MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 5 YEARS. THROUGH OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE WE HAVE DEALT WITH NUMEROUSE RELAPSES ON HIS PART. WHEN HE DRINKS HE TENDS TO TURN VIOLENT. HE KNOWS THAT HE IS AN ALCHOLIC. HE HAS BEEN IN ONE REHAB AFTER ANOTHER. HE JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB A MONTH AGO AND IS ALREADY DRINKING. WE HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FOR THE BIGGEST PART OF THE PAST TWO YEARS. EVERYONE INCLUDING MY PASTOR FEELS THAT WE SHOULD GET DIVORCED. I KNOW THAT IS NOT GODS WILL IN OUR LIVES, HOWEVER I FEEL LIKE I CANT DEAL WITH IT ALL ANYMORE. I'M LONELY MOST OF THE TIME, AND DESIRE TO HAVE AN INTIMATE REALATIONSHIP. I HAVE BEEN IN COUNCELING FOR THE PAST SEVERAL MONTHS WITH A VERY GOOD CHRISTAIN COUNSELOR. LAST WEEK MY HUSBAND INFORMED ME THAT HE IS SEEING SOMEONE. OVER THE WEEKEND HE HAS MOVED IN WITH HER. HE TOLD ME TODAY THAT HE WILL BREAK IT OFF WITH HER IF I LET HIM COME HOME. I CAN'T DO THAT BECAUSE HE IS DRINKING AND I FEAR FOR MYSELF AND MY CHILDREN. I KNOW THIS DON'T MAKE SENSE. THE SOLUTION SEEMS OBVIOUSE. I NEED TO LEAVE HIM, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET GO OF THE COMMITTEMENT I MADE TO HIM, MYSELF AND TO GOD. I LOVE HIM, ALTHOUGH AT THIS POINT I'M NOT SURE WHY. HE CLAIMS THAT HE LOVES ME TOO. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AT THIS POINT THEN TO PRAY AND LEAVE IT IN GOODS HANDS, BUT IT HURTS REALLY BAD EVERYTIME I THINK OF HIM WITH THIS OTHER WOMEN. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE THIS WOMEN IS THE NURSE AT THE DRUG AND ALCHOL FACILITY THAT HE IS ATTENDING. HE DID LEAVE HER EARLIER TODAY, BUT HE CLAIMS THAT SHE CONTINUED TO CALL HIM WHERE HE WAS STAYING. HE SAYS HE HAS FEELINGS FOR HER AND IS CONFUSED. I KNOW THAT HE IS TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE TO "FIX" HIM BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HE DID WITH ME WHEN OUR REALATIONSHIP FIRST STARTED. I KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN MEETING HIS EMOTIONAL NEEDS FOR QUITE SOME TIME BUT IT HAS BEEN ADVISED TO ME BY MY COUNSELOR AND PASTOR THAT I NEED TO US A TOUGH LOVE APPROACH WITH HIM. NO OTHER APPROACH HAS WORKED IN THE PAST BUT NOW THIS ONE ISN'T EITHER. I HOPE THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE CAN EITHER GIVE ME HOPE FOR MY MARRIAGE OF SOME GOOD SOUND ADVISE TO LEAVE THE SITUATATION.

sorry to hear of your situation. have you tried al-anon? i myself am an alcoholic/drug addict sometimes in recovery. i'm also going through one heck of a divorce(not filed yet). many of my marital problems arose and worsened when i went back to drinking and using after six years of sobriety. at the time i was married three years and my W didn't know what i was like on anything. she had some complaints about my attitude in general and had on occasion asked why i couldn't just have one. i had attempted before to get her to try an al-anon meeting but she wouldn't go. it will also help you figure out a solid tough-love approach to your situation with your H. hope your efforts get farther than mine are currently.

Hi there-<p>I second the Al-Anon advice already given. I also encourage you to read Melodie Beattie's books on codependency. <p>My X is an alcoholic. The situation you described was all to familiar to me. In the end my H left me for a younger girl and a clean slate. I was devestated, but it finally gave me the shove needed to make changes in my life. 15 months later, I am divorced, but happier than I have been in years. Don't get me wrong, I am totally for marriage and I would have much preferred that my H get the help he needs and that we could have worked out our problems, but he wasn't interested and there was nothing I could do about it. Therefore, I focused on me and I really like the results. My X on the other hand hasn't changed a thing and while he is still with the OW he is still drinking and unhappy.<p>Only you can decide what to do, but check out the mentioned resources. I really think you will like them.<p>Take care and God bless!
K