I got this from God is in Control's thread and it is too good not to have its own post!<p>... great advice ...treat the WH like a 2 year old, since they act like one. Give them two choices for something...notice how when you put your foot down, WH fights even harder...give them choices!<p>Thanks for sharing God is in Control!

I had contemplated putting that info. on it's own thread, but didn't have enough time.<p>That was the first time that I had heard that advice and then everything clicked as to why my WH would act insane everytime I put my foot down and set boundaries. And well, of course, it made Plan B a disaster.<p>** Some other, more important factors that I left off were - don't tell them NO. I don't mean you can never say no - but don't use the word "NO." And you have to make things seem like it's their idea. ***<p>I wish I would have learned these simple truths about my WH earlier, it would have made the past few months a heck of alot easier for me.<p>Hope the info. helps some others. <p>If I learn anymore good tid bits about controlling spouses, I will be sure to pass it on.<p>K<p>[ April 23, 2002: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</p>

In the book "emotionally unavailable" there is a section on verbal abuse. It says to use these 6 magic words:<p>"I'm sorry you feel that way"<p>That way you are allowing them to have their feelings and choices. Of course it is easier said then done. When someone says "you are crazy, incompetant, @@@#@$@$#*&!" simply reply "I'm sorry you feel that way". <p>I use to always give this advice - it seemed simple enough and made sense but just last week I found myself in a verbally abusive situation on 2 occassions (which is VERY rare for me). My response back to one was basically mirroring back "I'm not a crazy, incompetant, @@@#@$@$#*&! YOU ARE!". The other one I had no response and just fought the battle of my mind for days convincing myself I am NOT who they say I am. It taught me to be more compassionate and understanding to people who live with this daily. Its a LOT harder than I thought!<p>[ April 24, 2002: Message edited by: I LuvNprotect ME ]</p>