Talked with my STBXH this morning when he came to pick up the kids...(first time he's seen them ....for more than an hour in a long...LONG..time). He started talking to me about money and how we should act like we will be divorced on May 1st. He wants me to change the mortgage and my retirement account to my new bank account and he will still pay everything. It just doesn't bother him. He is so sure of himself. He has chosen the stupid OW and he is happy with it. I guess the brand new house and her having the money to finance it by herself....well that must help. <p>I guess I am just feeling a little sorry for myself today. He is throwing out a 22yr relationship and it doesn't metter to him. It's like I meant nothing to him. I still wonder how he can bedoing this...how he can not see his kids everday.....and actually know what is going on with them. How can he feel this badly about our relationship? How come he didn't try? <p>I feel like maybe he has mad the right choices for himself...maybe he will be happy with OW...maybe I have been the B*tch for all of these years. The fear of being alone os hitting me. Where the heck am I going to meet someone. I will not do the bar thing.....I am too old for this.<p>I'm just not feeling very good about myself today. I have been trying so hard. It has been 9 months....I thought that I was doing so good. This seems to be a little setback today and I a m not even sure why.<p>Thanks for listening<p>Max

He's either way off lost in the fog or he's lying...nobody is not affected by a divorce. <p>Maybe OW can pay house by herself, whatever...but believe me, it's not paradise over there no matter what he leads you to believe. Problem is that there are some people who would rather die than admit they were wrong/screwed it up. Maybe he's one of those. My x is.<p>ANd remember, you're not alone. You have us. Always.<p>{{{{hugs}}}}

Thanks so much. I don't quite know what set me off today with these really depressing thoughts!
I got out of the house for a little while and I am actually going to a barbecue tonight for a little while.....keeping busy does make me feel a bit better. <p>I have said from the beginning....he will never admit to me that he is wrong. If he does...these past 9 months will be an embarrasment for him....he is so "out there" that he doesn't realize he should be embarrased by his behavior now. The example he is setting for the boys...2 teenagers...it is so disappointing.<p>Thanks again for posting.
M

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>....he is so "out there" that he doesn't realize he should be embarrased by his behavior now....</strong><hr></blockquote><p>FSA,
Oh, these words hit a "chord" with me, as I am on a similar "time-line" as you are. Our stories are almost identical, too!<p>Only diff? My H's children (from previous M of 3 yrs!!) are grown, and they lived w/us for a few yrs when they were teens.<p>I would have answered with an answer very similar to what you were told by "Frank" - so I guess it is good advice for me to take, too!<p>Everyone is always saying, "Things aren't quite so rosy in A-Land...., or he's lying to you" Well, I sure wish I KNEW for certain, or could believe that! It would make me feel better about all this.<p>Furthermore, 9 months is only a "drop in a bucket" and it may take another YEAR or more for him to finally get around to admitting he's made a monumental mistake! They almost always do....so hang in there.......<p>Take care of YOU, fix whatever caused him to go "wandering" in the first place on your end, and take care of your kids and YOU!!! You are all that matters in your life right now, and that's all you can control, anyways!! He has to fight these "demons" all on his own. <p>IF and when he comes to his senses, he'll need you to be "all together" for him to "lean" on for support 'cause it'll all hit him like a ton of bricks (or so I've been told)!<p>That's the best advice I can give you (or myself) so let's just hang on and see what happens from here, 'k? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>God Bless,

Lupolady--<p>I can't believe that you said what I always think....Everyone always says that it can't be that rosey where he is right now. I want to see that! I want to know if it bothers her that he is paying all my bills and he has to borrow money every month....or what she thinks about driving my car...(i gave it to him...it's in the divorce settlement, I have a new car!)The car is not even a year old and I picked it out. I want to know if it bothers her when we talk and sit together at m kid's games....or when he came over to cut the branches in the yard. I hope like heck it bothers her!!! <p>I don't dwell on it....I just think about it once in a while. <p>I know I am going to be okay.....I just wish that things didn't have to be this way. I want him to regret what he has done and I want to see it!!!<p>M

L--<p>One more thing----<p>How do we know that it will hit him like a ton of bricks??? I thought it would have already hit him. He went through a really bad time in Jan.....I thought that was it and then he came out of it and now acts like there is nothing wrong.<p>M

Hi--
I found out from my son that my STBX asked where I was going on Sat afternoon and who I was going with....I guess I made him think a little! I did casually say to the kids....don't forget the key...I will not be home. I went to a barbecue for a girlfriend! I know it means NOTHING. I just thought it was a little funny. My son wanted to tell him that I was on a date! He said he couldn't think that fast!!<p>MAX