Hi all,
Many of you may not remember me. Brief History:
Husband's abusive behaviors drove me to this site as I felt more and more neglected, unhappy, and taken advantage of in my marriage.
A year of MB and husband didn't budge an inch, just soaked up my efforts with no return or change on his part.
A year of therapy, and I have worked on myself and my behaviors to eliminate bad behaviors/reactions, false guilt, and now see a little more clearly the manipulation he tries.<p>So the Discovery...<p>Just discovered through credit card receipts that husband is answering personal ads.<p>Recent comings and goings of said husband have included time gaps where he could have met someone for an hour or two. (Or even a couple of full evenings)<p>Dilemma,
Don't know whether the man was stupid thinking I wouldn't see the charges. (I pay the bills now)
Wonder if it is manipulation - him trying to make me angry and suck me back into conflict - his style of conflict where people have screaming arguments.<p>Any advice?

Yes, he will try to suck you in if you confront him directly.<p>is there any way of letting hm know you know without confronting him?<p>ie, leaving the bill around with his stuff circled inor highlighted in yellow?<p>now this may drive him into more secrecy, but then he knows that you know. . . without having to confront him, and then you monitor him more closely for same behavior, and different payment style. <p>
tom<p>hi anne! i guess you are getting closer to that D !

Hi Tom! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Long time no see.<p>I think I'm just going to tell him that since this is waaay not a family expense that he needs to pay for it out of his weekly allowance. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi H99,
Do you know for a fact that he's answering the personal ads? I don't doubt for a second your assessment of his behavior, but there's still a third possibility here... a fraudulent charge. Hackers got hold of my credit card a year ago, and boy howdy they were racking it up. Chances are, your statement would be 5 pages long if the card info were stolen.... still, it couldn't hurt to ask in a nonconfrontational way what your H thinks of those items on the statement. Come to think of it, a friend's husband had a bunch of charges to 900 numbers on their statement. Turned out an employee at a legitimate business has stolen customer info and was using it to make phone sex calls. Whether your H is or isn't doing something inappropriate, you could at least start with a presumption of his innocence. His own actions will tell you what you really need to know. Good luck

Hi Lonesome,
The thing that makes it seem MOST like it's not a thief is that there was only one charge for each month. (Feb and Mar) I called the company, and the ad is free - answering the ads is what costs money. I think you buy a block of time and it allows you to access other's mail code or access your own mail code box....
Seems like a thief would go on a spending spree then ditch the card before the purchases could be traces.<p>This man hates his coworkers - is always talking about how he doesn't like any of them for one reason or another, yet recently he is meeting them after work for office parties.<p>There is also stuff from the past. I strongly suspect that he was cohabitating with another woman (lover) while he was dating me. He denies this, yet there were Christmas gifts and cards that I cleaned out of a "junk" room addressed jointly to them both. Additionally there was a letter from her to someone who had my husband's name. (Admittedly common, but what only coincidence according to him [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>This seems to be a modus operandi with him. Things go to pieces, so he starts working to line the next victim up. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I was actually kinda stuck wondering if others experienced this sneaky kind of yucky stuff and how they handled it.

It definitely sounds like he's up to something. Are you going to say anything to him? Just yesterday my H was ripping me a new one for something I didn't do. It involved an overdraft charge. I have an account of my own, and he uses our joint account. I haven't written a check on the joint account since January, yet he was hot under the collar, insisting the overdraft was my fault. jeepers alive! He got so ugly, his voice was dripping with venom. I became his enemy somewhere along the line, and I don't when or how or why. Brace yourself if you decide to confront is all I have to say! I try to imagine myself outfitted in a bodysuit made of teflon for such occasions. It helps the hurtful intent of his words roll off. <p>Just thought of one more thing... can the ad company tell you which ad was purchased through the charge appearing on your statement? Arming yourself with every last bit of information available would be a good thing if you decide to confront him.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by lonesome heart:
[QB]Just thought of one more thing... can the ad company tell you which ad was purchased through the charge appearing on your statement? /QB]<hr></blockquote><p>Hmmm, LH might be on to something here.. Get the user name that was used for the ad, then go to their website and see what the ad has to say, and if it is fact your H's... yuck.<p>AGG

No, the ad (if he took one out) is separate and free. The charge is for answering ads or for buying a mailbox to get replies in.<p>No way to trace it - I tried.