Since my divorce and all of the fallout with child support and daycare and everything, I literally have no money. I no longer have any tax deductions so have basically taken a cut in pay.<p>I just figured out my finances and before where I had about $200 after all my bills and before food, now I have -$20 after bills, and before food. <p>I either need a better paying job, or less expenses. If I don't have the time or money for retraining, how do I get a better job? I guess I could save money by not having cable or getting the minimum cell phone plan, but that would only save me about $50.<p>I'm just very frustrated and angry about the whole thing.

IG,<p>I'm really sorry you find yourself broke. But, I'm confused .... why can you not claim the earned income credit for your son and your wife claim him as a deduction? Or visa-versa? It would only be fair, since you have your son on the week-ends, every week-end.<p>Have you discussed this with her?<p>Love,
Jo

Resilient,<p>Here's the deal. In my haste to stay out of court, I made a huge mistake. I let her have legal custody. She has physical custody and I have visitation. She is in the driver's seat and won't allow me to claim him.<p>The fun part is that without the house, I won't have enough in the way of deductions to itemize. What that means is whatever I pay towards day care just gets rolled up into my personal deduction. Fun, huh?<p>I did talk to her, we had a big fight which was all my fault.

IMVHO, it's time to get an attorney. This is YOUR son too! You should have joint custody, you're not a uncle or friend, you're his daddy. <p>I know an attorney will cost, you might try legal assistance. I wouldn't discuss this with her any more. By law you should be awarded joint custody as his legal and bio father. No two ways, you need to get legal. Yes, it'll be an LB and there wil be a custody battle and she'll be angry, but as I understand it, she's angry as it is anyway. No???<p>Jo

As you know, she's always angry when I try to do something she doesn't like. I've already thought about getting legal advice, I just need to find a phone number. I don't even care if it's an LB, she'll just have to deal with it.

Wooo hooo! I want a front row seat to this whoopla! lol<p>Have you tried the phone book for Legal Assistance?<p>Jo

LOL, you're so bad.<p>I just need to find the number of the paralegal who filed our paperwork. I know he won't be able to legally advise me, but he knows all the backround and I'm hoping he'll be able to recommend someone.

Sorry for the "wooo hooo", IG.<p>Ask the paralegal for the Legal Assistance info, too.<p>I have a question. Did ex-W claim the children deduction as well as the earned income credit for '2001? Gosh, if she did then she got a boat load of $$.<p>Jo

I don't know what state you live in, but in my state the custodial parent is stuck with all the day care costs, although it is subtracted from her income when figuring out the ratio of the incomes of the two parents. My kids' father gets to take half of the kids as deductions, as long as he is current on child support, even though that child support is very low since it looks like he will be permanently unemployed. I have physical custody, and he has visitation - that does not affect his getting half of the deductions.

Nellie,<p>I'm in CA, the no-fault state of "half". Whomever is the legal custodian gets the deduction. I talked to a friend with two kids and he and his ex each take one. If I had been smarter, I could have set it up where we would alternate years.<p>Resilient,<p>I'm sure she took all the deductions she could. But she needs the money more than I do to finance her credit cards.

IG,<p>States don't matter on this one...It's the IRS, and if a custodial parent wants to claim the children they have that right, if the other parent tries to claim one or all of them then they have to get written permission from the custodial parent or it can't be done.<p>Take care and sorry you are feeling so broke.<p>ANNA

well, my mama always told me life isn't fair...it sucks but it's the truth.<p>You might think about a part time job. I know nobody wants to do that but maybe you could get one that would get you out in the public (retail sales or something) and let you meet people. You never know what kind of 'contacts' you'll make.

Being broke, not going broke ~ and to be honest, I'm better off financially than when I was married. I see that I'm not the shopaholic, and no one is making withdrawals from the bill money.<p>I still don't have cable or a cell phone.<p>It's amazing what you can learn to live without.<p>I was left with ~$15K of marital debt all in my name. I haven't seen dime one from him, as he's not obligated to pay me cash, but his half of these debts will come to me when we sell our real estate.<p>I'm able to keep myself and 2 kids fed and clothed and have paid off more than half of this debt myself. Now when the property sells, once we get the listing BS settled, instead of having to put the bulk of my proceeds toward old debt, I'll have a nice downpayment on a home and can get out of the rental situation.<p>In the past I've had 2 and 3 jobs to try and stay afloat. It is no fun, but you gotta do what you gotta do.<p>The first thing I'd do is get yourself a good attorney. Joint legal custody is the norm. Now, my XH and I have joint legal and I have physical, but since he didn't ask to claim the kids for taxes, it's not in the judgement and I claim them both.<p>Hang in there.

Looks like it's unanimous, you need to seek legal joint custody. Only thing I'd worry about then would be your child support may increase/decrease depending on the sliding scale schedule.<p>Jo

Princess Buttercup,<p>I'm also much better off than when I was married, I don't have $20,000 worth of credit card debt. Nor do I have a $35,000 second mortgage from other credit card debt. My ex never could do without anything.<p>Thanks for the advice, everybody. I was just feeling sorry for myself, but I'm over it now.

My ex is NOT the custodial parent but still gets to claim child deduction on alternate years. That is standard if you are paying support. Also, if you are providing more than 51% of the cost of caring for said child for the year, you could change your filing status to "head of household" which lowers your tax burden significantly.<p>Here is the wording in my Child Support doc.<p>Tax exemptions for the children shall be allocated as follows:<p> XXXXXX (My ex) will claim XXXX(Oldest Child) provided he is current in his child support obligation at the end of the year in question. XXXX (Me) will claim XXXXX (youngest child). When only one child remains eligible, the parents will alternate claiming that child starting with the mother.<p>Hope that helps. (You need to file for modification of child support immediately.)<p>Lisa

Hi IG - I'm paying spousal and child support during separation right now. When I looked at the tax implications for 2002, assuming we get divorced and file separately, then yes I would get hosed from the loss of deductions.<p>Here are some things you might try, without relying on your ex-wife's sense of fair play:<p>

• Can you get your support to be classified as "unallocated", "family support", or at least partly defined as alimony? Any such amounts are deductible for you, and taxable to your ex-wife. This easily makes up for loss of the other deductions. To meet the IRS test, the support order must explicitly state the payments stop if either of you dies. This may seem obvious but it's the direct result of a tax court case. If your order says that, it's pretty much telling you that you can deduct the payments.
• If your net income changed because of your tax status, then your support payments ought to change. In Pennsylvania, this just falls out of the formula (computer program) that they use. Most states use a formula now for support. Even if you signed something else, it can be changed now. There is a Web site that let me experiment with the Pennsylvania calculations - it might be worth your looking for a similar California site.

<p>From what I read of the IRS rules, the person with "primary" physical custody gets first dibs on the child exemptions and credits. Having joint legal custody would not change that. You would have to work out some arrangement with your wife to split those benefits.<p>Hope some of this helps. And for anyone else reading this, it's an object lesson in making sure you get timely legal advice. (Sorry, IG). I know others personally, blindsided at D-day, who just "worked things out amicably" with their WS, and now regret it.<p>If this gets too bad, it might still be worth hiring a lawyer to "fix" the support and custody arrangements. It's probably too late to fix any problems with the property division. But remember, unfairness in the support and custody will hurt you for the rest of your life. Have you really gotten over it in just a couple of days? Or have you just pushed it down below the surface? Please do what you can to make permanent fixes.<p>- Tom

tmmx - I haven't gotten over it, I've just gotten over my self-pity about having no money. Do you remember the site you used for Penn? In CA the formula for support uses gross income, any taxes are not figured in.<p>I definately made a mistake in not pushing harder for my rights. I'll do what I can to recover some of the child custody, but if it doesn't work out, I'll just deal with it. Remember, Plan A is not about giving in (what I did. Especially in divorce, there are no rules.

IG,<p>I used this one:<p> http://www.pennglazier.com/support/<p>There is another free one for PA here:<p> http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/PA/cal/PACSC.html<p>I found links to CA calculators here, but they are not free!!:<p> http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/calculators.htm<p>Can you double-check the point about gross income? It doesn't sound right, and there is a free calculator on some guy's personal page that uses net income for California:<p> http://www.west.net/~ivguy/testcalc.html<p>Also, there is information here that says net:<p> http://www.divorcenet.com/ca/cafaq02.html<p>Maybe you can ask a clerk at whatever office in CA accepts the filings.<p>- Tom

Thanks, tmmx, I'll chech them out tonight.