While searching for car registration papers I came across all the love letters my XH sent me when I was away studying. I could not help but look at them, read them and wonder where that guy went... He promised to love me forever and that I should never forget that (wish I could show those letters to him...). But the point is, one day I'm bound to find those letters again and look at them again, and those memories will resurface again. So do I throw them away? But they still mean something to me... (silly me...). And then there are photos... I tore up all wedding photos (but have all the negatives still), I also still have my wedding rings and other rings he bought for me. Rings that I don't want to get rid of, that I won't wear....<p>Any suggestions and what you have done in the same situation, or plan to do....<p>Pantha

Hi Pantha-<p>I hope this finds you doing well. Our situations are a bit different because I have four kids and more than anything I feel that they need all these special things to show them that the marriage was real, there was love, and that they came out of that love. Therefore, here is what I have done with all my special stuff from my courtship, wedding, marriage, etc. I bought a big, airtight container and put it all in there. I figure that when they are older and ask about it I can show it to them. <p>To tell you the truth, I probably would have done it even if there weren't any kids. Although my marriage is over and a part of my past, it is an important part of me and who I am today. The thought of getting rid of this stuff would be like throwing a part of me away.<p>I wish you the best. Keep in touch!<p>Take care and God bless!
K

My wedding ring is in a jewelry box in the closet. All the cards and letters were in my XW's desk, I don't know what she did with them. All of the formal china and flatware we got for our wedding is in a box in the garage. It'll all come out when the kids are older, I'm sure.

((PANTHA))<p>If I didn't have children, I'd probably have a bon fire with all that stuff. <p>I've got all the wedding pictures, all the wedding stuff (cake top, pen, guest book), all the letters, all the cards, all the everything. I have it neetly packed away and if at some point the kids want to snoop through it, they are more than welcome.<p>PS> If you have a fire, invite friends and roast marshmellows.

I put all my ex's declarations of love to me (old cards, letters, etc) in a box and set it on his doorstep where he and the tramp live along with all but one proof set of wedding pictures(which I saved for my daughter). <p>I did that because I figured someone other than me should have to physically throw away all the momentos of a lifetime of marriage.<p>I don't know what the ex did with them. My marriage certificate is being saved for ceremonial burning...waiting for just the right full moon or something to do that...I put engagement ring in the box to the ex - figured he could recycle it for the new Mrs...(wouldn't that be a riot [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] ) and my wedding ring was my mothers - so I kept it, but I won't be able to wear it again, so I'll probably give it to my daughter for her high school graduation or something.<p>It takes time to go through these things...and I find you get rid of them a little at a time as you heal.<p>Good luck<p>Lisa

Lisa, Havent's seen you posting in a while. How are you?<p>I took all the lace off my dress. Loved the lace but the dress needed to go. Threw most of it in the trash. Sent a scrap down the river in a boat of momentoes as a ritualistic send-off for x. Burned the rest of the dress in a fire at a Native American friend's sacred fire circle. <p>Kept the pictures - most of them. Sent some down the river in that little boat with an effigy of x. <p>Slowly throwing away memorablilia. each time i find the stuff in the basement, I throw away a bit more. Hurts like all get out to see it. I keep some on purpose. Like Bill - I have children. Mine were young enough when he left that I don't know if they will remember us living together.

Oh, the dress, I forgot the dress...that's a hoot!<p>I sold mine at my "get rid of the ex's stuff" yardsale...$2...to a little girl who wanted it to play dress up with. I bought myself a cheap beer with the proceeds! hee hee hee<p>Cindrella,<p>I'm around - lurking in the shadows mostly - been incredibly busy with work and moving arrangements (June 16 is the big day) and duking it out in court with the ex who just can't seem to follow the law. <p>Anyway, take care!<p>Lisa

Pawned the rings, wife (the WS) kept all of the pics with both of us in them (wedding pics, etc.) , I kept a couple pics of the kids only. After finding out that she still loves him, b4 I filed, gave back the gifts she gave me at X-mas. Don't want anything thing from her any longer, life moves on and now so am I.

Still have all of the stuff in my home.<p>

• Wedding and 10th Anniversary rings
• Wedding Dress
• Wedding pictures (negatives)
• All the picture albums for the last 20 years
• All his love notes and cards
• Even a Pink P-Bass Guitar he made me

<p>What should I do with all this stuff???<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ April 23, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Jo - Save it if you want, but put it away where you cannot get to it very easily. There will come a time when you will be able to look at these things with less pain.<p>I, too, saved everything - pictures, wedding dress, momentos, etc. There are put away. They are evidence of almost half of my life. All of it means alot to me, even though he no longer does. He was an important part of my life, one I cannot pretend didn't happen. It is history, which really should not be destroyed.<p>It has taken almost six years (since he walked out and married the OW), but I can finally look at these things without crying. I still feel sadness though, but it is not overwhelming anymore. Sadness for what was lost, something that was once wonderful, but he threw it all away. Nothing can change this, but I am at peace with it now.

I threw away all the wedding pictures right after divorce. Told her about wedding dress, she never came to get it or asked for it so I donated it to Goodwill.<p>Just hocked her engagment ring and my wedding band at Christmas (took a beating got a couple hundred for them after spending thousands).<p>Have the cake server out and using it.

Hello, I don't post much anymore.Just kind of lurk. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Re: my mementos
They are all put in a box, mind you nothing of much value, just sentimental. Even my ring isn't worth anything. It is all packed away in my garage.<p>I don't feel the need to destroy them, only because it all represents such a big part of my life (so far anyway). I'd like to think and remember the good parts as there were many.<p>I have been wanting to start doing my photo albums again and picked up an old one. When I scanned through the pictures it was all good until I came to family photos that were taken during what I know to be when he had started his affair. I had to put it all away again.<p>Mabey I should destroy just the bad parts???<p>Who knows, I can't help that I am a sentimental fool.

It's all mostly packed in a box. Maybe the kids will want it someday. <p>I do have some things around, my rings are in my jewelry box, in the cheap earring drawer so I don't have to look at them, but too expensive to toss or just pack away (might get lost).<p>I have some pictures of us as a "family" (what a joke) around the house. I think it is good for the kids to see [censored] on the fridge, and in their room. I stick my tounge out at him when nobody's looking. Good therapy.<p>Elizabeth

I have not had the courage to go through a lot of stuff at this point like pictures, etc. I lost my original wedding band a few years back and lost my replacement ring that I had to buy shortly after divorce was filed. On our 15th aniversary my STBX had his mothers diamond reset and gave me that since I never got a diamond ring when we first married. I read or heard recently that you should not pass on rings that were once part of a broken marriage, well that was the case with his mothers ring and I think it brought bad luck into our marriage. I still have the diamond ring and will pass it along to one of my daughters but not for use as their own wedding ring. <p>My STBX asked for some pictures of the kids through the years and I had no problem with it. When I told my daughters they said that they did not want pictures of themselves floating around this trashy tramps house. I still have all the pictures. We will see as time passes. <p>I would put all the stuff in a box and see what happens many years down the road when you open it up again. If you toss the stuff now you may regret it later.

Thanks for all your replies.... <p>After reading all of them and after thinking about it, I think this is what I'm going to do.<p>Find a box and some really pretty paper. Collect all cards, letters and photos, and whatever else I feel belongs there (ie what is too painful to have around and is too precious to throw away). Fill that box with those things. Then wrap the box with the very pretty paper (that I won't want to tear). And mark clearly what is in it (as if I'd forget... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ). That way I won't be tempted to open it and look through the mementos.<p>I still don't know about the wedding ring... and other jewellery, and things his family gave me. For now I don't wear them and keep them in a separate jewellery box his mom gave me. After I found out about him re-marrying, I wanted to pawn the ring, I still do but not 100%. Maybe I should remelt them into a dove and put it on my charm bracelet as a symbol of freedom and peace...<p>There are some things that will be around for a long time still, furniture and appliances that we bought together and even those things have some memories, but at least not romantic (as in declaration of love romantic).<p>Pantha<p>PS maybe one day I will be ready to take that box with its pretty paper, unopened and have a ceremonial vanquishing of things past....

Pantha,<p>My first marriage I pawned the rings..some of the pictures I had of my first husband, my 2nd ex destroyed--before we even married..I wanted those pictures because they were of MY past..they were
memories of MY past..the rest he didn't know where they were..they were in a photo album in storage..
and I'm glad they were..or I wouldn't have those either..they weren't just of my ex, or just of the two of us..they also had friends in them..and I can never get those pictures back..he also got rid of other things I had..from that time in my life..
which really pi$$ed me off..but he wouldn't get rid of any of his old photo's w/ his ex's..and made sure I couldn't either by leaving them all at his mothers...but, then I wouldn't have gotten rid of them..partly because I know it was his past and I wasn't threatened by these women, and partly because I know how valuable old family photo's are..and what you can learn about the people in them, it makes their lives seem more real, and gives you an insight to what they were like on a personal level..but then..genealogy is a passion of mine..and has been since I was little..so it <p>Our kids have already started going through the pictures and taking out them for themselves..which is fine with me..I don't have a problem with that..they are a part of my past..part of how I became who I am today..and that's not a bad thing..<p>One day you'll be able to look back at them and have fond memories and it won't hurt so bad..and you'll sit there and think...I wonder how he's doing in his life today?? I wonder if he's happy,
if he has any children now..if he's dead or alive..(especially if you don't have kids)

I kept the photographs but sold my wedding and engagement rings. They became meaningless to me once the marriage was over and I needed the money more than I needed a painful reminder of him.

I still have everything. I packed a few old birthday/anniversary cards I gave him, etc, in his things he took with him. I took my rings off when we signed the D papers, but kept them in view til it was finalized. A week later I put them and wedding pics, etc., in a box. At least they're down, but the box is still sitting in my bedroom. Next step is to pack more memories and pictures in that box, seal it up and put in the attic (not the rings). <p>Right now, I want to keep it all. I want to keep the rings too. I'm thinking of having my diamond re-set into a new ring (or pendant) for myself. Maybe with some small sapphires (my birthstone).

I am wearing my engagement ring on my right hand, becasue it is such a gorgeous antique platinum ring. The bands are in my change purse - stupid, I know, what if I lose my purse or it gets stolen?? But, I want them with me.
I have thrown nothing away. Probably won't. In the past, whenever I have gotten rid of something because of painful memories I have later regretted it.
Can't make any decisions out of emotion.

as far as recycling wedding paraphenaila to the kids, remember:<p> THEY ARE ALL CURSED!