I'm wondering how many, regardless of who left who....
Did you find that you felt different?<p>Not the usual feelings associated with separation and divorce.
not the feelings of sadness and longing, anger, frustration or confusion.
BUT looking at yourself, ONLY you and feeling reborn? At any point.
After mine, I experience to this day joy and greatness. I own a home, and i take care of a child, i did a career change and i am truly making it. (key people never thought i would) When i look at my home and surroundings I must admit I smile because I make this happen everyday.
The other side however, key people again, making their statements made it VERY difficult for me to want a relationship. (which inevitably led me back to my ex several times) <p>BUT I got lucky and had an awakening. I met this guy and it wasn't a matter of him saying all the right things. It was his blunt honesty and the lift in his voice and encouragement. God it felt good. I miss him SO much. I actually have the power now to tell the ex no. I don't desire to be touched by him because it doesn't feel sincere. This other person, released me from my fears, or better yet unbekownst to him did just the right thing that allowed me to release myself. .....Probably why I miss him so much. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
You hear the saying all the time that people enter your life for various reasons. I can honestly say I had more fun and better conversation and loads of desire for this individual, then i have had in a VERY long time. Even though our time was short, a couple months, it was the best.<p>I now know what I want and the feeling that creates that bond, feeling it again for someone else and it being so natural. (key people were diffently wrong)

That must be a great feeling for you. Finally, not feeling the need or desire to be validated by someone who meant so much to you for so long. After I left my H, I came back several times, but then would leave again. I always thought 'this time it will be better.' He was never so nurturing and supportive when we were together, as he was when we were apart. I know, now, that played on my own low self esteem, and I fell for it every time. I am back again now, and have been for a year...different reasons this time. I am ready to work, and I know it is the most difficult thing I will ever have to do.
I think it would be less difficult if I had gotten to the point you are at now. Whether I had ultimately chosen to try and rebuild my marriage or not.
I had moments where I felt proud. There was a time when I had a great job, bills were all paid, credit was good, had lots of friends, kids seemed to be managing well...but I still felt empty.
I never got 'ok' with me. I am glad to hear that you are. I admire you for getting to that point, and I am sure that will make all the difference when someone comes along to share your life.

One of the biggest things that sank things for my ex and i was his continuos lying. But all along telling me it was all my fault and i had put him where he was. This has shown me over the coarse of time that he is still very bitter. The lies were more complicated then before. But now i think maybe not. Because now my eyes are open.
By no means do i play the innocent role or victim. Afterall we all have skeltons of various degrees.
But when i was hoping and trying i REALLY was. Not covering and doging and needing to be proven.
But this other person opened my eyes to such an amazing thing. I didn't notice it so much right away. But when i did, pointed out by my ex, of all people, i realized i was falling in love with someone completely different then my ex.
I felt hurt because the relationship was short. But how freeing to realize that the potential to let myself, let my guard down and just accept a new individual into my heart. THAT was cool. Time heals everything. It just took 3 years.