It appears that this website is geared toward BS's, which is cool because I have gotten to know up close and personal what you go through as a BS, I am in search of a website for WS's who want to try to save their M after doing such a disgusting, humiliating, shameful thing such as Adultery, I admit that I just did not get what the Lord expects when M vows are taken, I love my W, so much yet I did what I did to her, and the aftermath is something that I could not have imagined in my wildest dream. I am in counseling and the counselor even suggested today an antidepressent for my depression. She mentioned Zoloft and if anyone out there is familier with that drug let me know. I hurt so much for the pain that I have caused my family and my W will not speak to me and it is driving me crazy. I am not ready to file for D, but everything looks as if she will be doing it any day now, please if you know of any websites that cater to WS/s let me and others like me know.
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Needing,<p>I answered on the GQII board but I will answer here. There are many WS's here and we can only assume they are here for help rebuilding their marriage. There are other sites that 'cater' to WS's but those actually encourage them and I don't think that's what you are looking for.<p>I think it is good that you take responsibility for your actions but you don't have to kick yourself around all the time. Your wife is hurting and sometimes it takes a long time for that to subside enough to be able to talk. I'm pretty sure that your affair had little or nothing to do with her (as a reason) but your actions have shaken her self-esteem and her security and for that she is angry. <p>Counseling is a great step, though I'm not sure about medication. I think you should see a psychiatrist and let him make that determination--that is his forte after all. I have taken Zoloft (I'm supposed to be taking it now--shhh, don't tell my doctor)--it has some undesirable side effects for me, extreme nausea for the first couple weeks and it inhibits my ability for sexual fulfillment. I mean, I have the want to but can't quite get off the launching pad if you know what I mean. It does, however, give me a much more elated feeling faster that Welbutrin...but Welbutrin doesn't make me sick. So...I say see a medical doctor---I prefer the psychiatrist because that his specialty.<p>Frankly, everything on this site can help you. Read about Plan A, read the forums, read everything here. I don't think it matters if you are bs or ws. If you are trying to save your marriage, this is a great place to be.<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: franklymydears ]</p>

Needing Advice,<p>I was a WS, and I don't know of any other boards
and haven't looked for any others..<p>Even as a WS I have found support here on this board..they are a wonderful group of people..<p>My marriage ended..but I have still gained a lot of insight about myself, and what marriage should be like from reading and posting here..to where if I ever make that step again..I'll be better prepared..<p>I am assuming you told your spouse about your Affair?? So now you want to know where to go from there..<p>1. Be honest with your spouse about everything..
even little things..if you go to the store and run into a friend..tell your spouse..doesn't matter who the friend is..tell them anyway...<p>2. If you say your going to be home at a certain time..BE HOME!!! <p>3. If you say you will do something..DO IT!!!<p>KEEP YOUR WORD!!! Yuor actions will speak louder and carry more weight than words will..<p>I don't know much about Zoloft, but I took Welbutrin for depression..so I really can't help you there..<p>Go over the En's and figure out what yours are..
and ask your spouse to go over them and find out theirs..and discuss them..most spouses have different top five needs so don't get discouraged if yours don't match...<p>Figure out why you chose the affair -- what was it you were looking for in the affair that you didn't find in your marriage?? Your wife may not understand because she didn't realize there was a problem...but you can discuss these things w/ her if you try..let her know how sorry you are for hurting her..unfortunately you can't promise to NEVER hurt her again..but you can promise to treat her with respect..<p>If she has questions about the OW answer those questions as honestly as you can and realize no matter how you answer those questions they will
hurt your wife..<p>BE HONEST!!! And don't blame her for your affair..
it was your choice..she didn't force you into it..
true, she may not have been meeting your needs but you made the choice to look elsewhere..<p>If you haven't..then have yourself tested for any std's and aids and such..not just for your peace of mind..but if you've also had sex w/ your wife during this time..for her peace of mind..go on your own and get this done..let her see you are taking the initiative..<p>again..KEEP YOUR WORD!!! BE HONEST AND OPEN!!
Let Your actions speak louder than your words..

Needing advice,<p>This site does have more bs's but ws's can benefit so much too.<p>Here's some links to click on...<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=34&t=005023<p>I suggest you start reading and also perhaps try to persuade your wife to counsel with the Harleys here. I have heard so many people on MB say they are the best.<p>Also, there's a book that I have heard helps you and the bs. It's called Surviving an Affair. Read, read, read.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA

NA,
You may try going to Barnes and Nobles, look in the Divorce and Self-Esteem section..

I just found out that my W had inquired about the book "Love Must Be Tough" I hope that this is a sign that she is having second thoughts about getting D. I love her so much and the not communicating is killing me. I know that it must be like this to get better. I am willing to tell her everything that she wants to know if we should ever get to that point.

Needing Advice, there are WS here. I am one in recovery. <p>I remember well feeling awkward first coming here and fearing "WS Bashing" which with my fresh guilt and pain I thought I saw a lot of...I think I was extremely sensitive and also having been here over a year off and on, notice it can go in spurts...seems like there is a fairly healthy group posting these days.<p>It is so hard to forgive yourself and I still wish I could undo my A. Give yourself time. As others have advised, don't beat yourself up.<p>I'd be pleased to write to you if you want. Buildnewlife@yahoo.ca Totall your call. I have a job that keeps me busy most of the time so there are times I stay away from the board but I really want to help others who are hurting and check my personal email daily.<p>It seems so hard to believe but you will get through this. Honestly, "one day at a time" is how you will do it..sometimes it will be five seconds or five minutes at a time.<p>You cannot change the past, my friend, but you can forgive yourself, learn from the mistakes and choose a new and better path. I pray your W will relent from the decision to divorce. Miracles happen here all the time. (That's another bonus here--so many powerful praying people asking God to help you!) We certainly can't make guarantees and sometimes people here find courage to recover in the face of rejection and divorce. <p>We are here for you.

Thanks!