I've been trying deperately to deal with my wife's leaving. Some of you are familiar with my situation as I've posted to this forum before. For those who aren't, my wife of 10yrs decided to leave me stating that she no longer loves me and that she needed time to think and that she was no longer happy but she didn't know why. I've always been a model husband in my estimation and she even said I have been wonderful but she can't stay with me anymore she needs to be alone, in fact my situation is very similar to "confused 58" posted here on this forum, it's uncanny how close they compare. I had decided at that time to give my wife the space she needed and to just concentrate on myself and raising our kids, however as time has progressed she has become more and more distant and now she is actually talking divorce. She won't give me any reasons and she won't open up and talk to me, she's erected these emotional walls that are impervious to me. She's spoken to her step mom and actually opened up to her and her step mom has relayed some of what was said on to me but my wife refuses to even mention any of the things I do that bug her even though I now know there are items to be addressed. I know I can change some of the things she's complaining about if only she would tell me what they are and what else she thinks needs to be done to improve our relationship and add to her happiness but she only refuses to talk about it opting instead to divorce rather than work on our marriage. Is there anyway I can get her to come out of her shell and have her at least acknowledge that what we have is just a miscommunication and that working through difficult times is far more advantagous than to just divorce and walk away from ten years of marriage? <BR>There is one thing I must add, my wife is 37 and she has displayed many of the symptom associated with pre-menopause, is it possible to be experiencing this so early in life? Her stepmom had also allured to the fact that this may be some of the problem. I think after having mentioned it also she had agreed to go and get a physical, is that something that can be diagnosed by a physician?<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Jax (edited March 24, 2000).]

Sorry for what you are going through!<P>Yes it is possible to be peri-menopausal at the age of 37. Her doctor will do a blood test for hormone levels. I started having symptoms at 41 and went thru something similar to your wife. Although I never separated from my H I was determined to end my marriage this past summer. I had such feelings of utter hopelessness and despair about my marriage and about life in general.<P>Nothing my Husband said or did helped any. I started taking St John's Wort which helped. And started reading about Mid Life Crisis, depression and relationships. I came out of it and now our marriage is better than ever. The best thing is not pressure her just try to be there for her. There may be other things going on possibly depression? I am sure others here have told you can't control her or make her do anything unfortunately. It's something she needs to do on her own.