Hello, everyone.<p>I'm new to this bulletin board. My husband and I have been separated for 8 months. He came home for about 2 weeks, only to leave me again to go back to the other woman. When he went back to her, he filed for divorce at that time (which was in December). I was served in January. When he called me in December to tell me that he had filed, he said that I would hear from his attorney. After I was served in January, I prayed about it, and decided not to sign the papers. I knew that I couldn't stop anything, by not signing, but I just didn't feel right about it. I haven't done anything about it, including not hiring an attorney for myself. What ever is gonna happen is gonna happen. It's almost May and I still haven't heard anything from his attorney. I know he has one. I had 30 days, from when I received the papers, to respond, so the time is well passed. My question is: Should I have heard something. I live in California. Does anyone know what happens when you don't sign. Do you still hear from the other attorney? How long do things take from here?

Hi Stander, You have to go see an attorney ASAP! The divorce can be final in 6 months if he chooses so. You need to protect yourself as much as possible as far as alimony, child support or community property is concerned. Just because you don't sign does not mean nothing will happen. I am unsure of what happens if you don't respond and that is where you need a lawyer consultation. <p>If you can't afford a lawyer I would look in yellow pages for lawyer referal services. They should be able to guide you to a family law attorney who will give you a free consultation.<p>CA is a no-fault state so it only takes one to end the marriage. I felt like you when I recieved my papers but my husband warned me that if I did not respond the court would order the spilt in property,support etc.

Hi Stander3,

Let me try this again, Hi Stander3,
I was in your same boat, I lived in a no-fault state and I refused to sign and put up a fight for months to not sign, however I gave in not because I agreed with the divorce or wanted it. I signed for the sake of "If I signed nothing, then the W and judge made all the decidsions and also it looked like on paper I abandoned everything and WS/W could have it all"...showing she sent me papers certified but I refused to sign them therefore the judge see's it at refusal to participate or you don't care" even though thats not true....I then signed #1 to keep visitation open with my kids, #2 my WS/W was willing to pitch all family history and personal items gathered over the years, therefore I cherished those things and wanted to keep them to pass on to my kids later, My WS/S is on this starting a new life thing with OM, greener grass on other side thing ,wanting her maiden name back...<p>Therefore I know you're not for the divorce thats fine, but if there's anything you can protect yourself from that would hinder your peace in life for the future at least sign for that reason..I wouldn't sign at first because I wanted her to take all responsibility for her actions and feel the guilt, however after signing I found it brought peace to me and started bringing closure and it made me relize that I was now turning her loose into herself and no more blame could come at me in the future for her actions.<p>Where I messed up before I sign was " I should have given her a certified letter why I was signing" Why?? because after I signed she turned it against me and said I approved and agreed with the divorce because I signed " Manipulation on her part"<p>Your husband is not winning, he'll regret later what he's doing and done, you just need to move on and work on you..even though you prayed about not signing, God will answer your prayer but, he doesn't always answers it according to our own plan and time but it will get answered.
I don't know anyone yet that has left there spouse out of betrayal and deceit that is not currently suffering this day in there life for there action.<p>Don't keep yourself in limbo, take charge, work on you, IF you're praying for your husband back then show yourself strong and moving on, that'll scare him and get his attention more than anything, all the stuff he said about that he didn't like about you thats your start..thats your greatest tool, what more could a person ask for than to be told what could make you this great desirable person...<p>It hurts at first but end results are outstanding!!!<p>Take Care!!

You need this right away...
You need to protect yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a good attorney. A good place to start off is at the Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.
USLaw.com (an alternative search site)<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

You can file an answer yourself "pre se". By not responding, the court does not have to notify you of any "other" pleadings, etc. that are filed in the case. Look on the internet, or call a friend that works with a law office and ask for a form to do it with. It won't cost you anything, and at least it will give the court an address to send you copies of further filings. I know how you feel and it really sucks when your spouse wants a divorce and you do not. But, protect yourself and your belongings.<p>Good luck

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sharronw:
<strong> By not responding, the court does not have to notify you of any "other" pleadings, etc. that are filed in the case. I know how you feel and it really sucks when your spouse wants a divorce and you do not.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I wanted to respond to this, too. Stander, I understand the "stance" you have taken against retaining an attorney. I almost went this route, too, as I was somewhat confused as to what God wanted me to do re: my M. I read all the websites, and became more confused. I prayed, and came to my own conclusion, which we each must do.<p>Because you did not respond, you may already be Dv!! There is no way to tell, without contact w/the courts (although they WILL contact you in that event!). That is in NO WAY an "indictment" of your stand. I understand. I do. I just wanted you to know that IN THE NATURAL WORLD we live in, "stuff" can still happen. Stay strong. It's It's just a piece of paper.
A very good friend advised me that an attorney is simply a "professional" needed for a critical time in your life. If I needed surgery, I would call a Dr. Well, that's very true, but this is different, and may very well be a "calling" from God as to your Trust in Him.<p>But, it's still your call!! I know there are websites that advise against retaining an attorney. That is still a personal decision, and no one can make that decision for you.<p>Having said that, however, I will tell you where I am: I DID retain an attorney. My concerns? I wanted her to STALL everything as long as she could. She did. I knew I couldn't do that myself....I wanted her to represent me in court, in Mediations, etc. She did. I didn't feel "competent" to handle all the legal wrangling necessary in court hearings. It intimidated me.<p>Now, we are at the stage where Mediation has "decided" things, and WH may be awarded Dv. any day now. Only thing holding it up is that HE has to comply with some of the Mediator's recommendations. It's been almost exactly one month since Mediation. He has not done anything yet. It may come at any moment. I am "believing, trusting and praying," that God will stop this.<p>As far as MY portion of the Mediation? I ended up having to do NOTHING further!! I have to do NOTHING now. H was to come up w/$, file and sign legal papers, etc. I HAVE TO DO NOTHING. I DO NOT HAVE TO EVER GO TO COURT AGAIN, AND I TOLD MY ATTORNEY I WILL NOT SIGN ANY DV. DECREE. She said that would not stop it from happening (we live in no-fault state, too). BUT, in my own conscience, I feel good that I DID NOTHING to move it in this direction. I can come before my Lord with my hands clean (in this part of our marital 'breakdown' at least), that I DID NOT SIGN OFF ON MY M.<p>I will pray for your situation, as I know this is a difficult decision to make, and difficult to live through as well. My Lord Jesus has given me more and more GRACE to deal with all this through the past (almost) 12 months. He will do the same for you! <p>"STAND, and having done all to stand....STAND."<p>God Bless,