Hello. I'm wondering if anyone out there can offer me any advice. My husband of 5 years asked me for a divorce last week. Although there were problems (his alcohol abuse and lack of sex drive), I didn't see it coming. He has always told me I'm his angel and is constantly telling me how much he loves me and how crazy he is about me. Just 2 weeks prior to this we were talking about a move and starting a family. We never bicker and rarely disagree. The only explanation he has given me is to tell me "It's not you, it's me." He tells me "I'm perfect" and that it's killing him to hurt me, but he doesn't think he can make me happy. I've never once told him i'm unhappy (but the drinking is a serious problem). He refuses to consider counseling and says his decision is final. Yet I see the pain and tears in his eyes and it's killing me to see his pain as much as it is to feel my own. He says he needs to "fix himself" and he has to do it alone. He says it's going to take years before he feels he can get to that place and he doesn't want to waste my time because he knows i want children. (i'm 33). He swears he is doing this for me. This is KILLING me. I don't know what to do. I can't get my arms around what is happening to us and why. I believe this all stems from his childhood in which his father abused his mother and then left while he was a young child. His alcoholism is in the form of a "binge drinker" where he gets very drunk about one night a week. He's always the "happy drunk". I've been reading that the humor is a developed skill to cover the hurt and rejection within. I'm desperate to save my marriage. Is there any hope???? Please somebody help!

Welcome ItsNotYouItsMe...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>Check out some of the older posts below...<p>H is an alcoholic and some on Alcoholic's board say to not put up with affair now what?...bc...6/7/2000
Help for betrayers/abusers...TheStudent...10/14/2000
Therapist says H deals with his Alcoholism, or there is no chance for getting out of...burnedspouse...1/3/2001
Anyone out there dealing with substance abuse as well as affair?...LetSTry...2/15/2001
Can someone help me understand alcoholism?...gsd...5/25/2001<p>They are from the frequently referenced Notable Posts/Threads.<p>Do consider couseling for your self...
..even if your H won't start.<p>You're not alone.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR