I'm not sure where to be posting this and I know I have seen posts about this before but I can't seem to find them and I really need help. I've posted on here only a few times but come here at least once a day. Thought I had things under control but guess I was wrong. My H wants to separate and I don't think there's any way to talk him out of it. We have two daughters 8 and 10 and they are going to be crushed. I honestly don't think they think anything is wrong at all. How in the world do we begin to tell them? Please help me. I'm not sure when he is leaving. I at least have a week, that much I know. Help!!!!!

Every school district has a counselor or social worker. Call school and see if you can talk to him/her and get some suggestions. Do you belong to a church or have a religious affiliation? Maybe someone there would have a suggestion or two. <p>I remember every word from when my parents gave me the divorce talk 20 years ago. Choose your words carefully, don't place blame, and most importantly make sure you remind them that this will make no difference in how much parents love their children.<p>There are some great books at the local library, one good one by Marc Brown, the guy who writes the Arthur stories. They might be good follow up.<p>I wish I could make it that you didn't have to do this. <p>Elizabeth

Thanks. You say you remember every word that your parents told you. Did they do a good job? Or as well as could be expected? How old were you? My girls (especially the 10 year old) is going to completely lose it. That's what's making this so hard. I don't even care about myself at this point (okay, maybe that's not completely true) but I'm more scared about having to deal with them. He makes it seem so easy like they're gonna be fine with it. Even though he's never home now and they never see him, it's different. They love him and cherish him so much and they are such great kids, so well adjusted and this is killing me.

I was 12. Mom started and did a crappy job. Something about stress making her eyebrows fall out. Too weird to recount. Dad then took over after many minutes of way too adult fog talk and gave me the basics. True hard facts. That was good. <p>You might be suprized. If you keep it to facts and not crazy emotion stuff they will understand what you are saying, not why, but what. I would expect a few days of soaking it in, then the emotion. When I talked to Chris 8, I kept to the facts. What would happen, where people would live, what it meant to him. If you lay it out simply and don't get all messy yourself they will be able to soak it in without being concerned about your feelings. <p>Chris took things well, but we had a goofy situation with a brain injured dad so you can't call us normal by any sense of the word. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm going to put him to bed, and I'll be back later if you have another ?<p>Elizabeth

((((j-a-i)))<p>I have 3 daughter who were 6, 8, 11 at the time when we sat down and had our talk. We sat down on the floor in a circle and told the girls that mom was moving out and we were getting a divource. We did no finger pointing or negative talking, at times like this the kids just need to know their loved by both. My 11yo went into an agry rage that lasted probably five minutes and then she bottled everything up. My 8yo had a real hard time with acceptance. The 6yo just had a hard time understanding.<p>After our talk we opened up the floor for them to ask any question they wanted. Their main concerns were when they would see each of us, where they were going to school, and were they were sleeping.<p>If I had to do it all over again the only thing I would of changed was I would of put them into counseling right away instead of waiting 6 months.<p>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

My d was 11 and my son 7 when my x decided to leave. We were to tell them together, but she jumped the gun and told the kids she was going away for awhile.<p>When I found out and talked to them, they thought she was going on like a vacation or extended shopping trip.<p>I told them we were separating and would probably be divorcing. This was before I found MB, not that helped in my case.<p>They were both very upset and cried and went to their rooms.<p>I agree with Bill, get them in counseling ASAP. I did. My son only went about twice and the counselor said he was processing things very well and had identified several other people he felt he could talk too.<p>My daughter went a full 10 sessions. All the counselor would say is that she had issues with her mother. She went a few more times for things that turned out to be unrelated to the divorce.<p>They went to different counselors because I took my son to mine and my x jumped in a took our d to the last counselor we had gone to.<p>In typing this, I think I probably should talk to the kids about how they feel about their mother getting divorced from the om/h and see if they need to go back to counseling.

Thank you to all who have replied so far. I could use all the help I can get at this point. It's like it's so hard for me to understand this all happening, I could only imagine how hard it is going to be on them. That's just it, I do imagine and I know it is going to be terrible. They idolize him and I do not want them to hate him. And I know that happens far too often. I was planning on just sticking to hard dry facts, nothing too detailed, they don't need to know --hey, I don't even know. He wants to tell them together, yet each one separately since he feels they are on different emotional levels. I sort of agree but sort of don't on that point. They are 8 and 10 but...what do you guys think??

My hubby and I sat our 4 boys down (ages 6, 11, 16 and 17) and told them that Dad and Mom can not live together in the same house anymore and that Dad and Mom were going to separate. We explained to them Dad & Mom had problems between them that we need time apart to work on those problems, and we were going to separate for now. We assured them that this was something between Dad and Mom only that it was Dad & Mom's fault no fault of theirs. We told them exactly where Dad was moving and exactly when they would get to see him & that Dad & Mom loved them. We let them all ask questions and promised them to tell them the truth. & we answered each questions truthfully. You need to reassure them each and every day that Dad & Mom love them and you will both always be there for them. I honestly think kids are stronger than we think. They handle things better than we think they will. At 1st they will be hurt, shocked, scared etc. But they will survive....we all do. Put them in counseling if you are that worried. My counselor told me that if they start showing signs of depression/anger etc then put them into counseling...other than that ask them (the 3 older ones) if they would like to speak to someone other than family and friends about how they feel inside. My counselor told me the 3 older boys are old enough to make this decision. Best of luck this is a tough one.

My son's biggest concern was where was he going to live, he loves his home here and didn't/doesn't want to move.<p>My d never said too much, but found out later her concern was would she have to testify at the divorce.<p>My kids were far more knowledgeable than I thought. My son knew all about step parents, siblings, half siblings, etc. If your kids watch any TV all the shows the kids watch are from single parent homes. They probably know far more kids that come from broken homes than you would expect too. My son started naming kids he knew who lived with one parent, far more than I knew. <p>I knew some of my d's friends were from divorced families.