H has been living with OW for almost 3 months now. During that time, since we have so much contact regarding the kids, I have tried to be kind, loving, supportive and respectful. I have tried to help him out in any way I can. He has gone back and forth about wondering if he should give us another try. I am thinking, is able to "have his cake and eat it too" with my current involvement? It seems to me that there is no real incentive to leave her if he is happy with her, plus getting some other needs met by me. Does this make sense? And how should I go about addressing this with him? Thanks.<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

camarinick,<BR>Our situations are very similar. My H isn't living with the OW, but I think they are still seeing each other. But I am acting the same way towards my H. I would love to know the answer to this myself.<BR><P>------------------<BR>You are in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>* Viki

I can't offer any advice, since my H has been gone for 6 months, living with the OW for the last 3, and he has not indicated any desire for reconciliation. I too have been in Plan A, refusing to be drawn into arguments with him, but it doesn't seem to have done any good at all. I worry that it is just showing him that she was right when she told him that sometimes couples get along better after they are apart. I think he is very happy that he no longer has to lie to me and carry on a double life.

My H had it both ways as long as he could. But he has always denied me the knowledge of an active affair. I told him this time when I discovered the affair it was either full steam ahead on the marriage, meaning he ended with her, moved home immediately (he wanted to wait "a few days"), was accountable to me for his time, went to counseling, and spent his recreational time with me. OR I would divorce him. And at that point I would have. I am definitely not a proponent of threatening divorce if you aren't ready to follow through. He chose the marriage and has done everything I have asked--as far as I know. The only thing I can't be sure of is the ending with the OW, but he sure isn't spending anything other than work hours with her.<P>I couldn't do this until I was no longer afraid to lose him, with the resumption of the affair I figured my H was gone for good. Now the man I love is living in my home. Things aren't perfect, but they aren't wretched, either.<P>Having an H on the fence is a terrible place to be--I was there for 1 1/2 years.

I guess i am still afraid to lose him. I don't want to be without him and is scares me to death. But, I am not sure how long I can deal with the fence-sitting. He is so kind and wonderful and the man I know and love that I am so torn. <P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

camarinick,you sound just like me. My h has been back and forth three times. AS our counselor said the fence is a pretty uncomfortable place to be. H says he is leaving tomorrow, he thinks! Hold on, do what will make you feel best about yourself.