I am now happy to hear when they are spending time together, it is just one step closer.<p>Hang in there,
Dave

I guess the only hope I have is Plan B.<p>I talked with my FIL yesterday (sunday) and he basically told me that I needed to protect myself financially and that if he was in my shoes, he would file for D.<p>I also talked with WS roommate and she said that enough is enough, that WS has been moved out now 8 weeks and she ain't coming back. I need to move on. Roommate also said that how can you put up with what's WS doing -- I would have kicked her out long ago. Roommate also says that WS loves OM; always has and that I need to just move on.<p>Another bit of info: WS has always said she had feelings for OM all during our M. WS was going out with OM when I met WS; however, OM was not good for WS then -- he was running around on her then and could not admit that he loved her. <p>Right now, my WS loves OM and wants to be with him. WS says it was a mistake to marry me and that OM is the love of her life and her soul mate. Hard to argue with that (which I don't).<p>It is because my WS has always had feeling for OM that I feel little hope in a Plan B although I guess I will try a Plan B because I have nothing left to lose except for more time. While I Plan B I will be truly moving on but I will think about it for a few days before I decide on Plan B or file for D. <p>If WS files I guess Plan B becomes moot.<p>Thanks again and God Bless<p>Frank1000<p>
Beware! Don't always be wishing for what you don't have. For real life and real living are not related to how rich we are.<p>Luke 12:15

Frank, you can do Plan B wither she files for D or not.. that is your choice... <p>Yes, we know your WS has feeling for OM, she may think she loves OM,etc, etc, we have all heard that, it is fog talk, leave her alone (Plan B) and see what happens.. the grass is not always greener, sometimes you have to just let them go and let them find out, if you end of divorced then you did everything you could do. There is a chance that a good Plan B may work, if not, then you have improved yourself and have already let a part of her go. Think about it.
Dave

Another tidbit I unearthed today...<p>Talked with WS girlfriend's husband (who WS got into an arguement last weekend before returning home) and he said that WS has to find out if relationship with OM is real and can work -- but WS is afraid that if it doesn't work out, that WS has given up a lot (everything?) to pursue that relationship. WS still cares about me (maybe even still loves me) but she HAS to know about relationship with OM. <p>WS is also angry because it took her having the affair/leaving me to wake me up from my stupor and begin trying to change. <p>I know I have learned many lessons like to really listen (or actively listen) and to take what others say to heart rather than disregarding them and hoping that other person will get over it or come to their senses.<p>WS respects me and has said nothing but positive about me for awhile to her friends and family so I know Plan A is having an influence plus it shows that again WS still cares for me (She has told me this a couple of times and that she also respects me and thinks I'm a man of integrity).<p>All this just confuses me but it does tell me that:<p>1. WS must pursue the relationship until she is satisfied (one way or the other)<p>2. WS still has feelings for me but whether they are enough for her to want to come back (if OM doesn't work out) I don't know; but this makes me feel bad though because I guess I'm playing second fiddle to OM. (ie, willing to WS second choice)<p>3. I question myself as to why I want to be with someone who doesn't love me (consulor asked same question last week).<p>Talking with my friend has given me some hope though, but only if I want to endure more suffering while WS investigates her relationship with OM. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>What's strange is I ran at lunch (as usual) and I prayed during my jog (again as usual). When I asked for guidance on the house I liked, I was told that I should buy it. When I asked whether I should stay or file for D and move on, my answer was "Search your heart for your answer."<p>Well, I was hoping for more guidance than that but I will pray a lot tonite and look inward for my choice -- Truthfully, right now I'm conflicted because I don't KNOW what I should do. I just need to find time after the kids go to sleep and just try to get to a peaceful state and look inside myself for my answer. If I have a clear head and examine my motives, needs and reasons (maybe even make a list or write it out) then I believe I will have my answer.<p>Finally, I got 6 hours of sleep last nite -- the most since WS moved out so maybe I'm making progress. Hopefully I'll get another 6 (or more) hours tonite!<p>Take care, God Bless and say a prayer for my family (WS included) and me.<p>Frank1000<p>The integrity of the upright shall guide them...<p> Proverbs 11:3

Dave,<p>I was in the middle of writing my previous post when you added your comments so let me reply here...<p>You're are right, Plan B can be done whether WS files or not (or if we are divorced).<p>I am giving WS all the space she needs (the time part I'm guess I may not be but I guess if I don't file and tell her that I trust her not to screw me on my new house then she doesn't need to file either)<p>Although I feel WS will file because she wants to be single again to pursue OM without others continually judging her (you're still married and shouldn't be doing these things until you are divorced)<p>I do feel that I have begun to let her go so WS can find things out for herself but also so I can try to minimize my hurt.<p>I am still stuck between a rock and a hard place but I know He will give me an answer tonite (but I also have to do my part and look deep into my heart). [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Take care, God Bless and say another prayer for my family and I.<p>Frank1000<p>
And we urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men.<p> 1 Thessalonians 5:14

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Frank1000:
<strong>WS respects me and has said nothing but positive about me for awhile to her friends and family so I know Plan A is having an influence plus it shows that again WS still cares for me (She has told me this a couple of times and that she also respects me and thinks I'm a man of integrity).</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm not sure that this conclusion is completely justified, Frank. Perhaps your wife feels guilty enough about her actions that she is not willing to compound her guilt by speaking badly about you. Perhaps she is trying to redeem herself by her "kind" words.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>1. WS must pursue the relationship until she is satisfied (one way or the other)</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Baloney. There's no "must" about it. She has a choice. Every step of the way, she has a choice.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>2. WS still has feelings for me but whether they are enough for her to want to come back (if OM doesn't work out) I don't know; but this makes me feel bad though because I guess I'm playing second fiddle to OM. (ie, willing to WS second choice)</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I appreciate the "feeling bad" part. That's inevitable. But the competition for first chair is rigged, Frank. Fantasy always looks more appealing than reality, despite the fact that in the long run it's never as satisfying.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>3. I question myself as to why I want to be with someone who doesn't love me (consulor asked same question last week).</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Since you seem to appreciate Scripture, here's a couple more verses for you: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25) "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)<p>I wonder how Jesus would have answered the counselor.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>When I asked whether I should stay or file for D and move on, my answer was "Search your heart for your answer."<p>...If I have a clear head and examine my motives, needs and reasons (maybe even make a list or write it out) then I believe I will have my answer.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Notice something, Frank? Your answer was to search your heart. But you are talking about searching your head.

Frank,<p>Too bad your w can't talk to my x. She said almost the same exact things. om was her soulmate, she just had to see to where this lead, everybody told she was crazy, but sometimes you just have to follow your heart.<p>So much for her soulmate, he ran back to his x wife and her heart has lead her to a heap of problems.<p>Hopefully your wife will wakeup before she travels the route my x did.<p>Hang in,<p>Bob

Frank, A couple of things to consider..<p>I question myself as to why I want to be with someone who doesn't love me (consulor asked same question last week)<p>Because you Love Her and she is confused, she doesn't know who she loves and doesn't love including herself. So if it takes you a year or two or even three to get this all worked out, what is a couple years compared to another 40 years of being happily married to the person you love?
Just 5% right, a small price I would think.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I know I have learned many lessons like to really listen (or actively listen) and to take what others say to heart rather than disregarding them and hoping that
other person will get over it or come to their senses.<hr></blockquote><p>Great, so if you are able to work things out then you marriage should be better than before. I have also learned this valuable lesson. Another reason not to give up too quickly.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>WS respects me and has said nothing but positive about me for awhile to her friends and family so I know Plan A is having an influence plus it shows that
again WS still cares for me (She has told me this a couple of times and that she also respects me and thinks I'm a man of integrity). <hr></blockquote><p>Another point on your side, now let her see the OM for what he really is...the truth will always come out... just give it time.<p>I will pray for you and your family tonight, hang in there it is getting better, you are stating to sleep better, that is a great sign.<p>I have been exactly where you are at, sometimes is seems hopeless but it is a roller coaster... I am gaining more and more confidence that my stbxw A is coming to an end, I can feel it... the big question is what direction will she go in WHEN it does end.<p>God Bless,
Dave

Last nite I was torn between staying or moving on so I called my MIL to verify a few things...<p>MIL stated the following:<p>1. WS has been constantly positive in her comments about me (not one bad word about me)<p>2. WS says that she can't be with me right now (implying that MAYBE she can be with me later)<p>These were important points to me before I could/would consider my decision.<p>MIL felt that if I could wait for WS that the A would peter out within two or so months.<p>After I talked with MIL, WS called from work and wanted to talk to the kids because she missed them. I told WS that they were playing at the park (half a block from our house) and couldn't talk.<p>WS wanted to come by after work to see them but I told her not to come by because it would probably be too late and if it wasn't it all that would happen is that the kids would get jacked-up from seeing her and it would take longer for them to go to sleep. (Plus I was being a little crappy --I felt maybe WS needed to stay away a little longer to get a taste of what things will be like if we are D since we have been talking about joint custody with the kids being with me one week and then with WS the following week).<p>Later that nite, I put the kids to bed and then I prayed and examined my heart <p>(GnomeDePlume - You were right, I was letting my head cloud my heart)<p>I tried to seperate my mind from my heart and I got my answer which was...(I let you know at the end of this post)<p>This morning WS came over very early (almost 45 minutes early -- I hadn't even finished eating breakfast much less shower and dress [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>WS said that she was sorry for calling me from OM house. I told her it would have been better to not have called at all and that WS didn't need to tell me that she was going to the rugby gathering (read "see OM") because both of those things hurt me. I also told her I was angry about it and what was going on.<p>WS replied that I had hurt her too and that at least I was showing some emotion by telling her I was angry.<p>I replied that I thought it was weak that when I told WS that I was angry (and why) that she should take offense all of a sudden because I was sharing my feelings with WS. Besides WS was asking if I was angry and when I told her I was she was bothered by it. (The fog I guess)<p>WS said that she felt I wanted a D and I replied that No I don't want a D but I was advised to get a D to protect myself financially when I buy the new house. I added that I did trust WS not to screw me on the new house if/when we D.<p>WS then said that she still loved me and that she loved OM and that she needed to find out if the other relationship is what she needs/wants and if it is real. I told her I knew that I would wait and give her time to figure it out.<p>WS began to cry and said she is scared because it might not pan out and WS knows what she is giving up with us. WS said she isn't ready to give up on our relationship. I told her I was not ready either.<p>We hugged and WS revealed more...<p>WS said that she asked OM to do two things (when they talked two weeks ago):<p>1. OM needs to call her at least once a week<p>2. WS wants OM to tell her he loves her<p>WS admitted that OM hasn't done either [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>WS asked if OM was seeing someone else and OM was evasive and wouldn't look her in the eye when he answered WS.<p>WS admitted a few more tidbits that have given me some hope but the details are not important.<p>I did tell WS that I am being strong for myself and the kids and that I am steeling myself for whatever happens (that I will be fine with or without WS)<p>WS is on call tonite plus a visitor from out of town (WS roomate's friend) is staying at WS place and it is crowded over there. WS wants to see the kids this nite and I offered WS the option of spending the nite at our house. WS agreed to stay but added that I shouldn't get any false hope from it and that I shouldn't make a big deal out her staying tonite. <p>I told WS that I won't.<p>What WS revealed to me has given me hope and has helped ease my being because last nite I knew my heart told me to stay with WS and not move on (at least too much).<p>I was tempted to begin Plan B but right now I guess I will wait and just continue Plan A. I am feeling optimistic this morning but I'm not going to get too high from this but am looking at this as a first step toward rebuilding our M.<p>Finally, I gave WS the book SAA and asked her to read it. WS said she would try but she doesn't have much time for anything. WS was sincere about trying to read the book and I won't pressure her or bring it up again for a couple of weeks.<p>Take care, God Bless and continue to pray for my family (my WS, my kids, myself and both families)<p>Frank1000<p>...but with God all things are possible.<p> Matthew 19:26

Frank, this all sounds very positive but know there are going to be ups and downs from here so don't get yourself hurt. Sounds like she needs space and time to figure things out on her own. My money is on you if you can wait it out.<p>Take care,
Dave

Dave,<p>Your're correct -- I'm still on the rollercoaster but I'm not (I hope) going to get hurt with the next plunge.<p>You were also right -- I don't need to make any hasty decisions, I need to think about things for a day or three before I decide (as you suggested yesterday to wait before deciding on moving on or not)<p>I mean, I don't think I can hurt more than I did yesterday after taking her call from the OM's house! I felt so much intense pain after that call but I was over it within a half hour and had a good rest of the day.<p>I continually put everything in His hands because the pain, hurt and burden of it all is too much for me and the only thing keeping me going is my trust in Him and my just continually giving Him my pain, hurt and burden.<p>The call was unexpected and it hurt greatly and again if something unexpected comes up I will place it on His shoulders because I know I can't bear it. I guess it is part of His plan for me to grow and learn to trust Him more (which I believe I am)<p>I plan to wait it out because I think I have glimpsed some cracks in the A and only time will weaken it more and bring it crashing to the ground.<p>Take care and God Bless<p>Frank1000<p>
Let the wise listen and add to their learning.<p> Proverbs 1:5