After 9 months of trying to save the marriage, I am finally coming to terms with letting go. Not sure how I got to this point but I am finally accepting that our marrige is over, that I am going to be okay, and that I will find love again someday. What a great feeling this is... I know I am still going to have my ups and downs, that the road to recovery is still a long road but I will be fine. I also know that while I made my share of mistakes in the marriage, I did everything I could to save it and I can live with this. I also know that I deserve more than what my stbxw is capable of giving to me, nothing I have done justifies what she has done to me in the last nine months, I think my signature lines sums it up well. For everyone still struggling to let know, please know that it will happen in time and things will get better for you.
God Bless,
Dave

Dave-<p>I wish you the best. You are right about this whole process. You will have ups and downs, but the ups become more frequent and the downs less frequent with their impact lasting less too. <p>I too have accepted where my X and I are. Like you I did it in steps, often baby steps at that. I have come to the realization that I deserve better than what my X was giving even before the affair (he is an alcoholic). Not that I think I am a better person than he, but that I realize that I didn't deserve the treatment he was giving me. We never had an equal give and take relationship. Addictions will do that.<p>After he left I fought like hell to work on myself and save the marriage whereas he did nothing. In return I am much happier with myself and more confident. He is still with the OW, but nothing about him has changed so I am assuming that it is only a matter of time until problems start arising there. Even if they don't I don't care. I am where I want to be and really starting to enjoy it.<p>Good luck!
Take care and God bless!
K

DavePR<p>Just wanted to say I understand and will be thinking of you. Funny, it was 9 months for me too. Of course when my H moved out and in with OW 3 months later, he never looked back except for stringing me along with indecison, wishy-washy, fence-riding, cake eating lingo.<p>I filed after 6 months of separation but it took that other 3 months for me to really let go. I sounded just like you. I woke up one day and said, you know, I'll be ok. I need more than what I'm getting from this relationship and there is no need for me to punish myself any longer by holding on to false hope. <p>My children are 6 and 11 so they are not quite as young as yours. I'm sure this is very hard on you but it sounds like you've done your best and can walk away knowing you did all you could. Things don't always work out but you can hold your head high, knowing you did what you could. Love God, your children and yourself. In that order preferably.<p>Good luck to you. You are not alone. ( even though it feels really lonely sometimes)<p>PP

K and PP, thanks for the replies and I am glad to hear that you are both doing well. It is funny that you hurt like hell and feel like the hurt will never stop and then one day you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe this is how God wants it to be, I know that I have learned so much from this... for the longest time I could not understand why this was happending to me but now I understand. This entire thing has made me such a stonger person, a much better father and person, I am so close to my children now, they are my top priority in life. Now I understand why this happened, there was a reason for all of this.
It is funny how the WS doesn't change, I know in the long run that I will be recovered and a better person, but the WS will still be dealing with their issues plus some more baggage and probably alot of guilt, assuming they ever come out of the fog and realize what they have done to their families.
Take care and God Bless, we all deserve better than what we had...<p>Dave

Hi Dave,<p>You sound so healthy and content. You’ve been through a lot and you deserve God's peace in your heart. The roller coaster ride is finally over for you. Your stbxw is loosing someone special, and someday she will wake from the fog and realize it.<p>Great attitude…I guarantee the best is ahead you.<p>God Bless,
L&F

I've cut and pasted your comments into my journal. Although my situation is not wayward, its more emotional abuse. I am nearing your point and am glad to see that others have reached it.

I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK. IT IS ENCORAGING TO HEAR THAT IT WILL GET EASIER WITH TIME. I GUESS I'M JUST NOT THERE YET. GOOD LUCK